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The morning after...

Jamdaharvey
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I am a Registered Nurse with a great deal of experience with dying patients and treating everyone involved with the utmost respect.

Yesterday, my dad died. As a son of a beautiful, caring , intelligent man that gave so much time and energy to less fortunate ones in society my professional experience counted for nothing. Seeing him suffer with breathing and gasping for breath was so distressing for me and my family. 

He died from complications arising from bone mets with the prostate cancer as the primary. I care for many men be they fathers, grandfathers, sons, uncles etc with prostate cancer. The blood test (psa) is a crude marker and on this occasion completely underscored the spread of cancer. He struggled for 18 months with terrible pain still continuing to volunteer at the hospital chaplaincy to give time to patients with cancer. A really decent chap. I’m writing this on the morning after 3.30am with his body next door. My parents are spiritual people and soon he will join my grandparents in the spiritual world looking I hope to offer his guidance  to me in the decisions I make in the future. My spiritual guide I guess. I’m happy he’s no longer in pain but devastated as many others are when losing ones father and friend. We used to talk in silly voices and be stupid. I will miss his guidance, intelligence and love. In fact the whole of Norwich I’m sure. As the coming weeks appear so daunting and with tears tumbling down my cheeks  please be aware that so many men are unsupported with prostate cancer and that it’s so underfunded. These men are our dads, brothers, sons etc. In the coming months I will review my nursing job but I do know that prostate cancer is surviourable if caught early. It maybe my mission to take this challenge on in which direction I don’t know yet.

My message to other health professions, you may have seen it all before but wow when it’s your own you just can’t believe the pain. Lastly, I got taught at nursing college 25 years ago a quote and it’s stayed with me. It is “ to sympathise is to sit on the edge, to empathise is to jump in”. I now know how that feels. Thank you

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    Hi ...

    Just want to say how sorry I am, your wonderful dad has lost his journey to this crule, uncaring cancer .. and as someone who lost both parents in my 30s remember as if yesterday, that scream deep within me ..  that took years to come out ... 

    There's no easy way through grief .. it's part of loosing and being blessed to have had wonderfull parents in our lives ... and having those memories of him, is a blessing, so many children never know ... so yes they go... but they leave us richer people for knowing their love .. and I've carried my mum and dad in my heart .. where they are safe ... as your dad's right there in your heart, to take him with you through your life ... 

    Chrissie

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    Hello, how beautifully written, every word struck me.....your parents did a beautiful job bringing you up. I hope you stay in the nursing profession..it's people like you who make it what it is...

    Take care xxxxx

     

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    Hello,

    I so empathise with your story .

    I lost my husband the week before Christmas to a rare sarcoma of the prostate only diagnosed in September 2018 after a period of sudden unexplained illness from May of last year !

    He too was a very good man,always thinking of others before himself and wanting to protect me from suffering having to witness his final journey and the cruel devastation of his illness.

    Suffer he did,every day until his last breath.I too am left totally bereft and finding it hard to come to terms with what my husband had to endure and am left with the aftermath of the consequences of quite willingly ' jumping in ' as you put it,as my husband needed all the support I could offer and which I so lovingly gave.I am left empty and drained and quite broken by this experience.

    I too am struggling for a way forward after this life changing experience.I too feel the need to use this first hand experience in some positive way to promote ways forward in tackling the way this disease is managed and am very aware now that so many more emotional  supports need to be made much more accessible to both patients and carers.

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    So sorry for your loss, Jam xx You have so much love for your Dad....it is obvious. That would have been a huge comfort to him, I’m sure - having you there and knowing he was loved so much xx 

    I lost my Mum to cancer and so I understand what you’re going through right now....I know the world feels very different today. 

    You will get through this, especially what with your Dad keeping a close eye on you in spirit. It’s my bet he’s feeling rather proud of you x x 

     

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