I'm so sorry. I lost my mum to cholangiocarcinoma 11 years ago. It was also a very rapid decline lasting just 7 weeks.

I was in total shock over my mum for a long time. I felt she'd been ripped away from us and she'd been robbed of a part of her life. My daughter was 8 months old and has grown up not knowing how gentle and loving she was.

But ... my mum wasn't in her 30s and she'd had a long marriage. That part is a comfort. I used to find being at work was a help because my job is hectic and it prevented me from thinking about her. But when I was on my own, usually putting my baby to bed, I would cry every night on my own. 

My dad still doesn't/can't stay in the house much. He retired the year after he lost her and he couldn't sleep in the same bed for a long time. He joined a walking club, dancing, sailing, swimming, yoga, went on holidays sometimes by himself, volunteers for things. A few years later, he met someone while out dancing who is a widow. They get on well but he says he will never marry again. That has been his way of coping.

I know an unnerving amount of people who have lost wives, husbands, parents very young or children who have been very young, in some cases with no notice at all. Losing someone so soon and so quickly is the hardest thing any one will ever deal with. You need to talk to someone professional, such as a councillor - even if you don't want to right now, because your situation is particularly tough. I think you also need to have some sort of comfort around you at home. I'm not sure what to suggest ... maybe a close friend, sibling or a parent. Even a dog could offer some comfort. Anything that stops your house from feeling empty. Maybe you could leave your house for a while and stay at your parents', just for comfort, a hug when you need it and not to be by yourself. 

Your grief is going to take a long time to ease. Grief never really goes but you get used to it. I don't know you but I'm thinking of you and I hope you find comfort in someone or something over the next few days. If you want to chat, I'll check in again tomorrow. xxx

Hi I lost my husband 3 weeks today it’s his funeral tomorrow. We would have been married 11 years on 25th August but I’ve known him for 25 years. He was 46 and has left behind our children 8 and 3. He was my absolute world and  my heart is broken forever. He was a fantastic husband, daddy and friend. He was diagnosed on 31 January this year and even though we travelled to London from the midlands for private treatment he could not been saved despite the excellent medical care and options we were given. It was not the cancer as such that killed him but the toxins given off by his tumour which caused his liver to become blocked. He was quite lucky as although he was really unwell in December, January and part of February he got much better and the symptoms subsided which gave us hope for the future. However a course of chemotherapy didn’t work and he was admitted to hospital 4 days into a 12 day program of radiotherapy and died a week later. We are in total shock. I’m glad in one way that the end was quite quick as I was having nightmares about our kids seeing their dad decline over a long period of time if the cancer couldn’t be treated and how this would affect them.  I don’t know how we are going to get through this. This week has been so hard having to finalise funeral arrangements and then today I’m going to see him in the chapel of rest as my 8 year old wants to give daddy some toys, cards and a blanket to keep him warm so I’m going to put them with him in the coffin. The 3 year old is too young to comprehend what has happened but knows his dad isn’t around anymore. I don’t know how we will move on from this but I guess you just have to take each day at a time. I’m sorry for the loss of your wife and can’t imagine as I’m not there yet what the months have been like since she passed away.

Hi

l am so sorry for your loss.

I lost my wife on the 2nd July with metastatic bowel cancer she only lasted 3 weeks from diagnosis till passing with no previous symptoms. I am also lost and don’t want this life anymore but I have 3 children and a 3 day old granddaughter our first grandchild that my wife will never hold so I just go on day by day for them. My wife was 51 and I’m 52 we were together for 30 years and the loneliness and longing is overwhelming.

take care William 

Hi mate my wife died at 33 last July I feel the same as you do I was with her for 18 years and have 3 kids one of the kids she gave birth to a few months before she passed,I’m at a stage naw we’re im just full of anger all the time and yeah can’t believe how cruel The things she had to go through 

My partner of 25 yeas is my best friend and my soul mate.He was my partner in work as well as life.We really had no need for any for friends as such ,He was diagnosed with terminal cancer a year ago and now after various treatment last week they said they could do no more.

He is in a lot of pain and I can understand how you feel .He is 66 and was diagnosed 3 months after we nursed my mum .,for Over a year she died about 3 months before he was diagnosed.

Life is very cruel and not sure where  and how we carry on but I suppose we just do .

All I can say is one day it will be easier although you will never forget.

I still have this to get through ,

Reading this sounds like the is not here now but the peri I know is not .

Hi everyone who has lost a dear loved one to this horrible and selfish disease.My wife of 26 years died on the 3rd April this year to metastatic cancer .We knew from January this of a tumor and she was told it was inoperable and chemo or radiotherapy could be an option so after many visits to different hospitals being told one thing or another we were no further forward.Then one night she vomited and she was admitted to hospital for an operation to unblock her bowels,the next day she rang me to ask to come in early as the doctor needed to see us.Bang! she told us that Andrea my 49 year old princess had 6/8 weeks left and the pancreatic tumour was incurable, she was eventually given a hospice bed she was OK but that was me looking at Andrea who was not OK slowly no! Quickly deteriorated and she passed away 4 weeks later a skeleton from a beautiful young woman.Iam absolutely broken I wasn't there to hold her as she slipped to another life the reason I wasn't there because the hospice had coronavirus restrictions in place, I am a lost soul totally at a loss.

Hi Devondog , I am so sorry for the passing of your wife. It is still such early days for you , it must still be very very raw. I know exactly how you feel. My wife passed away last July. Of melanoma which spread to her brain 

it must be twice as hard for you as you couldn't be with her at the end. As I said I am 9 months on this s,,t journey things do get a little easier, the knot in your stomach gradually goes. The pain in your chest goes away, you eventually start eating again and sleep a bit more. But the loneliness never goes , for me when I do jobs around the house it just seems so pointless as the one person I want isn't there to say well done , let's have a cup of coffee, I dont think I will ever be properly happy again and can see nothing for the future. For me it is not living it's just exsisting from one day to the next. I still cry a lot but not as much as I did in the start 

take care of yourself, sleep and eat when you can. My hart goes out to you. 
Mike. 

Cheers for your kind and very understanding words, Andrea at one point in the hospice appeared OK and I naively thought she's ''getting a little better'' but within days Andrea's health just went downhill, I stayed with her every night and we even had words then because she was so restless and was up going to the toilet even though she had a tube and bag fitted so up she would get dragging along with her the morphine driver and the saline bag and its stand.I would say Andrea just pee as it means you don't have to get up,she would say I like going to the toilet and don't you tell me when I can go and when not, haha.but as the hours went on Andrea didn't recognize me and I had to prompt her as to who I was and where she was.Honestly people I am totally wrecked I am still putting her clothes away,I don't want to create a shrine as that would maybe unwise but for a woman to be told of a certain death timeline is very difficult for me to understand but Andrea accepted this from day one telling me keep the family together and we will see each other again but I found a note in her coat and she admitted she was scared bloody hell my princess my darling wife.When Andrea knew she was terminal people said spend this precious time together go places but time went so quick and Andrea didn't even have the energy to make it out the bedroom. So thanks to all you good people for reading this far and I appreciate any good advice for a man who cries at the least memory of my wife.

Devondog. Losing your other half is so very hard. I lost my twin to breast cancer 21 years ago. We were 35 when she was diagnosed and she died at 40. That was so hard to watch. I lost my beloved husband very suddenly 7 years ago 16 days before our 30th wedding anniversary which totally devastated me. I now have breast cancer and long for the two of them. 

I joined a widow/widower group after my husband died and whilst it’s not for everyone I have found it a blessing. It is ok to cry, I still do, I still talk to them both, as a matter of fact I shout at them.   It is very early days for you and without being trite all you can do is put one foot in front of the other. If you have a bad minute the next one will be better.   If you get stupid comments from people or you feel they are avoiding you because they don’t know what to say ignore them. 

You will never forget her but it will get easier to get through the day and some days the happy memories help.