Lost my mum one year ago today

It's been a difficult month, knowing that May is the anniversary of my mums passing. Today is the day she passed last year, and I feel a heaviness and sadness. In fact, I've felt this way for most of this month.

In some ways the pain of losing someone you are so close to does get easier - in terms of not crying heavily several times a day. But in many other ways, it gets harder because I can't talk to her or see her anymore. That a whole part of my life has changed forever. Things like going over to her house and sitting down having a coffee with her. Such a normal, simple act. Something that I did often and was so familiar. Gone. Her house is gone. She is gone. I just miss her so much. 

I find that a year on, the pain is still there. But that now, the support is completely gone. Last weekend was mothers's day (Canada) which partly explains why this whole month has been so painful for me. But my boyfriend was unable to offer me anything. I was crying, saying how much I miss her and he said "I don't really know what to say", and went back to his phone. It was brutal. I felt so completely alone. 

To make matters worse, one of my good friends father passed away on Tuesday of COPD, which is what my mother had (along with lung cancer) and today is the funeral! I went to the viewing last night, and when I got home I cried hard. I'm dreading this funeral. It will be a heavily religious service, and it's a grey rainy day. At least for my mums funeral last year, it was a beautiful sunny day. Somehow that helped. But I have to be there to support my friend. It's just going to be hard. 

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  • Hi Seraphine8,

    Reading your post resonated so much, my mum passed away Sept 26th last year and it is her birthday tomorrow, I just stood in a shop and the same card I bought mum last year was on sale; it breaks your heart all over again, my neice said to buy a card to put on mum's grave but I couldn't do it, how do I buy a card when mum's not here.

    I think our grief is so individual, so personal to us that it is difficult for others sometimes to comprehend and you're right when you say about the uncontrollable crying; that stops but it's the longest time we've been without our mum's, that's so very hard.

    My auntie died on Monday and it does bring everything back, my poor dad, I could see how it affected him. That's strange you said about the sunny day for your mum's funeral, we were the same, it was pretty miserable weather and the day of the funeral, I said to dad, mum sent the sunshine for us.

    I hope your friends dad service went as well as can be expected and you're ok.

    I know you said about feeling lonely, I'm sorry to read about what you're going through, sending a virtual hug, thinking of you at this difficult time.

    Take care

  • Thank you. Gosh that is so sad seeing the same card on the shelf. It's the small things that trigger us, isn't it? My boyfriend was picking out a card for Mother's day to send to his mum and as soon as I saw the card section with all the mum cards I lost it. Had to walk away. I couldn't look at the card he bought, couldn't sign it. Nothing. Way too painful. 

    Somehow I got through my friends dads funeral. It probably helped that the priest had a thick accent and I couldn't understand most of what he said - and when I caught a word here and there it was usually religious words, so I found myself able to just stay distracted and observe the beaufiful church. Plus the music was lovely, so I focussed on that. It also helped that I was going to Marillion Weekend last night. It was a really strange day.

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  • Thank you. Gosh that is so sad seeing the same card on the shelf. It's the small things that trigger us, isn't it? My boyfriend was picking out a card for Mother's day to send to his mum and as soon as I saw the card section with all the mum cards I lost it. Had to walk away. I couldn't look at the card he bought, couldn't sign it. Nothing. Way too painful. 

    Somehow I got through my friends dads funeral. It probably helped that the priest had a thick accent and I couldn't understand most of what he said - and when I caught a word here and there it was usually religious words, so I found myself able to just stay distracted and observe the beaufiful church. Plus the music was lovely, so I focussed on that. It also helped that I was going to Marillion Weekend last night. It was a really strange day.

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