Another one of those nights where I’m lien in bed at 3:30 in the morning crying myself to sleep as the reality just hits me out of nowhere that your gone mummy, I start to ask the unanswerable questions, how did you get cancer? Why did it have to me you? You just retired after 25+ years working for your family,  you and daddy planned to live a long happy retirement? And why did you have to die? I try to think back to where it all went wrong and I can’t, it was all good until the day you were told you had cancer. The 6th of Febuary 2016 this was the day we were told for sure but I could feel it, I already knew so did you. I remember you crying to the doctor saying you knew there was something wrong during my throat appointment and he knew to we could see it in his eyes he told

me I was going to have to be there for you, but he wasn’t allowed to say, we didn’t know how much this would affect us all as a family, 2 years 2 months and 18 days to be exact the 6th of September 2016 , the day you were taken from us your amazing smile, you had the voice of an angle everything about you was perfect. You done everything and more for us and we never got to repay you,  I couldn’t wait to the day you seen me get married or seen my children and it kills me to think I have to enjoy these experiences without you. There’s days I’m fine and have a really good day and I think I’m getting on ok today, I’m coping but then you have the bad days, these are the days you can’t get up in the morning because it’s another day without you, cry into your pillow so nobody can hear you and find yourself staring into nothing when really your trying to remember the good times and trying to remember your voice because sometimes I start to panic and think I might forget, I have a recording of your voicemail I listen to every day at least once and it’s scary to think that my life is moving on without you.

 My mummy was my world, I would do anything to have her back, one last visit would be enough because I would hug you that much I would never let go, go hug your mummy tell her you love her and spend time with her, she is precious. I would do anything in this whole world to have mine back. 

And for those who think it gets easier, it doesn’t it never goes away, you just find a new normal which is pretty damn hard.

Another one of those nights where I’m lien in bed at 3:30 in the morning crying myself to sleep as the reality just hits me out of nowhere that your gone mummy, I start to ask the unanswerable questions, how did you get cancer? Why did it have to me you? You just retired after 25+ years working for your family,  you and daddy planned to live a long happy retirement? And why did you have to die? I try to think back to where it all went wrong and I can’t, it was all good until the day you were told you had cancer. The 6th of Febuary 2016 this was the day we were told for sure but I could feel it, I already knew so did you. I remember you crying to the doctor saying you knew there was something wrong during my throat appointment and he knew to we could see it in his eyes he told

me I was going to have to be there for you, but he wasn’t allowed to say, we didn’t know how much this would affect us all as a family, 2 years 2 months and 18 days to be exact the 6th of September 2016 , the day you were taken from us your amazing smile, you had the voice of an angle everything about you was perfect. You done everything and more for us and we never got to repay you,  I couldn’t wait to the day you seen me get married or seen my children and it kills me to think I have to enjoy these experiences without you. There’s days I’m fine and have a really good day and I think I’m getting on ok today, I’m coping but then you have the bad days, these are the days you can’t get up in the morning because it’s another day without you, cry into your pillow so nobody can hear you and find yourself staring into nothing when really your trying to remember the good times and trying to remember your voice because sometimes I start to panic and think I might forget, I have a recording of your voicemail I listen to every day at least once and it’s scary to think that my life is moving on without you.

 My mummy was my world, I would do anything to have her back, one last visit would be enough because I would hug you that much I would never let go, go hug your mummy tell her you love her and spend time with her, she is precious. I would do anything in this whole world to have mine back. 

And for those who think it gets easier, it doesn’t it never goes away, you just find a new normal which is pretty damn hard.