Thank you for your message.  You are feeling exactly as I am feeling about the loss of my Darling Ian, who died at the same time as your darling husband.  Like you too I have been for dinner to his two Brothers house but feel so terrible when there are five sitting round the table where there should be six.  That empty chair is awful to see.  Again like you I am finding this time of the year absolutely awful I dread Christmas Day and New Year.  In one way I do not want 2018 to end as I feel it is going to be a New Year and the year Ian died has gone.  I hope you get through the festive season without too much pain and send you much love.  I know your pain and wish there was something I could say which would help Alison xx

Hi, the way you have expressed how you are feeling speaks for so many of us.  It’s 2 years since I lost my beautiful husband, aged 56 and I miss him so terribly.  The hard thing for me now is that family and friends seem to think that I’ve ‘got over it’  and that I will ‘move on’ - but I never will, I’ve just learnt to live with it, and as you’ve said, one little thing, like a song on the radio when you don’t expect it will set me off on a sad day.  Today it was a Christmas song that we used to love singing out loud and I was in floods of tears within seconds of it starting to play.  

Whenever I come on here, I’m touched and overwhelmed by other people’s pain and suffering, and also by their kindness and sharing so I’d like to share with you, and anyone else who’s missing somebody the following words which were written to me by friends after my husband passed away and which bought me great comfort:-

Winter Always Turns to Spring (1275 Nichiven Daishonin)

“He May be watching his wife and children in the mirrors of the sun and moon every moment of the day and night.  Since you are only human you cannot see or hear him, but neither can the deaf hear thunder, nor the blind see the sun, but do not doubt that he is close at hand protecting you.  No matter how long the cold bleak days of winter may continue, winter always turns to spring, this is the law of the universe and the law of life.  As long as we hold onto hope, spring is sure to come.”

“The measure of the man is that whoever he came into contact with he left a little trace of sunshine in their lives”

I read this whenever I’m having a sad day - I hope it brings a little comfort to you too xx

That was lovely and so true i think .p

Right back at you darling xx

Hello everyone

Reading all your posts is so sad and I fully understand and can relate to the emotions you are all experiencing.

I was only with Jim for 14 years, not a lifetime I know, but nevertheless a very special 14 years of which we were married for 8.

He never enjoyed good health but was still a very strong and determined man, hiding how he really felt from me in order that I wouldn't worry.  This year especially was a particularly bad year what with one thing and another but because he also suffered from asthma from a child he mistook a lot of the cancer symptoms as being asthma related.

It wasn't until the chest pains got so severe that he saw a doctor in October but fell so ill before anything could be done that I had to call the ambulance for him on the 1st November.  Everything rollercoasted from that date which is imprinted in my memory, from being  hospitalised to being diagnosed with lung cancer which had spread to the chest lymph nodes.

He died on the 21st November with me holding his hand and telling him how much I loved him but the true pain of not ever being able to hear his voice again, seeing his smile or giving him a kiss is now sinking in.  The house is quiet, his slippers are still under his side of the bed, the aftershave and deodorants still on the medicine cabinet and all his clothes still in his closet, just as if he will be walking through the door any minute.

I, like many of you, can't stop crying.  I smell his deodorants to smell him.  I hug his slippers.  I look at his clothes and the scarf I bough him in October to protect his chest from the chill, still believing it was only a chest infection.  Everything belonging to him is now so special and dear and oh how I miss him.

I hope we all pull through this awful pain somehow, but it will certainly be a true test of strength and determination.

Love to you all and may God bless.

xxx

Hi deb and lock does it matter how long we where with your partners wether we were married or not the one thing we all had was love not every one gets that in our lives i know it makes it worse but are we not lucky for that blessing a very smart lady on this site pointed this out to me and it helped i wasnt with my partner as long and she to had some very serious none cancer related medical history and it was hard at times how that lady kept going was beyond me but love played a big part but this evil disease took her .it leaves us with guilt anxiaty  the what ifs should i have done that or not said that and its great at dam near taking us to but not me ime fighting it i know cancer has no inteligence but ime  not giving it that pleasure so try and hold on every day till you get emotionaly stronger best wishs paul

Hi Paul

Thank you and I wish you all the very best.  One day at a time but a lifetime of memories.

Take care 

Debi

Hi debbi thanks and they same to you to thats what ime doing it still hurts but not like it did the nice memories are starting to acasionaly pop in so best wishs to you lok and everyone going through this yes one day at a time