Hello and welcome dubberley64. So sorry that you have lost your loving partner.  Four months is not so very long and in any event there are no time limits put on grieving.  It takes as long as it takes.  It is lovely that you have your daughter and granddaughter with you but of course you have lost your soulmate and that is a huge chunk cut out of your existence.  Although he still lives on in your heart it is painful not to be able to talk and laugh in your own special ways.  So please be kind to yourself.

I am attaching some information about grieving from this website which may be useful to you.  And of course you can come and talk here at any time - so many people will understand what you are going through. 

www.cancerresearchuk.org/.../coping-with-grief

Best wishes from Annie

Hi wellcome .i can relate to you i lost my partner liz six monts ago i didnt realize such mental pain exsisted we were together 24/7 we were same used to chat about anything .at four months its so early for you its the loneliness that cant be filled by anyone .but hang on in there it does soften the pain you hardly notice it but each day it just gets a bit eisier to manage so i hope that this gives you a bit of comfort if thats the word for it .when liz went i thought i would be in this black hole forever but our brains will not let us but how long it varies from person to person .i told myself this rotton horrible disease is not going to destroy me to and like you my grandkids have realy helped .i do hope your getting out and having counselling it realy helps they dont try and change the subject like others do when you need to talk talk is the best therapy also bereavement groups helped sharing things and how otheres are dealing with grief has realy helped so my best wishs to you and truely hope your pain gets less soon dosnt mean we love our partners less and i know they would feel terrible if they saw us in such pain .paul

Thankyou Annie for your help,i have read the link and it has helped to know what I am feeling is quite normal. It feels as though the first couple of months I was in some kind of daze but just lately I have been thinking about the day he died and in some ways I feel guilty because he decided on a no resuscitation order and I sometimes think that if idI tried to do something he might still be here and then I feel selfish because I know he was in alot of pain and that's why he wanted to go. The only thing I am thankful for is that he was able to call out for me and so he litrliter died in my arms.

Hi again; glad you found the information here useful.  You should not feel guilty; remember it was his decision and if you had somehow managed to rescind the DNR he would have been very unhappy and in pain.  It would have been awful for both of you.   As it is your beloved partner died in the way he had wanted with no being dragged back to the land of the (painful) living.  And, very importantly, he died in your arms.  Just take your time and don't worry about how long you are grieving. As long as  you are sleeping and eating enough to keep body and soul together you will gradually get through this. I realise it is horrible for you at this present time.  Annie

Thankyou so much. Apart from my daughter I don't really have anyone else to talk to and I don't really want to keep burdening her(even though she would probably tell me off for not talking to her). We were a very close couple and I was his carer for a long time because he was ill as well before he got cancer so I do feel as if a big part of me is missing. It's also coming up to the first anniversary of my mum dying so I lost my beloved partner and my mum within 7 months.

Hi there.  Please do feel free to drop in here at any time you want to talk about your partner; I like talking to people as do others here.  And this is what the forum is for!  Annie

Thankyou so much Annie for replying to me the last few days. I've been finding things really hard to cope with lately and just knowing that someone is taking the time to talk to me has given me great comfort.

Sue.

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your partner. Like you I was his carer for about 5 years because he had chronic copd before he was diagnosed with cancer just 2weeks before he died. We were always a close couple before but I think when you become a carer that closeness becomes even more. I still sometimes expect him to be in the house when I come home. I've never heard of extreme or complicated grief so I think I will look into that. It is also coming up to the 1st anniversary of my mum's death so I think things are just catching up with me. Thank you for your advice and you take care and anytime you need a chat please message me anytime.

Sue

Hi to everyone who have lost their partners and loved ones.

I haven’t been on here for a little while, I too lost my husband 3 months ago to a very sudden pancreatic and liver cancer at the age of 51. He was diagnosed on Friday 13th July and passed away on 29th July this year, 2 weeks from diagnosis! Very few symptoms until those last weeks and had no treatment options as it was too late.

We never had a chance to come to terms with the cancer before he was gone. I am totally heartbroken and lost without him, like all of you, as time is going by it feels like my grief is getting deeper. I have one son who has become very distant with me, him and his Dad were best friends and this also hurts as he is dealing with his grief in his own way. I wish my husband would just come back to me and all of this is just a bad dream!

How do you get through a day without crying? How do you mention their name without crying?

We had been together for 31 years! Cancer is a very cruel disease and only takes the best!!!

Thinking of all of you,

Debbie