Hi my names paul and welcome i lost my partner liz about same time she was misdiagnosed finaly had chemo monday massive stroke friday and died of sepsis early hours sunday morning. Its Its only been a short time for you and having a good cry is the best thing its a safty valve. Ime coming through i think because within a week i arranged bereavment counciling joined a bereavment group at first i thought this is rubbish but eventualy i realised it was bringing me along i still yern for liz and miss her dredfully she was my best friend and love so like you ive felt lost and hopeless .so if you havant had any please try it its alowing me to let go of the pain and realise that because the pains going my love for liz has not got less in fact more because its not clouded by the rotton pain that helps no one. so best wishs and i do hope you can pull yourself through eventualy and your pain will lift but it takes time so take one day at a time  .best wishs paul

Thankyou for your reply I'm new to using chatrooms so I wasn't sure if I was doing it right. I was offered councilling a couple of weeks after my partner died but at the time I thought I would cope I wish now I had said yes but it's too late now because the course has finished in our area and there aren't any more yet. I feel angry sometimes because I think that if we had known sooner maybe things may have been different or at least we could of had time to prepare ourselves. The only thing I am thankful of is that he was able to stay at home and I could be with him at all times until the end. I'm going to the drs tomorrow so I'm going to ask for help because if I could let go of the pain perhaps this feeling may not hurt so much. 

Yes thats a good idea drs .but i rang the hospice there will be one near you they have councilers my oppinon was that they would be most experianced allso theres the cruz helpline numbers free you can chat to them they can send you information and i beleive they do it but its a post code lottery ime afraid .but dr should be able to help with this cruz is open during the day you can chat to them they are realy nice .lots out there to help .ime not saying ime not suffering but that rotton gut wrenching feeling is gone most of the time also i kept saying ime not letting that rotton disease take us both and i know liz would have been in depair if she saw me suffering ..you will get rid of the pain trust me you cant stop it our brains take us through .but your realy early on in your grief just take one day at a time you will get there .just try not to hang onto the pain keep the love and memories the pain serves no purpose . Also take no notice of the five stages of grief elizebeth kubbler ross who wrote afterward said it was only ment as a guideline me i tended to cycle back and forth .but explain your feelings to dr ime sure he or she can help best wishs i didnt have any time and liz could barly speak i realy dont think you can prepare yourself i dont know about this saying goodby .some maybe do but i wasnt going to say your going to die love goodbye i think thats more in the films maybe some can but i couldnt .best wishs paul 

I'm so glad that you have taken the time to speak to me you dont realise how much that means. My partner and I had nearly 34yrs of happiness and making memories,we have 2 beautiful children and a adorable granddaughter and I've just been thinking how lucky I have been. I sometimes think it maybe was easier not knowing how Ill he was because at least we just behaved as normal.lt is hard feeling lost because you haven't got the other half of you but I know he wouldn't want to see me like this and just speaking to you I am going to get some help.