Hello Sarah1970  Its been a while since I have posted on this site.  I am so very sorry that you have lost both your husbands to this horrid disease.  I to lost my husband my soulmate my best friend, it will be 3yrs on 16th September.  I hate it and feel so lost and lonely I miss him more with every passing day.  We were married for 36 yrs and though I know I was lucky to have had him as my husband for all those years its not enough. I to have family a wonderful daughter and grandson who my husband got to spend six months with and a son and daughter in law and granddaughter who sadly since the death of my husband I have not seen for nearly two years,  They live in Essex away from me and they feel I have not put in enough effort with my granddaughter who was born in the May following my husbands death.  My heart is broken in so many ways.  I just want you to know that you are not alone and im sure others on here will be able to help you more than I.  I can only imagine even though you have a wonderful family and friends how lost and lonely you feel from my own experience.  I promised my husband that I would carry on for him and children and grandchildren but its so hard but I tell myself that I am still going every day still trying to do things still trying to carry on as I promised my husband I would.  I have wonderful friends who have also helped me but there is always this sadness and longing to have my husband back and our life back.  I hope you are recovering well from your owm operation.  Just one morning one afternoon one day at a time.  Sending a huge warm hug to you.  Take care Sarah x

Hi Leigh60. I really appreciate your response. It makes you wonder when you will stop feeling this way. I know the first anniversaries are the hardest ones to cope with and i find myself reminding everyone about it every year. I even say to my daughters that it would have been your nans, or grandads birthdays every year, and i dare say they may think oh shes off again !:). I have my daughters living close by to each other ,only half an hour away and what with work etc i dont see them as much as id like which only highlights the lonelyness of again missing and feeling oh i wish i could talk to my husband again. Im sorry to hear about you not seeing your son and grandaughter, that must hurt just as much. Its sad that people have to go through this to understand the hard truth of your world being turned upside down ,and being left alone to cope with it all. I to got to know my latest husbands grown up children ,and while their dad was ill they were there alot but its gradually trailed off, and they dont keep in touch anymore. Anyway keep strong as much as you can. I completely understand how you feel. Im also here if you want a chat. Keep in touch,big hugs to you also. Take care,Sarah.X

Hi Sarah 1970  I don't think you ever stop feeling that way I feel it will always be there, there will always be a huge void I guess all we can do is what we are doing, talking and trying to carry on the best we can.  You have been through so much, I understand completely that family have work etc and what you say about reminding people of passed loved one's birthdays etc.  Its hard to hear that your loved husbands children have to gradually trailed off and take on board your comment that people have to go through it to understand it.   I do hope other people on the forum come forward to chat with you too.  You try and stay strong too and look after yourself.  My thoughts are with you.  You know I always have this feeling in my stomach of inner panic that wont come to the surface because I guess I know that nothing can ever change what we have been through.  Will keep in touch.  And thank you too. Big Hugs. Take care. Leigh60

Slightly different for me as I have just lost my Mum. But I would say...  please tell your friends how you’re feeling. If they are worth their salt then they will be there to help, support and listen. I know your kids have their own families but I’m sure if you speak to them they’ll do their best to take time out to chat or invite you over for dinner. You’ve just got to bite the bullet.....there is absolutely no shame in asking for help or letting people know you’re struggling x

Hi ime maybe a bit late replying and ime not going to try and give you advice as you probably know more than i you may already have done this i lost my partner just over a year ago this was my second chance althoe first marrige ended in divorce iafter 30 year it hurts to but lost my liz to cancer .but i i thought this evil desease is not taking my life to and i i nt feel lonely now as i feel her around me . But i i scoured the internet for social groups my age so i joind one i dont go much as i i have a number of pastimes but its enough its not easy at the begining but thats how you make friends we need to be around people our own age not the old people our age the ones that are still young at heart forget the night classes sowing and book groups there ok but not if your lonely .this one they have meals out acasonal dancing walks then pup meal afterwards being around this sort of thing takes the loneliness away they even go on holidays theres all types go and you tend to fall into a group of people you feel comfortable are divorced widowed widowers there very strick on preditors but so if you find friendship so be it i dont feel guilty about it as i still have a life to lead i have no interest in a relationship but its enough to get me out .ive 3 children and seven grandchildren and there lovely and visit .but its not enough they dont help with the true lonelyness so have a look womens groups are ok its mixed groups you need as men and women together seem to have a better time ive been bowling ached the next day but you allways feel that bit better it may not suit you and its difficult at first like the sober person at a party this of course is what i did ime just giving you an example so many go once feel uncomfortable never give it a chance and give up but if you percivier it can be a real boon .its getting out of the rut best wishs .paul

Hi Sarah1970.

I am a bit further down the grieving path. Hubby passed away 4 and a half years ago now after three years of suffering. I found work stressful and had to cut my hours to cope. Anniversary dates still come with twinges of sadness but the only way I could cope day to day (early days hour to hour) was to keep busy...........the housework had never been done so vigorously.  In my own wayI found my feet bit by bit but the major help was joining local social gym (ladies only who love to chat as well as trying to be healthy).  I had never done anything like this before and was a small turning point.

I was married over 37 years, have two great children and now four grandchildren, two of whom my hubby never met and have also seen my son married (emotional day for us all but we got through it). My inlaws are further afield and contact is mostly via social website and/or e-mail.  Sady I have found that l had to take the lead with friends as they did not know how to deal with the bereavement or what to say.frightened to put their foot in it I think.  On the other hand his good friends and our children were and are still grieving themselves but the one thing I will never do is not be afraid to include hubby in our conversations.He was a huge part of our lives and I am now 'living' because that is what he would have wanted.

 I am currently watching my Mum fade away during the past year and this has brought a lot of those  sad feelings back but this forum was my saviour in 2012 and I still post occasionally.  It is like having a virtual family who will listen and not judge.  Say things how they are got me the support I needed and I hope you find chatting here can lighten that loneliness we all feel when the loss is great.

Virtual hugs. Jules54