Wow...you are such a great Dad xx

You are definitely in the right place to post, Turk. Sadly, many of us have lost parents and other loved ones to cancer and so you’ll be in good company here xx 

I think...how you’re feeling now is a warning sign for change....I.E you recognise yourself that your current way of operating through life can’t be sustained long term. Things aren’t working out as you’re currently going...you feel like you’re running on empty and that you want to give up and that you haven’t properly grieved for the loss of your Dad xx perhaps a different approach to what you’re doing now is needed xx 

I wonder...how you’d feel discussing this with your GP. Many, many men visit their GPs for the same reason. Your GP may well be able to refer you on to some expert help (someone lovely who can help you come to terms with your loss and who can help you cope with day to day stuff). After some treatments (which can be done in the evenings or early mornings) - it’s my bet that you’ll tons better and that this will give you a great foundation to start dating again (you’ll be in a much better place emotionally to enjoy this) and make some positive decisions around your work/career. 

How do you feel about seeing your GP about this? Any reservations or challenges you can see? 

Also...I wonder if there are any local support groups in your area? Have you had a google? 

I wonder if any of the other members can also suggest something to you...anything they have accessed that they have found helpful. 

Even though you may not feel it, I think you’re a very strong person to be a single Dad and to be holding it together as you are xx 

It goes without saying that you can come back here any time you want to express anything you want xx 

Take care and hope we hear from you again

Star xx

Hi star catones dead right we can get stuck in grief plus with your son to look after you've had more stress than most should have .I went to GPS when I lost my Liz but with the best will in the world you get 10 or twenty minutes it's not enough and I don't think antidepressants help plust like us all we have a horrible lonelyness .I actually rang the local hospice and spoke to the head councilor as I beleive they are far more expieraced in this sort of loss .lonelyness and grief go hand in hand .so try giving your local hospice a call it's never to late your not alone in delayed grief it's a known problem and can be treated but you have to get out there and get help or you may never get out of that hole how olds your lad is he coping are you getting out and meeting people I can fully understand you having trouble finding company but it doesn't have to be this way if you don't want it to be I've spoke to guys that have same problem but as strong as they are or we are we sometimes just need a little bit of help.p

Hi Turk ..

Well I lost both my wonderful parents in my 30s ... and they were my world .. but when you have kids .. they look to you to help them through life ... we never stop missing our parents, but after they go, we have to put all that love and caring to our kids .. 

My boys were 7 and 16 .. and we talked about them all the time .. we brought them with us through life in our hearts .. 30 years on, they still put pictures of them on their face book and say how much they still mean .. they have told their kids about their wonderful nan and grandad...

Our kids hold our hands for such a short time .. and one day your son will be in your possision .. if you make loving memories now .. then he will love you like you love your dad .. you are half of him .. so he will live through you .. if this cancer takes me, I've told my son l want to look down and see him laugh ... or I'll kick his butt ... I bet your dad would want to see his lad smiling too ..

And it's a shame you don't all get the family together and have a remember dad day .. where you all share your best memories of him .. you will only start to mend your heart if you all start admitting how you all feel .. it's only when we hold feelings in, we walk a lonely path .. when you start sharing and listening to each other, you'll all walk the same path... chrissie. ...

Thank you for your response,

I will give them a call, my son is 17 but like me he's too closed to show his true upset, i try to talk about it with him but he doesnt want too as i think he misses him a great deal, they would do everything together. I will certainly into help for the both of us as i think we could just need stearing in the right direction, as for myself i know times a healer but ive never felt so lonely in my life. I hope i can find peace and happiness amongst the sadness.

Thank you Chriss,

My dad was a very proud man who didnt show his feelings much, it was how he was raised.  I never got to hear if he was proud of me or not, although my mum said he was always thinking about me but i wish i'd heard it from him. He was never the same when he heard he had cancer, more so on the day he retired from work ironically.

It's a good idea the remember dad day, we once let off balloons with memories/essages attached personal to us.

I told my son that if he doesnt visit me when iam gone i'll haunt him lol and he laughed, we are very close and more like friends than father and son.  It's strange that i want to move forward but the moment i feel a little happy, guilt overcomes me.

Morning ye see where your coming from at 17 it's hard just coping with life .have a chat with them there usually women and very experienced. Yes time does heal but not on its own it's only been 10 months since I lost the love of my life and ime not to bad I joined a social group go out for meals and things just that bit of adult company I don't think I would be talking now if I hadn't got out .you don't mention your wife are you widowed or divorced I've had both so understand the lonelyness and many others on here feel for you us men tend to bottle it up we are bright up to be like that and I think it's not till we reach rock bottom that we ask for help so perhaps your turning the corner my friend let's hope so keep on chatting do you good it does help. well all this helped me 17 is a funny age they tend to be on another planet to us give the hospice a call it's NHS so it's all free people think they are there to deal with death .they do so much more or you could pop down to the visitor center they do all sorts the one we have here is lovely and so are the staff .c how you go eh

Hi ya ..

Now I understand why your stuck in grief ... you needed to hear those words .."I love you and so proud of you"  men need that from their fathers ... just a few words, but a huge meaning ...

I know just how this effects you as my oldest son just wanted the same from his dad .. he has gone through so much, needing to hear that ... he never felt good enough for him, he would never say you did good son about anything .. but would always point out where he could have done better ..

I prey he's told him now, as we divorced and he moved away ... I don't know if he's ever heard those words .. if any dad reads this post ... call your son now and tell them how much they are loved and it's the best thing they will ever say ..

Well I hope you've learned that lesson and tell your son those words you wanted to hear ...  well if you WANT to move forward .. it starts with one step at a time .. you can turn your life around slowly .. and the saying I remember is ... have the courage to change what I can change .. the accept what l can't change .. and the wisdom to know the difference ...

So change your life from today (with baby steps) accept you'll never hear those words from your dad .. and the courage to take the first step ... and if you can , hopefully one day you'll hear those words back from your son ... we either look down in the gutter and carry on feeling sorry for things in our past, or we raise our heads and look at the stars .. and start helping others .. the world is what you make it ..

Believe me, you think loosing your dad is hard, loosing a child is 100 times worse .. so be his buddy again .. help your mum to and brother and sister to move on too .. you can do this .. and if you do you may just hear your dad look down and be proud of you .. but only you can make that difference ..

Chrissie x

Hi again I think our parants were brought up not to show there feelings leaves us a tad confused mum used to tell me dad never he was never same when he came back from the war mum said but you know Turk his actions were showed it I realise it was the best he knew how to do my son is 36 and we talk a lot about everything but he still knows ime his dad so my friend your not alone on that score but it still hurts at times .well the guilt thing another thing that goes with grief the what is should have said that when you get talking to people about your feelings you will find out your not alone and that many have had that that's the thing about talking if you don't you always feel the odd one out or an outsider if you talk you find out from others they have had that and then the guilt starts to go then you may find you will be able to have happy relationships and not get angry there's lots of help out there for you but you just have to find it and ask 

thank you,

my aim is to get there baby steps and speak to my son and tell him how proud i am and how much i love him and his grandfather would be to if he was alive.

Start a new clean slate from today.

HIGH FIVE to you .. it's harder to go forward.. the easy route is to stay and feel sad all the time .. but babies would never walk without taking those first baby steps .. 

It may get hard at times and you go back to wanting to give up .. but it's about being knocked down .. have a rant .. then standing back up and fighting again .. life is full of hard knocks .. we all get them .. but getting back in the ring of life and still moving forward no matter what ..

Well I'm so proud of you .. and always here if you need a chat .. you made the first step by comming on here .. big vertual hug to you ..  chrissie x