Hey mate i blub all the time ime not ashamed if you dont you would burst its a natural reaction so grief and you have had double .it just comes anytime but i do feel slightly better im 6foot2  16 stone and was in the construction game and ive seen the toughest of guys break down for less .its the  mr loneliness thats worst when you loose your love u just have to find ways to stop him visiting and you have made the first step of coming on here so keep it up .regards paul

Thanks for the support Paul, and yes I think the old “ Men don’t cry “ saying has long gone. Tony

I lost liz on 29th april its agony ive cried pleaded but i go out it is awful but i know liz would not want me to spend years grieving she was my life i put her first with everything ive been through the guilt because a couldnt save her . But i thought ime not going to be a victim of this horrible evil disease sounds like you did everything you could  . So if you haven't try some bereivment counciling at least. Anything to keep you going if i had been in lizs place i would not want her to be in agony and i like you would have gladly taken there places. Regards paul

Paul I’m sorry to read that, because I do know that pain and I have had bereavement counciling but I had to walk past the room my wife died in, so I stopped going, but at one stage she begged me to smother her with the pillow. Although I couldn’t show it that destroyed me,and when I got home I hit the bottle. But it’s not so much that it was the way her family treated me, as if I was some kind of outsider.

Hi Edward,

I was at sea from 1977 to 1992 and I've seen the hardest of hard men break down in tears for far less. We never weep for ourselves, but for those we love but can't help - our wives, our children, our parents, our brothers and sisters - it's the frustration of not being able to make it better that really hurts. We'd all willingly swap places if we thought it would help them.

My son's severe autism, my wife's almost fatal brain haemmorhage, my Mam's cancer and her subsequent death all had more of an impact on me psychologically than my cancer - which I own and can fight or ignore on my own terms. We all have similar issues in our lives, but hardly anyone talks about how it makes us feel.

Time doesn't heal, but we do eventually come to terms with our losses. 12 months is such a short time to grieve. As a society we seem to be in denial about death and grief with everyone seemingly expected to be bright and cheerful after just a few weeks. Utter cr@p - it takes years to come to terms with such a loss and even then we only learn to live with it and we never really get over it. 

Sorry if this sounds heavy - but it is a heavy subject and I feel strongly about it. Hang on in there and never give up hope - it will eventually hurt less. 

Best wishes and good luck

Dave 

Right i had same liz and i couldnt mary because she would lose her big pension and at our age it didnt matter i was her next of kin while she was in hospital as she had a number of diffrent conditions so she was in hospital for months at various times and nearly died two years ago from massive blead in her stomach .but when she died i was no rights not even to put anything in her eulagy at the funeral . But she said to me i dont want to die and i had to say dont worry sweetie you will be ok knowing full well she would.ime not a dr but perhaps you may be suffering from post traumatic stress disorder perhaps a trip to gps might help ime only trying to make suggestions .to try and help what about bereavment group . 

Hi Davek glad to hear from another sailor, so you can understand how I feel at the moment, it’s just like a cork in a vast ocean, my wife was my whole life and best friend and we were always together, but as I mentioned in an earlier post the people I thought were close to us ( including family ) seemed like the first rat’s to leave the sinking ship..

Yes if you read through a few posts families and friends can just disapeare disapeare and that is painful i had same it realy hurts .they think after a few months theres t saying everyone knows how to deal with grief till they have to go through it themselves quote from Shakespear that but very true .p

Thank you Katie I do appreciate that and I would love to chat to you, but things are still very sore with me, I would love to explain what my mother in law and my own son have done to me, but I’m not sure I can believe it myself, but thank you so much for your offer of help...