I thought I was doing ok, but it finally hit me yesterday after weeks of numbness, feeling like a zombie...

My dear Mum was diagnosed with lung cancer in November 2016 and passed away in October 2017. Her cancer has spread to her brain, and seeing her gradually lose her abilities until she could no longer walk, talk or eat was heartbreaking. She never complained once. 

I miss calling her to have a chat. I miss her laughter and our silly jokes. She has left such a gap in my life, in my children's life. Christmas went ok, we went through it. My husband is such a rock.

I think I was in denial. I have been so angry as well. Bitter even, which I hate. I don't like chit chat anymore. Losing someone is so isolating. Friends avoiding you as they don't know what to say. 

I feel totally lost and so lonely, even when I have people around me. It's true what they say, that you have to go through it to understand.