Hi Sarah, 

I'm really sorry to read that your dad passed away three months and would like to offer you my sincerest condolences for your loss.

Night time always seems to be the worst time of day for bad thoughts and memories to rear their head, but I just want to assure you that you are not alone. Many of our members have had very similar experiences when working through their grief and now that I've replied I'm sure some of them will be along soon to offer their support and advice.

The forum is open 24 hours a day so do come and chat to us when times get tough as our community will do all they can to help you at this difficult time in your life.

Kind regards, 

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi everyone

My dad died in May 2019 of lung cancer.i really cant get over losing him .I left work to mind him as he had a stroke.he bounced back for a while but the cancer spread so bad.

The image of him dying in hospital haunts me every day.he told me if he had a gun he would shoot himself.

He starved to death couldn't swallow.couldnt cough up phlegm.he gasped for breath right up until the end.

Then fell into a coma.

What make it worse is my mam has dementia.

She asks for him.i lie.say hes at home.

I'm broken.i have kids of my own.but I never can get over death of my dad and the pain he suffered.

My mum suffered with cancer so I know how you feel. But maybe harder to see the more suffering with the starvation for you xx  if you can why don't you look at it like it was how his body had to expire the body could be squished ran over, could have heart failure could suffer with cancer it needs to expire somehow. What doesn't expire is his lovely soul, your fathers spirit lives on the person he was. When you get the awful flashbacks just logically think ok it was his sickness shutting body down which has to happen to everyone in some format. But always remember it's not him as the person take comfort from that. I hope you are ok xxxx im

struggling missing my mum and believing it in general but I have a young son to care for and try and be happy for it's it's very hard xxx

My mum suffered with cancer so I know how you feel. But maybe harder to see the more suffering with the starvation for you xx  if you can why don't you look at it like it was how his body had to expire the body could be squished ran over, could have heart failure could suffer with cancer it needs to expire somehow. What doesn't expire is his lovely soul, your fathers spirit lives on the person he was. When you get the awful flashbacks just logically think ok it was his sickness shutting body down which has to happen to everyone in some format. But always remember it's not him as the person take comfort from that. I hope you are ok xxxx im

struggling missing my mum and believing it in general but I have a young son to care for and try and be happy for it's it's very hard xxx