Dear Children 2

My husband passed away on 12 April this  year and i too feel i have nothing to look forward to, we use to have fantastic holidays together, i never wanted any girl holidays because i always had the best time wtih my best friend, my hubby.  He did everything for me, he was so kind for 29 years, he loved me loads and always took care of me and was so thoughtful, i feel like my life has ended, but somehow we have to get out there and make a life for ourselves, as hard as it is....step by step.....i am in work crying as i type this but we have to believe life goes on....even if we dont want it to...and everyone elses life around us goes on whilst were living this nightmare.

Hi angelpink,

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss and totally understand how you are feeling. I lost my wonderful Husband Pete to lung cancer on 6th March this year, he was 52, diagnosed Jan 2017, fit and healthly before then. He passed away while I was attending my Brothers funeral who passed away suddenly on holiday between Christmas and New Year, so I wasn't even able to be with him at the end, something I'll never get over. Thankfully he wasn't alone I left him in the care of family. I wasn't going to go to the funeral but everyone, even the hospital staff, told me he would be there when I got back. he wasn't in immediate danager. Most people say he didn't want me there otherwise he would have waited, I so hope that's the case and he didn't think I abandoned him.

The feeling of loss and missing Pete is so immense, we were each others world, had everything going for us and had so many plans for the future. In May this year we would have been married for 20 years and this is also my 50th year, we have some wonderful things planned to celebrate these milestones. I never expected to be alone at this stage in my life.

Although I have amazing support in family and friends, who I am able to be very open with, my life too feels so empty. There are days when I feel I can't do this life without Pete or don't want to, like you say without your love there is no purpose (Don't worry I'm not about to do anything stupid, he would never forgive me if I did that). Just normal everyday things can be so hard and the emotion comes over when you least expect it. Shopping and cooking for just one person makes me so sad, the first time I went to the supermarket just for me I couldn't wait to get out. Seeing other couples makes me jealous at times as I want that back. Coming home to an empty house (there is just me and the 2 cats now) is so hard. Who do I have to holiday with now, the list goes on. I cry numerous times a day in private and public, I just can't hold it in, I cried all the way through the meeting at the bank the other week when I eventually had to take Pete's name off our account. I'm crying my eyes out writing this but I have to say it really does do you good to let it go whenever you have to. 

A friend who has recently been through losing her Husband also told me to not be afraid to ask for help from family and friends that are close to me, although it's a very hard thing for me to do, there are times when I have to as the pain and emotion is just too much to deal with alone. Even the times you do have some happy moments with friends and family our love ones are always on our minds and those close to us know that behind that smile we are putting on is a broken heart. Some people have suggested Cruse Breavement, I'm not sure it's for me but will consider it. I do find coming on here and being able to talk with people who are going through the same does help.

I don't expect pain of losing Pete and how much I miss him to ever go away totally, in fact I find it's getting worse at the moment than better, there are so many "big sigh" days, however I'm slowly getting on with life, albeit I don't want to do it alone, but I hope he would be proud me. I talk to him all the time, I tell him every day how much I love and miss him. People tell me I'm doing amazing, I actually don't want to be amazing.

My heart really does go out to you and whenever you want to talk I'm here. If you have some people who you are close to, use them, they will want to help you through this ever so tough time.

Sending you lots of love

Lisa xx

Hi Lisa

I too live alone, with a cat, I hate coming home to empty house, dreading the winter months. I also struggled going shopping for one person as my husband did the shopping and cooked all my meals including my lunches for work.

It's the worst feeling in the world, loneliness , again holidays , we had fantastic holidays and he looked after me, I will never have holidays like that again.

It's so hard being alone, all of a sudden doing everything by yourself after 29 years.

I hope we will get there in the end , love Kirsty x

Hi Kirsty

I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your Husband, my heart really goes out to you. The feeling of not having our love ones here and knowing they never will be again is so hard. I don't think I'll ever stop missing my Husband, he was my world.

I don't believe that time is a healer, I just think over time we will adjust to the new life that has been forced on us.

Thinking of you and sending my love

Lisa xx

My partner died of lung cancer in October he was 49. I know how you are feeling it's like you are living each day but not really living. I agree you feel so alone and miss them so much it hurts ,so I can understand what you are going through