Hello there - what a lovely, lovely mum you must have had when she said she wanted you to carry on. I'll bet my bottom dollar she meant it too. It will, as you say, be a bitter sweet day, but what a day! Marrying someone you love & doing what your mum wanted.

Feeling nothing as you say is not uncommon - lots of people say they just feel numb. Don't worry about that just accept that you feel what you feel when you feel it.

Nothing anyone can say will take the numbness or pain away - only the passage of time can do that. I hope that next Saturday morning you can take an enormous breath & carry on as your mum wanted you to.

I wish you much happiness in your future lives together & that the day will be sweeter than you expect - you might just be surprised. I'm getting on a bit & know a bit about life & just how strong people can be.

Love xx

Hi there, 
I'm totally new to this too! I lost my Mum last year to breast cancer, and I can remember feeling the way you feel. I threw myself into work and thought it would help, but it was like sticking a plaster over a broken leg and expecting it to heal. Nobody can tell you how to grieve, but I think letting yourself feel however you're feeling - with no judgement or expectation - is important.

I'm only 22 and often think about the fact that my Mum won't be at my wedding day, but I know that she wanted life to carry on and for her children to be happy! I take pride in / try to emulate her immense bravery and positive spirit. Remember that your Mum would be / is enormously proud of you and your partner, and that you are definitely not alone in how you feel xx

So sad that you are only 22 but you are being so brave & positive - probably just like your lovely mum & I'm sure she'd be proud of how you are doing. You'll have helped with your post I'm sure.

Good luck for your future happiness. x

Hi so sorry about your poor mum your bound to feel numb and in shock ive been there my partner bad enough the diagnosis but so quick but do you know i was glad my partner went quick not for me but for her so theres some comfort that your mum didnt suffer months of pain and tratment but doesnt help us talkings the best dont avoid it lasts longer the thing is your mum will be there in you and around you ime not a crank i used to be a siniic but i dont think we ever die just our energy just mixes with the world round us so she will be at the wedding being proud of her daughter you will not see her buts will be around not the god stuff theres more in this world than we will ever understand and maybe are not ment to try and hold onto that thought i have and its given me great comfort so best wishs to you and hope your special day goes well .paul

Hello,

I’ve been reading posts on this message board for months during the time my Mum was unwell. She died on the 9th of June after an 18 month battle with breast cancer. She had the all clear at the beginning of 2019 and then in March we were told it had spread to her liver. The doctors told us she had years to live and three months later she was gone. I was in the hospital with her for 5 days before she passed, I couldnt sleep or eat it was like a terrible nightmare and I kept expecting her to get up and talk to us and walk out and everything be okay. The funeral was last week and I did the whole thing on auto pilot. Now it’s over I feel like everything is a bit pointless. I’ve been back at home for 3 weeks and am heading back to my flat tomorrow which I am dreading. I am hoping things will get better as I am going to try and go back to work next week. I spoke to her every day, she was my inspiration in life and I’m struggling to come to terms with all of the things she is going to miss. She was 61 and I am 31 we are exactly 30 yrs apart. Are there any things any one found that has helped them with grief and anxiety? I do find that keeping busy helps a tiny bit but life just is not the same without her. I am debating getting a pet in a few months as I thought that might help make me feel better.

Much love to everybody who is struggling xxxxx

KS

Yes its hard but hold onto the fact that the pain does dwindle but it takes time .counciling helped me if theres a bereavment group in your earea have look on web being with people going through loss of wives partners fiends mums dads does help just knowing your not the only one suffering can be a comfort and if the anxiaty gets to much gps do have things that they can give you to get you over a bad patch even the strongest need help at times i know ive iost mum day partner grandson they give out leaflets but there not realy any good for the dispair we feel .paul