Hi everyone

My dad died in May 2019 of lung cancer.i really cant get over losing him .I left work to mind him as he had a stroke.he bounced back for a while but the cancer spread so bad.

The image of him dying in hospital haunts me every day.he told me if he had a gun he would shoot himself.

He starved to death couldn't swallow.couldnt cough up phlegm.he gasped for breath right up until the end.

Then fell into a coma.

What make it worse is my mam has dementia.

She asks for him.i lie.say hes at home.

I'm broken.i have kids of my own.but I never can get over death of my dad and the pain he suffered.

My mum suffered with cancer so I know how you feel. But maybe harder to see the more suffering with the starvation for you xx  if you can why don't you look at it like it was how his body had to expire the body could be squished ran over, could have heart failure could suffer with cancer it needs to expire somehow. What doesn't expire is his lovely soul, your fathers spirit lives on the person he was. When you get the awful flashbacks just logically think ok it was his sickness shutting body down which has to happen to everyone in some format. But always remember it's not him as the person take comfort from that. I hope you are ok xxxx im

struggling missing my mum and believing it in general but I have a young son to care for and try and be happy for it's it's very hard xxx

My dad passed away 2017 but cant sleep ,all night thinking about dad.bcause i was not able to see him last time ,only talk with him on phone 2 days before he left me ,he got injection but there is infectuon and poison spread in his body i feel dad knows everything so dad discussed some important things to me before 2 days ..but i need to talk to him .i need my dady back or anyway he can talk to me 

Hello Sarah,  I feel exactly the same way that you do. I lost my dad 4 weeks ago and I am absolutely devastated . Still very raw for me and I am really struggling . He had cancer for a few years but it still came as a shock when he passed away . I am going to view him tomorrow and I know that it will upset me but I Just have to see him one last time. My sister can't understand why I would want to put myself through that but I need to say goodbye one last time. I hope that your pain starts to ease a bit very soon 

My dad died of oesophageal cancer in 2003, he was an amazing and funny human and has left a massive void.. still to this day!! for others out there who have lost anyone to cancer... talk!! Talk about it, to your friends, your siblings... we havnt talked much 17 years later, I guess we don't want to upset each other nor my mother, I have realised this only lately, 17 years later and I still suffer because of not talking, we zoned in on looking after my mum...  I'm here to lend an ear and to talk about my dad also ️

Hello and thank you for your message, I lost my dad to kidney cancer but he had other complications too. He ended up with a bad chest infection which turned into broncopneumonia and I think it was that that finished him off. So sorry to hear of your loss,  at least you still have your mum with you. I've lost both my parents now to cancer  and miss them terribly .

My dad died at the beginning of January this year of prostate and bone cancer. he had been diagnosed seven years ago but did not tell me. I dont know whether this was a good decision or not,  my mother never went against his wish for me not to know. I suppose in some ways I have been very lucky insomuch that seven years ago I moved back to the area were they live and therefore saw them regularly. He showed no signs of his illness until August of last year when he had a slight fall, and although not hurt, was taken to hospital as a precaution. From then until the day he died he was in good health and apart from slight difficulty in getting around, he was mentally fit and well. One Saturday he felt unwell and an ambulance was called, on the Sunday he went into a hospice and on the Monday morning he died. I am extremely lucky that both my mother and I were there at the end and he went so peacefully, however the shock was profound. I have days of immense sadness that comes over in waves for no apparent reason. I have not discussed his death and this is the first time that I have run through it. I hope this rambling makes sense to somebody out there.

I lost my Dad in July 2020. He was diagnosed with prostate prostate to bone in March 2020 and was given hormone injections, I don't think he responded to it or it was too late but less than a year ago he was told no prostate cancer, was it an aggressive type?? 
he had other health issues but I think the mets on his back started to cause issues, he became agitated and confused and I too like others on here can't get it off my mind. You all describe the same grief as me which does help a bit.

its just awful.