Hello and welcome dubberley64. So sorry that you have lost your loving partner.  Four months is not so very long and in any event there are no time limits put on grieving.  It takes as long as it takes.  It is lovely that you have your daughter and granddaughter with you but of course you have lost your soulmate and that is a huge chunk cut out of your existence.  Although he still lives on in your heart it is painful not to be able to talk and laugh in your own special ways.  So please be kind to yourself.

I am attaching some information about grieving from this website which may be useful to you.  And of course you can come and talk here at any time - so many people will understand what you are going through. 

www.cancerresearchuk.org/.../coping-with-grief

Best wishes from Annie

Hi wellcome .i can relate to you i lost my partner liz six monts ago i didnt realize such mental pain exsisted we were together 24/7 we were same used to chat about anything .at four months its so early for you its the loneliness that cant be filled by anyone .but hang on in there it does soften the pain you hardly notice it but each day it just gets a bit eisier to manage so i hope that this gives you a bit of comfort if thats the word for it .when liz went i thought i would be in this black hole forever but our brains will not let us but how long it varies from person to person .i told myself this rotton horrible disease is not going to destroy me to and like you my grandkids have realy helped .i do hope your getting out and having counselling it realy helps they dont try and change the subject like others do when you need to talk talk is the best therapy also bereavement groups helped sharing things and how otheres are dealing with grief has realy helped so my best wishs to you and truely hope your pain gets less soon dosnt mean we love our partners less and i know they would feel terrible if they saw us in such pain .paul

Thankyou Annie for your help,i have read the link and it has helped to know what I am feeling is quite normal. It feels as though the first couple of months I was in some kind of daze but just lately I have been thinking about the day he died and in some ways I feel guilty because he decided on a no resuscitation order and I sometimes think that if idI tried to do something he might still be here and then I feel selfish because I know he was in alot of pain and that's why he wanted to go. The only thing I am thankful for is that he was able to call out for me and so he litrliter died in my arms.

Hi again; glad you found the information here useful.  You should not feel guilty; remember it was his decision and if you had somehow managed to rescind the DNR he would have been very unhappy and in pain.  It would have been awful for both of you.   As it is your beloved partner died in the way he had wanted with no being dragged back to the land of the (painful) living.  And, very importantly, he died in your arms.  Just take your time and don't worry about how long you are grieving. As long as  you are sleeping and eating enough to keep body and soul together you will gradually get through this. I realise it is horrible for you at this present time.  Annie

Thankyou so much. Apart from my daughter I don't really have anyone else to talk to and I don't really want to keep burdening her(even though she would probably tell me off for not talking to her). We were a very close couple and I was his carer for a long time because he was ill as well before he got cancer so I do feel as if a big part of me is missing. It's also coming up to the first anniversary of my mum dying so I lost my beloved partner and my mum within 7 months.

Hi there.  Please do feel free to drop in here at any time you want to talk about your partner; I like talking to people as do others here.  And this is what the forum is for!  Annie

Thankyou so much Annie for replying to me the last few days. I've been finding things really hard to cope with lately and just knowing that someone is taking the time to talk to me has given me great comfort.

Sue.

I lost my partner Liz just over 3 weeks ago. I can relate to you, as I became Liz's carer for the last two years of her life. I still think she's gonna be in bed having a nap, or she's gonna get up and come through to do some art or put on a record. I've heard grief gets easier in time, personally I'm not feeling it getting easier though its still early for me. Have you heard of something called extreme grief or complicated grief? That's when grief gets more intense and complicated over time maybe worth checking that out and going to doctor if it doesn't ease up soon. Peace and best wishes to you. B

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your partner. Like you I was his carer for about 5 years because he had chronic copd before he was diagnosed with cancer just 2weeks before he died. We were always a close couple before but I think when you become a carer that closeness becomes even more. I still sometimes expect him to be in the house when I come home. I've never heard of extreme or complicated grief so I think I will look into that. It is also coming up to the 1st anniversary of my mum's death so I think things are just catching up with me. Thank you for your advice and you take care and anytime you need a chat please message me anytime.

Sue