Hi everyone who has lost a dear loved one to this horrible and selfish disease.My wife of 26 years died on the 3rd April this year to metastatic cancer .We knew from January this of a tumor and she was told it was inoperable and chemo or radiotherapy could be an option so after many visits to different hospitals being told one thing or another we were no further forward.Then one night she vomited and she was admitted to hospital for an operation to unblock her bowels,the next day she rang me to ask to come in early as the doctor needed to see us.Bang! she told us that Andrea my 49 year old princess had 6/8 weeks left and the pancreatic tumour was incurable, she was eventually given a hospice bed she was OK but that was me looking at Andrea who was not OK slowly no! Quickly deteriorated and she passed away 4 weeks later a skeleton from a beautiful young woman.Iam absolutely broken I wasn't there to hold her as she slipped to another life the reason I wasn't there because the hospice had coronavirus restrictions in place, I am a lost soul totally at a loss.

Hi Devondog , I am so sorry for the passing of your wife. It is still such early days for you , it must still be very very raw. I know exactly how you feel. My wife passed away last July. Of melanoma which spread to her brain 

it must be twice as hard for you as you couldn't be with her at the end. As I said I am 9 months on this s,,t journey things do get a little easier, the knot in your stomach gradually goes. The pain in your chest goes away, you eventually start eating again and sleep a bit more. But the loneliness never goes , for me when I do jobs around the house it just seems so pointless as the one person I want isn't there to say well done , let's have a cup of coffee, I dont think I will ever be properly happy again and can see nothing for the future. For me it is not living it's just exsisting from one day to the next. I still cry a lot but not as much as I did in the start 

take care of yourself, sleep and eat when you can. My hart goes out to you. 
Mike. 

Hi Devondog , I am so sorry for the passing of your wife. It is still such early days for you , it must still be very very raw. I know exactly how you feel. My wife passed away last July. Of melanoma which spread to her brain 

it must be twice as hard for you as you couldn't be with her at the end. As I said I am 9 months on this s,,t journey things do get a little easier, the knot in your stomach gradually goes. The pain in your chest goes away, you eventually start eating again and sleep a bit more. But the loneliness never goes , for me when I do jobs around the house it just seems so pointless as the one person I want isn't there to say well done , let's have a cup of coffee, I dont think I will ever be properly happy again and can see nothing for the future. For me it is not living it's just exsisting from one day to the next. I still cry a lot but not as much as I did in the start 

take care of yourself, sleep and eat when you can. My hart goes out to you. 
Mike. 

Cheers for your kind and very understanding words, Andrea at one point in the hospice appeared OK and I naively thought she's ''getting a little better'' but within days Andrea's health just went downhill, I stayed with her every night and we even had words then because she was so restless and was up going to the toilet even though she had a tube and bag fitted so up she would get dragging along with her the morphine driver and the saline bag and its stand.I would say Andrea just pee as it means you don't have to get up,she would say I like going to the toilet and don't you tell me when I can go and when not, haha.but as the hours went on Andrea didn't recognize me and I had to prompt her as to who I was and where she was.Honestly people I am totally wrecked I am still putting her clothes away,I don't want to create a shrine as that would maybe unwise but for a woman to be told of a certain death timeline is very difficult for me to understand but Andrea accepted this from day one telling me keep the family together and we will see each other again but I found a note in her coat and she admitted she was scared bloody hell my princess my darling wife.When Andrea knew she was terminal people said spend this precious time together go places but time went so quick and Andrea didn't even have the energy to make it out the bedroom. So thanks to all you good people for reading this far and I appreciate any good advice for a man who cries at the least memory of my wife.

Devondog. Losing your other half is so very hard. I lost my twin to breast cancer 21 years ago. We were 35 when she was diagnosed and she died at 40. That was so hard to watch. I lost my beloved husband very suddenly 7 years ago 16 days before our 30th wedding anniversary which totally devastated me. I now have breast cancer and long for the two of them. 

I joined a widow/widower group after my husband died and whilst it’s not for everyone I have found it a blessing. It is ok to cry, I still do, I still talk to them both, as a matter of fact I shout at them.   It is very early days for you and without being trite all you can do is put one foot in front of the other. If you have a bad minute the next one will be better.   If you get stupid comments from people or you feel they are avoiding you because they don’t know what to say ignore them. 

You will never forget her but it will get easier to get through the day and some days the happy memories help. 

Hi Jia thanks for replying to my post I dearly hope that your condition is treatable and that you can get back to a more normal life if that's possible .my counseling skills are quite poor at the minute so I absolutely apologize if I'm making a dogs dinner of saying what I've said.What is this widows group that you mentioned did you join or know anyone who has and what did it give them.It's Andreas funeral on the 20th this month and she's only allowed ten people to attend,I've planned when I will return to work that's if my loss of Andrea has somehow gotten a little easier,but the environment I work is very demanding and minute by minute stress at times so I will judge that return later.I'm dreading the funeral day as I'm totally wrecked and broken.

Thanks Devondog. The widows/widowers group is split into 2. For under 50s it’s called WAY www.widowedandyoung.org.uk/.../

i joined about 12 months after my hubby died. It is both online suppprt and there are meet-ups. I’m on the older group and we have monthly lunches, go the theatre and go on holidays, find decent pubs. It isn’t a stuffy group!  we also have our WhatsApp chat too.  

We all get support from each other as no matter how far along you are there is always someone who knows what you are going through and can relate and more importantly will listen.  Plus you can be open and honest with them rather than thinking you are worrying your family and friends. As as I said it’s not for everyone but worth a go. 

The funeral will be awful and of course you will be heartbroken but you will get throughout it minute by minute and you will have those closest to you supporting you  

Hello again I've been back to the hospice to collect Andrea's personal things my daughter wanted her mother's dressing gown but it is upsetting going through Andrea's things they have even put her pyjamas in that have vomit on and the smell immediately came back of when she was constantly vomiting all of this brown,black horrible liquid, even when Andrea was resting there was a rattling sound as if she couldn't clear her throat but it was the cancer not allowing her to pass anything from her bowels naturally The nurses assured me that she was not alone or in pain when she passed away.I'd rang that evening at 19.00 hrs to ask how she is doing and they told me that Andrea hadn't woken that day.We had face timed her with the help of the nurses but the image of Andrea lying there was horrible in the sense that the woman lying there was just a frame of the lovely bouncy tom boy of a woman I love .At 19.40 I heard the phone ring and I knew it was the call I didn't want.Thanks for all advice and help.Love to everyone who has gone or going through this horrible vicious selfish condition that unfortunately we know as cancer.

My brother in law lost hhoa wife last week tto breast cancer, she was diagnosed latte January abdd fought very bravely too the end.

She is survived but 3 young. Children age 8,  6 and her baby son turn turned 1in may past.

She died at home.  Sitting up in bed the previous week, able to eat and drink.

To spiralling down hill very quickly. 

Eventually in alot of pain, being sedated and slipping away with all her family present. 

Luckily we were able too have a beautiful service at home, which she would have loved. 

We just don't know where to go from here, any advice would be deeply deeply appreciated. 

Many Thanks