Hello MW101010 and welcome.  So sorry you are feeling so rough.  I know from losing both my own parents (some time ago now) that the period between the death and the funeral sort of carried you along with things to do and visitors but - after the funeral - you suddenly find yourself trying to get along the best you can and it ain't easy.    Please be assured that what you are feeling is natural; although we know in theory that our parents are likely to die before we do nothing prepares you for when it happens.    If you read through some of the posts on this forum you will find quite a few people having similar thoughts and pain to those you describe.  You might like to respond to some of their posts and discuss what you are going through.   The funeral was only yesterday, don't expect too much from yourself and don't take too much notice of people giving you good advice; they mean well but I know it can be difficult to smile and be pleasant.    Just take things one day at a time; there is no set timescale for grieving or the manner of grieving; you have to do what feels right for you .  I still "talk" to my mum both in my mind and sometimes out loud and I have bits and pieces (my parents wedding photo and other things) which keep my parents memory alive in my home.    Please feel you can come here at any time just to say how you are feeling and thinking about.  Once a little time has passed you may think it a good idea to change your job (not knowing anything about your situation I accept I cannot really comment) to something that will stimulate you.  Best wishes.  Annie

Hi MW101010

Just read this post & know it was time ago now but just feel your pain.

i have just buried my mother 3 weeks ago she was elderly but deteriorated fast not cancer she actuality survived kidney cancer when she was 45 .

I like you miss her like crazy she was my everything I cared for her last couple of years but she was always caring for me &others no!one can replace her she was so close to me didnt want to leave me alone & fought to live but last 3 months she lost her mind had delerium duecto infection in her foot loosing toes & heal and had heart failure in end died of sepsis .

i am still so very sad relieved her suffering is over but mine still here I really see no future without her love she was very loving to me adored me even old as I am

I find it hard to face never seeing her kissing her talking to her ever ever again in this world anyway

Life is cruel & I will be taking counselling just hard.

Hi MW101010

Just read this post & know it was time ago now but just feel your pain.

i have just buried my mother 3 weeks ago she was elderly but deteriorated fast not cancer she actuality survived kidney cancer when she was 45 .

I like you miss her like crazy she was my everything I cared for her last couple of years but she was always caring for me &others no!one can replace her she was so close to me didnt want to leave me alone & fought to live but last 3 months she lost her mind had delerium duecto infection in her foot loosing toes & heal and had heart failure in end died of sepsis .

i am still so very sad relieved her suffering is over but mine still here I really see no future without her love she was very loving to me adored me even old as I am

I find it hard to face never seeing her kissing her talking to her ever ever again in this world anyway

Life is cruel & I will be taking counselling just hard.

Hi dene25,

I’m so sorry, I’m still struggling with grief and it’s been almost 10 months. I’d like to say it gets easier but for me it hasn’t. I hope therapy will help you. I just can’t see a future for myself. I’m still just trying to get through the days and still can’t believe she’s not coming back. I’m sorry I wish I could offer you some comfort