Hi my names paul and welcome i lost my partner liz about same time she was misdiagnosed finaly had chemo monday massive stroke friday and died of sepsis early hours sunday morning. Its Its only been a short time for you and having a good cry is the best thing its a safty valve. Ime coming through i think because within a week i arranged bereavment counciling joined a bereavment group at first i thought this is rubbish but eventualy i realised it was bringing me along i still yern for liz and miss her dredfully she was my best friend and love so like you ive felt lost and hopeless .so if you havant had any please try it its alowing me to let go of the pain and realise that because the pains going my love for liz has not got less in fact more because its not clouded by the rotton pain that helps no one. so best wishs and i do hope you can pull yourself through eventualy and your pain will lift but it takes time so take one day at a time  .best wishs paul

Thankyou for your reply I'm new to using chatrooms so I wasn't sure if I was doing it right. I was offered councilling a couple of weeks after my partner died but at the time I thought I would cope I wish now I had said yes but it's too late now because the course has finished in our area and there aren't any more yet. I feel angry sometimes because I think that if we had known sooner maybe things may have been different or at least we could of had time to prepare ourselves. The only thing I am thankful of is that he was able to stay at home and I could be with him at all times until the end. I'm going to the drs tomorrow so I'm going to ask for help because if I could let go of the pain perhaps this feeling may not hurt so much. 

I'm so glad that you have taken the time to speak to me you dont realise how much that means. My partner and I had nearly 34yrs of happiness and making memories,we have 2 beautiful children and a adorable granddaughter and I've just been thinking how lucky I have been. I sometimes think it maybe was easier not knowing how Ill he was because at least we just behaved as normal.lt is hard feeling lost because you haven't got the other half of you but I know he wouldn't want to see me like this and just speaking to you I am going to get some help.

Thats great to hear you sounding a bit more positive sounds like you had a wonderful marriage it will not be easy i liken grief to being stood in the sea with our backs to the waves and every now and then a big wave catches us and we go under but we come back up spluttering and coughing but we do come back and eventualy the tide goes out .talk to your kids ime shure they would like to . Or they may try and avoide avoide it because they think it may hurt you more .but keep trying and one day you may wake up and the suns shinning next day it may be dull then shinning for two days .keep trying and that pain will go .they say grief is the price we pay for love but we dont have to pay forever .come back if you feel yourself slipping theres many many nice people on here that will try and give you support sepsis took my liz in two days she just slipped away in a way it was a blessing  for us didnt feel that way at the time but i feel that now .paul