Hi there,

I've never posted on here before, I've read loads but for some reason I've never written. Maybe denial as writing down what I've gone through makes it real and painful to try and accept.

your post really resonated with me and I can 100% relate to everything that you wrote. It's a physical pain every day. I sometimes forget and then I remember my Dad is gone and it's like someone has punched me in the stomach.

My Dad died of prostate cancer 3 weeks ago. He was only 70, I'm only 35. It's far too soon for either of us to live our lives without our dads by our side. I just cannot accept that he has gone and I will never see or speak to him again. My life and my world feel like they have shattered. 

we were so close, I'm definitely a daddy's girl and always will be. He was a talented, funny, caring, beautiful human and watching him decline so rapidly into someone I didn't recognise and seeing the suffering he was in was nearly as painful as losing him.

I, like you, was with him right until the end, I held his hand as he took his last breath. Nothing in life can prepare you for that moment. How can life be there 1 second and gone the next?

I cry constantly. I miss him so much it hurts. I'm not sure how I'll survive without him but I can hear him willing me on and telling me that it's going to be okay. His voice is still there, I hear it every day and it's honestly the only thing getting me through the day. 
 

im so so sad, my heart is heavy and I don't care about anything just now. I find it hard to function or even get out of bed. I guess it would be nice to connect or speak to someone who had experienced this too. I'm not sure what else to do.

Wow Hi Hannah..

I cant believe how similar our situations are. Youre Dad sounds completely wonderful, and Im sure the World is far worse off without him in it.

I hated when anyone said to me that time is a healer, but I promise you it is. The physical pain never ever goes and I still miss him everyday, but you do start to be able to function again. I told my Dad that when I left uni I was going to work at the airport, and thats what I did. That was far too painful for me thinking he would never know that I actually did it, so I left. Dont rush yourself into anything, let yourself cry and let yoursef be sad. You deserve to wallow in all the emotions because it is one of the biggest losses you will ever face. 
 

It took me a while to feel like this, but you just have to think you did everything you could do for your Dad. You put your own pain aside to be there with him right until the end, and that is a tough tough thing to do.

It is so so devestating being a complete Daddys girl without your Daddy. Its something no one can understand unless they have gone through it. Be proud of yourself that you are still going, and keep it with you that your Dad is so proud too.

I would love to stay in touch as it really sounds like we have been through pretty much the exact same rollercoaster, so hopefully we could be a comfort to oneanother. I am here any time you want to talk, as I know how much better you can feel after just writing it all down and getting it out of your head.

XXXX

Katie hello, 

Wow everything you said in your post I can understand, I lost my Father to cancer on the 1st of Jan, 1918, at 13:15, to be honest we. Lost him hours before as he eventually became comatose with all the drugs etc, he too had a traumatic death, and one that stays with me every day and more so coming up to his anniversary.

I drive a lot  for a living and spend long hours on Motorways, so suppose to much time for thoughts going through my head, it's not long before I visualise him on the embankments, waving at me, I know it's mad and I'm not seriously!! But I actually wave back!! Ok maybe a bit mad!! But I've tried to ignore him but then feel guilty so wait to see him again!!  Just to be clear these are my thoughts and visions not actual ghosts !! I tried a councillor but to be honest it didn't work for me, 

I think when we hurt so much we don't want other people telling us that it will be ok, or give it time!!

Its something that we all have to deal with in our own ways, the way I cope, ok try and cope is to do just as I do above, I always say hi Dad, and yes wave, and some times laugh if I see him on a gantry, as if to say what the xxxx you doing up there you mad fool...

But I do feel better for a while, if you can find a way in private to do something similar you may find a little more peace... My heart goes out to you, and to all the others who feel the way we do... Suppose it's a life lesson, 

By the way you didn't and shouldn't apologise for putting your feelings down on paper so to speak.. If that helps you then can only be a good thing..

Take Care

I completely understand you, I lost my dad 13 years ago and it still hurts me to this day. The days I don't think about him, I feel guilty and just lost everyone says that time helps but it anything it  makes things worse, the more time passes the worse I feel over the fact my life has moved on without my Dad. I miss him so much, but I don't know what or who lam actually missing because I never knew him. It pains me to know that I've cried so much over someone I didn't even know.

I was 3 years old when my dad died of stomach cancer.The only thing I remember about him is when he was on his last days &he needed help to go places. My mum and uncle helped him,that's all I remember, yet I miss him so much. In my head I believe that I have no right to miss him, I didn't even know him!

Hi i am struggling too , my dad died in March this year I knew he was dying but the end was quite sudden . My family and I were  with him when he passed I had never felt pain like it , it's true what my friend said to me ,she lost her mum a long time ago you become part of a club you never wanted to be in as only people who have lost a parent will understand what you are going through . I am so tired of feeling sad, we have just had our first Christmas without him (he loved Christmas) I felt like I just went through the motions . I still sometimes can't believe he has gone , I too cry most days and I get flashbacks of his passing usually when I'm on my own or when I wake up in the morning. I also find it hard  to get my head around the fact I'll never see him again . It does help to read you are not alone in feeling like this . I try to be happy but there is such a hole in my life now nothing feels the same . It's the overwhelming feeling of sadness I can't deal with, he  was a wonderful dad and he went through so much in the last two years of his life he never moaned he just accepted what was happening to him. 
It makes me angry how he had to suffer but I am so proud of how he dealt with it . I know I will miss him every day of my life and I just hope the pain gets easier to bare.

I feel for you all and I share all the same emotions I literally felt like my heart broke and now im trying to put the pieces back together .

They say time is a healer and I really hope that is true ,I suppose we have to try and muddle through as best we can until we do feel healed .

love to you all

I've recently lost my dad and I am the same! I cannot accept my dad has gone! He spent a lot of time in hospital before he passed away, and I still see he is in there. My dad died of pancreatic cancer and in the end got covid which made him so weak. I don't know how to deal with the loss! I can see this post is 2 years old so hopefully you will have some guidance for me. I hope your ok! Reading the posts it's so awful that the majority lost their loved ones to this awful pancreatic cancer! My dad got diagnosed in late sept 2020 and we lost him in late nov 2020, he faught as much as he could but we lost him in the end to covid it's heartbreaking ️ Everyone told me to not read these stories all I can say is hope for the best prepare for the worse  Xx

It was my first Christmas without my dad too. It was horrible. My dad loved his grand children and he would of loved to have been there. I've seen you lost your dad in March I take it it doesn't get any easier. I still cannot accept he has gone, even though I have been to his funeral and scattered his ashes. I still think he will come home. Do you have any tips for dealing with the pain? 

Hi elismo 

I wish I cauld give you tips on dealing with the pain . You didn't say when your dad passed , but I think you are going through the normal process of grieving and things definitely do get easier to bare as time goes on , when I wrote my post it was the day before my birthday I was very emotional. Losing my dad was the hardest thing I've had to deal with in my life so far , in the beginning the physical pain was unbearable I felt ill with grief . I remember going to work trying to hold it together all day then when I hit the end of my road to home I would just release everything and cry . People say the first year is the hardest, all the birthdays, Christmas etc it has been so far . I have to admit on New Year's Eve I was sat on my own as my husband had to work I was emotionally drained from being so sad I said to myself my dad wouldn't want me to carry on feeling like this so somehow I managed to start the new year a little happier I'm thinking more about my dad before he was ill which helps. I know it's a cliche but it is true time is a healer and you won't feel like this forever , you have to let yourself go through the grieving process to get to that point and let your emotions out when they come . I used to like to go off and cry on my own in my bedroom or in the shower . I promise it will get easier . Don't get me wrong I still think about dad all the time and miss him every day but I don't get that awful ache in the pit of my stomach now that I had before . I really do feel for you and definitely know how you are feeling . My advice to you is to let yourself grieve it's healthy to feel all these emotions he was your dad he's been there all through your life ,it's a major trauma in your life to lose him . Please message me back anytime if you need to talk 

Sadly I too am a member of this group. I lost my dad in July 2020 and have like many of you, have been through his first birthday, our first Christmas and my birthday without him. I too am devastated and cry most days, albeit some days are worse. Some days are good days too. I loved him so much and like everyone here can't believe I have to live on without him, and I am 53! To me he was still in his 50s, not mid seventies. My mum is heartbroken, making the best of it but we will never be the same either. We speak every day for an hour, but nothing I can do for her really helps or will ever ever make up for losing him. I don't think we will ever get over it. God knows how we will get through it. My dad's story is a nightmare that was compounded by lockdown although he didn't have covid. It was so complicated and tortuous, I can't ever put it in writing, and ultimately he shouldn't have died yet, but he did. It was such a shock and to make it worse, I couldn't be with him because of lockdown rules. That is the worst bit for me and I can never change it. If you are reading this to see how others feel, please know there are so many others out here, some much older than you but feeling so much the same, you are not alone although I know it feels that way. I never thought I would ever have the need to write on a forum about it. Thank you for reading and my thoughts are with everyone feeling this way.