Hi Katie, reading what you have written could be like I had just wrote it. I feel completely the same as you. My dad died in October 2018 and I don’t think I’ll ever get over it. He was my most favourite person in the world and I am heartbroken. I am an only child and we have always been very close. Sometimes I think it’s been 5 months, should I be coping better than I am but then I think 5 months is nothing compared to the 45 years I have loved him for. I cry every day, a few times, anything can set me off. Sometimes I feel like it still hasn’t sunk in....I don’tknow where I think he’s gone....but I really struggle to believe I’m never going to see him again, it’s so final. No one can really understand what you are going through until they experience it for themselves. I have no help or advice to offer you, just support and to promise you you aren’t the only one feeling this way. Our daddy’s are our first love and our heroes. 

Take care, big hugs xxx

Hi daddyssarah - I just read your post and I checked the date. I know it was a year ago but I read your post and felt like you were a kindred spirit. Everything you said is exactly as I feel. I lost my daddy 4 months ago to cancer and I feel just as you describe. It's so lonely because it feels like no one understands. I wanted to ask you how you are feeling now and whether you have any tips for getting through it. I keep asking myself how long I'm going to feel this broken. Thank you and hope you read this x 

I'm in floods of tears reading these posts. My dad died just under 5 months ago. He started becoming  ill in January , in n out with infection uti then March lockdown for covid I tried to keep him well at home. Relentless admissions on his own for infections and nhs sending him home ASAP in worse condition still confused with infections , he was diagnosed cancer alone on a ward n sent home. I spent three months on phone running round for prescriptions and asking for help being passed the buck due to covid but he didn't have covid so nobody gave one.

im traumatised by the responsibility put on me.

im devastated by my loss.

I miss him relentlessly.

im haunted by the lack of medical help.

im in turmoil of responsibility.

im empty in loss.

im so sorry for his lack of help.

i miss him and it's killing me.

but reading this confirms our experiences where different and traumatic but we loved our dads and they us. 

Hello Jube 

I hope time has started to heal these mortal wounds. I read your post and it resonated so much. I lost my Dad only a few days ago and I am haunted by the chaos and trauma of the last 24 hours. It is still too raw for me to go into detail, but it was horrific. I never used to drink alcohol but it's the only thing to numb the pain and the trauma of what happened. 
 

I am just trying to take each day at a time. When I think too far ahead I freak out. My Dad was my hero. Lost to throat cancer having already beaten it once 19 years ago. Such a devatstating blow. 

I'm sorry anybody else should go through our experience at the start of lockdown but it appears still pretty bad. Apart from loosing somebody and in the way they go in my experience the nhs made it worse.

its 9 months now for me, it never goes but you just manage it a bit better , every few days a haunting image throws itself at me and knocks me sick. 

I understand the drinking, I did the same it numbed the thoughts a bit but you can't do it forever, get the big things done then try to drop a night of no alcohol.

I let the bereavement take me and I became ill , I got shingles 6 months after and still having tests I am anaemic. I know my dad would not want this for me.

deaths the most awful experience of someone you love your brain can't cope with it especially under the conditions we experienced. My doctor put on my sick note complex traumatic bereavement, at that point I realised yes it was and that's making it harder than loosing somebody in 'normal' expected ways. 
I thought I was going mad with grief and turmoil of the who situation. 
 

it's very early days for you, you have to go through it, I don't know if I'm at the other end yet or not but each week moves you forward, you have to continue we have no option. It does get slightly more manageable day by day.

if your feeling bad send a message , reading on here makes you realise your not alone. It's taken me a very long time to say out loud some of the things that happened to my dad and some things will still with me forever , like I want to protect him and keep it private I don't know.

your still in shock.

hold on tight your dad I'm sure wouldn't want this xxxx 
 

Hi steviep and jube, 

For me it has been a little over 2 years. 
I can't begin to imagine what you have been through with this happening at the same time as Covid and the restrictions etc. 
I do however know the overwhelming feeling of stress as I was pregnant with my parents first grandchild at the time, dad passed away 2 weeks before the baby came, the whole experience was traumatic. 
 

I am just here to say it gets easier. I'm not sure how or when, but it did and trust me I loved my dad as much as anyone, saw him most days and were very close so I'm saying it gets better from someone who was hit very hard by it as well. 

I definitely would have been a prime culprit for drinking and going out if it wasn't for the baby. 
Take each day at a time, if that seems too daunting then just take each hour at a time. I promise you will get there, the horrible memories will fade xxx 

Hi steviep and jube, 

For me it has been a little over 2 years. 
I can't begin to imagine what you have been through with this happening at the same time as Covid and the restrictions etc. 
I do however know the overwhelming feeling of stress as I was pregnant with my parents first grandchild at the time, dad passed away 2 weeks before the baby came, the whole experience was traumatic. 
 

I am just here to say it gets easier. I'm not sure how or when, but it did and trust me I loved my dad as much as anyone, saw him most days and were very close so I'm saying it gets better from someone who was hit very hard by it as well. 

I definitely would have been a prime culprit for drinking and going out if it wasn't for the baby. 
Take each day at a time, if that seems too daunting then just take each hour at a time. I promise you will get there, the horrible memories will fade xxx