Lost my mum one year ago today

It's been a difficult month, knowing that May is the anniversary of my mums passing. Today is the day she passed last year, and I feel a heaviness and sadness. In fact, I've felt this way for most of this month.

In some ways the pain of losing someone you are so close to does get easier - in terms of not crying heavily several times a day. But in many other ways, it gets harder because I can't talk to her or see her anymore. That a whole part of my life has changed forever. Things like going over to her house and sitting down having a coffee with her. Such a normal, simple act. Something that I did often and was so familiar. Gone. Her house is gone. She is gone. I just miss her so much. 

I find that a year on, the pain is still there. But that now, the support is completely gone. Last weekend was mothers's day (Canada) which partly explains why this whole month has been so painful for me. But my boyfriend was unable to offer me anything. I was crying, saying how much I miss her and he said "I don't really know what to say", and went back to his phone. It was brutal. I felt so completely alone. 

To make matters worse, one of my good friends father passed away on Tuesday of COPD, which is what my mother had (along with lung cancer) and today is the funeral! I went to the viewing last night, and when I got home I cried hard. I'm dreading this funeral. It will be a heavily religious service, and it's a grey rainy day. At least for my mums funeral last year, it was a beautiful sunny day. Somehow that helped. But I have to be there to support my friend. It's just going to be hard. 

Parents
  • Hello Serapine; I recognised your name as soon as I saw your post.  So a year has passed; when you hit the year anniversary of a loved ones death it can be very painful - as though your mum (in your case) is drifting further and further away from you.  I know I did.  How does the rest of the world carry on as normal I wondered.  I (by the way) still talk to my mum who died many years ago; I can imagine what she would say and see her in my mind's eye; I still carry her love (and that of others I have lost) in my heart and mind but not to the stage where it overwhelms me.  I feel that they have become part of me and nothing will change that.  Don't be too hard on your boyfriend; he is just being honest and unless you can tell him what you would like he may feel a bit lost and worried about how to help you.  Have you tried bereavement counselling?  We are lucky to have had such lovely people in our lives and the people we are now have been fashioned from the people who raisesd and loved us; that is a blessing.  Annie

  • Thank you for your heartfelt reply. That brought tears to my eyes. I imagine how she'd reply to things, and I write to her. It is too painful to have contact completely cut off. I do wish my boyfriend was a bit more empathic, but he's still been loving. He knew yesterday was hard, going to the funeral and the day before to a viewing. He hugged me and asked me if I was ok. He feels badly, I know that. But he's not grieving so he doesn't know exactly how to help at this point. I am going to look into bereavement counselling. I think it would be really nice to be able to just sit down and let it all out, and there is no one in my life that I can really do that with. 

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  • Thank you for your heartfelt reply. That brought tears to my eyes. I imagine how she'd reply to things, and I write to her. It is too painful to have contact completely cut off. I do wish my boyfriend was a bit more empathic, but he's still been loving. He knew yesterday was hard, going to the funeral and the day before to a viewing. He hugged me and asked me if I was ok. He feels badly, I know that. But he's not grieving so he doesn't know exactly how to help at this point. I am going to look into bereavement counselling. I think it would be really nice to be able to just sit down and let it all out, and there is no one in my life that I can really do that with. 

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