Is your gran still around or an aunt maybe?

Hello there Freesia97.  I don't think the dress is the real problem; you are probably realising that the absence of your mum at your big day is a sad omission.  In my (admittedly limited) experience friends have not taken their mums to buy their wedding dress; it is often a friend - a task I have been pleased to go along with for several friends (in earlier years).  Have you got any photos of your mum on her own wedding day?  Maybe while not completely copying the dress you would feel happier if your dress had some connection in its design.  Could you ask your dad if there are no photos around (would he have any idea?)  Do any of your videos show what kind of dress she preferred; simple, flowing or whatever.  Just a thought.  Best wishes.  Annie

Hi there,

Weddings unfortunately can be stressful to arrange. I remember having our first serious arguement, over who should arrange the flowers. Honestly, four years with my chappie with barely a cross word until then. Mad!

I'd suggest giving yourself a break from dress hunting. There's ages yet. Plus I didn't find The One, I found a nice enough one, which was a minor part of the day. The One that mattered was my man, who I'm still married to 35 years on. That's what counts.

I'm not sure this is really about your mum, though I can understand why you may think that. Yes, there will be times you miss her presence. You have a support network, a wonderful fiance, and plenty of time to get your head around what to wear. I'm sure your fiance would marry you in your pyjamas if that's what you chose to do. 

Please try not to fret, everything will work out;

Regards, gamechanger

Hi Freesia

I may as well put my pennyworth in here.

I think whoever told you that brides are meant to know IT'S THE ONE, may have been romantisising a little.  The only one you have to be sure of is him.  You are stressing too much over something that may be an illusion and after all is just one element of a memorable day.  Choose one you love and feel comfortable in, you will always be a wonderful sight for your new husband.

Best of luck in your search

David

Thanks everyone for your comments. Having re-read this post, I do feel it came across a lot more self centerend than I had intended! I know this forum isn't for wedding jitters, and I believe I didn't focus on the main reason why I came to this site.

I've always found it hard to express myself about my mum and her death, but I had hoped it would be easier to write my feelings down rather than speak them aloud. 

I guess I just hadn't imagined how much of an inpact her death would still have on me even 21 years on. 

Sorry Freesia for not understanding the real reason for your post..  It was easier to talk about wedding dresses than grief.  Time is not always the great healer and your wedding, something to share with mum, has brought her death to the fore.

There is a section here, coping with grief, you should search for. I am unable to insert a link on my phone but if you have difficulty finding it, ask .

http://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/coping/dying-with-cancer/after-someone-dies/coping-with-grief?_ga=2.94596953.410984373.1526623743-90352285.1523023154

My belated condolences,

David