Hi Sparkle123, I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your dad. There are no words. I lost my beautiful mum on 26th September, I understand your sadness. Although all our family were with mum at home, we left the room for dad to have some time alone with her and she passed away about 10 minutes later, I think maybe she waited for us all to leave, maybe it was right just to be with your soul-mate or she thought it would break us, to see her last moment, I don't know. 

I think it's ok to curl up in a ball, it's all so raw and I felt numb too, doesn't feel real or sink in. Don't feel you have to be so strong, that is hard, I lean on my husband, my dad and rest of the family, you have to. 

Life feels so cruel sometimes, be kind to yourself, a day at a time

Sincere condolences x