Hi Jia thanks for replying to my post I dearly hope that your condition is treatable and that you can get back to a more normal life if that's possible .my counseling skills are quite poor at the minute so I absolutely apologize if I'm making a dogs dinner of saying what I've said.What is this widows group that you mentioned did you join or know anyone who has and what did it give them.It's Andreas funeral on the 20th this month and she's only allowed ten people to attend,I've planned when I will return to work that's if my loss of Andrea has somehow gotten a little easier,but the environment I work is very demanding and minute by minute stress at times so I will judge that return later.I'm dreading the funeral day as I'm totally wrecked and broken.

Thanks Devondog. The widows/widowers group is split into 2. For under 50s it’s called WAY www.widowedandyoung.org.uk/.../

i joined about 12 months after my hubby died. It is both online suppprt and there are meet-ups. I’m on the older group and we have monthly lunches, go the theatre and go on holidays, find decent pubs. It isn’t a stuffy group!  we also have our WhatsApp chat too.  

We all get support from each other as no matter how far along you are there is always someone who knows what you are going through and can relate and more importantly will listen.  Plus you can be open and honest with them rather than thinking you are worrying your family and friends. As as I said it’s not for everyone but worth a go. 

The funeral will be awful and of course you will be heartbroken but you will get throughout it minute by minute and you will have those closest to you supporting you  

Hello again I've been back to the hospice to collect Andrea's personal things my daughter wanted her mother's dressing gown but it is upsetting going through Andrea's things they have even put her pyjamas in that have vomit on and the smell immediately came back of when she was constantly vomiting all of this brown,black horrible liquid, even when Andrea was resting there was a rattling sound as if she couldn't clear her throat but it was the cancer not allowing her to pass anything from her bowels naturally The nurses assured me that she was not alone or in pain when she passed away.I'd rang that evening at 19.00 hrs to ask how she is doing and they told me that Andrea hadn't woken that day.We had face timed her with the help of the nurses but the image of Andrea lying there was horrible in the sense that the woman lying there was just a frame of the lovely bouncy tom boy of a woman I love .At 19.40 I heard the phone ring and I knew it was the call I didn't want.Thanks for all advice and help.Love to everyone who has gone or going through this horrible vicious selfish condition that unfortunately we know as cancer.

My brother in law lost hhoa wife last week tto breast cancer, she was diagnosed latte January abdd fought very bravely too the end.

She is survived but 3 young. Children age 8,  6 and her baby son turn turned 1in may past.

She died at home.  Sitting up in bed the previous week, able to eat and drink.

To spiralling down hill very quickly. 

Eventually in alot of pain, being sedated and slipping away with all her family present. 

Luckily we were able too have a beautiful service at home, which she would have loved. 

We just don't know where to go from here, any advice would be deeply deeply appreciated. 

Many Thanks 

Hi Devon,

Sorry to hear about your loss. Life is cruel,this horrible cancer has totally destroyed our life. My precious son Sunny who was 34/passed away on 21, August 20, it was pancreatic cancer. It was only two weeks history of back pain, GP thought sciatica, prescribed gavapantin, along with other painkillers it didn't help his pain. Third week he developed shortness of breath, fourth week he was admitted to hospital, CT scan didn't show anything, only after bone marrow biopsy it was confirmed pancreatic cancer. Within a week of hospital admission he passed away. This cancer is so lethal, aggressive. My son didn't had any sign or symptoms. 
 

He was healthy, exercising every day, never smoked, no alcohol, working full time. We loved travelling, obviously I traveled with my friends, he traveled himself. 
We lived together, as my daughter moved to Scotland last year with her boyfriend. He was such a gentle soul, never answered back, always thinking positive. 
 

our dreams and hopes were shattered, I find myself deeply sad, empty, broken. I cry everyday, looking at his empty room, looking at all the young people, I miss my Sunny so much.

I can feel your pain, how painful it is when your beloved one is not here anymore, every little thing reminds of our loved one. I am in intense emptiness, loneliness, a deep desire to see my child again.

Take care

Big hug

Ash x

Hi

Sorry to here about your loss, I lost my wife to bone / lung cancer 2 days ago, i feel like my heart has been completely ripped out, she was diagnosed in october after 3 months of illnesses, we have fought and fought to keep her going with incorrect diagnosis and doctors saying she was lying because she had too many issue's. Delays after delays, NHS England denying her treatment saying she didnt tick all the boxes, more delays, eventually she had her first chemo/immunotherapy a week ago but it was too late to help.
 

She lost consiousness for a few minutes, when she came to, she was saying she couldnt breath and pains in her chest, called 999 they arrived within 10 miutes but she was gone 5 mins later. It was so sudden and unexpected so soon, how do I cope with this now, I have lost my sole mate, the love of my life.

Hi there,

I'm so sorry to hear your loss. I can understand your pain, losing your loved one is heart breaking. It will be four months on 21, December still feels like yesterday. I cry everyday and miss my son a lot. There is no answer but I still keep saying why. Why my son.? Who was so health conscious, gentle, kind why he is snatched such a short life. 

long cancer is another aggressive cancer like pancreatic cancer. My son had no sign and symptoms, within a week of admission he passed away, prior to admission he wasn't that bad. I still find difficult to believe he is not here.

life is cruel, unfair. I'm having counselling which takes the edge of it. Trying to keep myself busy though it's difficult as my mind is all the time thinking of my son. Started going back to work as phased return as my manager colleagues are very supportive.

we are always here to support you as we all are suffering loosing our beloved ones. take one step at a time, do not rush or make decisions on haste. Deep breathing, plenty of fluids and enough rest, talking pouring your feelings to someone helps you.

write your feelings / emotions, it helps you.

thinking of you in this difficult time 

big hug

Ash xx

 Hi 

I've lost my wife of 57 years two weeks ago ,I can't believe it everyone around me are carrying on as always ,the last words my wife spoke to me was ( what's happening to me ) I don't want to carry on living I can't without her I don't beleave but take me now please and if there is somewhere I'll be there with her no matter what we've seen the world together now let's find out more together it fair she went at home I held her hand but she did not know I was there no pain she sleeper away so peacefully..

Hi Smokeyjoe, 

I noticed the member you're replying to, JD18, hasn't been on the forum in a while and the last comment in this discussion (before yours) was back in March so I just wanted to pop by to let you know that your post has been seen and we are here for you.

I really hope our members will offer their support and advice to you soon but if you feel like you're really struggling then do reach out to your GP for support. I can see Moderator Lucie replied to the post you made on another discussion on the 9th October and included some links to charities and organisations that may be able to help at this time. I'm not sure if you saw her reply but if not I'll include a link to it just here so you can have a look.

I can't even begin to comprehend how difficult this must be for you but I hope knowing that our community understand what you're going through can offer some comfort to you at this time.

Sending all my support and a very big virtual hug your way Smokeyjoe.

Kind regards,

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator