Hi there ... Sadly there's no time limit on grief ... Everyone is different and there's no right or wrong way .. loosing a mum, I think is the second hardest thing that happens in life , second only to loosing a child ..

I think for me the first year was like raw grief ... It's just getting through one day at a time ... And every feeling your having is part of loosing someone we were blessed to have had in our lives ... 

The pain does grow less, slowly ... But you never stop missing them ... I still have a feeling when I pass my mum's old house that if I go there she will still be in her kitchen cooking me crispy chips ... And my mum's been gone 29 years ago ... 

But remember your mum now lives in your heart ... You are her, she made you ... So be kind to your self, and know your brain is trying to make sense of everything that you've gone through ... It just takes time ...and know lots of us have walked this path your on ... We know how it feels ... So sending you a vertual hug ... Chrissie x

Thank you Chrissie that was very well said. I do need to be kinder to myself, especially thinking that I'm all I have left of her, really. 29 years and still feeling like you could just pop over for food...wow...I guess this is really going to be a life long feeling. We become changed as people when we lose parents, don't we?

Hi Chrissie. Wow, thanks so much for those wonderful words of support. What great ideas. The first few days after she passed and I was bawling my eyes out before bed, this strange sudden calmness came over me, like she was hugging me (even though we weren't a touchy feely family). It made me feel like she was there saying "there there...don't cry". I think you are right, sometimes it really does feel like they are there with us. 

I oddly enough do suddenly feel the desire to do some charity work. It's the weirdest thing. I think you are right, the need to help others does seem to come from knowing first hand what that pain is and feeling and wanting to help make it easier for someone if you can.

I know she wouldn't want me moping around and crying. I really do feel the need to make her proud and live on her memory. 

As Chrissie has said, everyone's grieving process is different.  I was knocked over sideways when my Dad died; he'd been ill for a long time but even so the going was sudden and unexpected. I took a long time to recover. My Mum had very bad Alzheimer's and was in a home, so her passing was more of a relief, initially at least.  Then a few weeks later it hit me BLAM, and I couldn't stop crying. 

So, what you're going through is normal.  I know it's no consolation right now, but you will get through this and come to terms with the situation, but no one can predict how long that will take. 

You might find it useful to write a final letter to your mum. Put in it everything you meant to say but never got round to saying while she was still alive.  When the letter is finished, obviously you can't post it, so either burn it, or put it in a safe place where you might find it again in 10 years time.