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My mum has passed. How can she be gone?

jess44637
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My beautiful mum passed away today.

Excuse my french but what the ***.

I don't understand what we are all doing here. I feel empty and numb and I hate all of this. 

How can she be gone? I don't believe in there being a god or any of that, and if he does exist he is a ***. I just find it so hard to comprehend that she is gone. What does gone mean? We saw her body and it was cold but she wasn't there. Where did she go? Is she watching down on us? I just don't understand how someone can just stop existing. 

I hope she is somewhere in the universe, able to watch down on us. I just wish I could tell her how much I love her. 

I hate that any of us have to go through this. I hate cancer.

She was only 48, and I'm 18 supposed to start uni next year. It feels like such a lonely journey now. A life without mum, without people who understand. My life ahead seems so tedious and long now, to be spent without her. And my dad, and my brother, who is only 16, they don't deserve this. No one does. I don't know how we are going to get through this. I feel so lonely. My heart is broken. She needed to be here for us. Dad said her biggest fear was leaving my brother and I. Why did she have to go? 

I uploaded a photo of her and I as my profile picture.. I wish she could smile and be happy like that again.

 

Mum, I love you so so so much. You are in my heart forever, and I will miss you until the day I die. I hope in another world I will get to see you again and we can be together forever. I want to hold on to you so tight and never let you go, but you are gone now. I miss you, I love you, my heart is broken for you. Maybe in an alternate reality none of this happened and you are alive, and we are happy and unbroken xxx 

 

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    Hi Jess, your post brought a tear to my eye as everything you said rings true for me too. I lost my beautiful mum to Secondary Breast Cancer in Feb this year only 3 weeks after diagnosis (prior to that we were doing Step & Body Pump Classes, shopping and eating out) Like you my heart is utterly broken, I have thought many times what’s the point but know my mum would be so disappointed in me if I did anything silly, I just try to get through each day and continue to make her proud. I am so sorry you have had to go through this to, I just think our mums were to amazing for this world and have been taken somewhere better and they will be there when it’s our turn. I’m 26 so a little older than you and my mum was/is (I like to use the present tense) 56 so still very young. There are no amazing word of wisdom I can give you as it’s a terrible situation, there’s no taking away from that. Remember the good times and how lucky you was to have an amazing mum for 18 years (some people are not close to their mums like we are and will never have had that amazing relationship we did/do. Try to take each day at a time and make your mum proud, she’s watching xx

  • Offline in reply to alera90

    So, so unfair. I hope you are going okay.

    It's just so frustrating, I'm starting uni next year and she should be there for me. WHen we found out, she'd tell me she wished she could be there to pick me up some days and we could go out for coffee together.. and she won't be here for so many milestones, and not even milestones, she just won't be here at all. I wish I could spoil her so much, I wish I had the years to do that with her. 

     

    Thank you for your words x

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  • Offline in reply to alera90

    So, so unfair. I hope you are going okay.

    It's just so frustrating, I'm starting uni next year and she should be there for me. WHen we found out, she'd tell me she wished she could be there to pick me up some days and we could go out for coffee together.. and she won't be here for so many milestones, and not even milestones, she just won't be here at all. I wish I could spoil her so much, I wish I had the years to do that with her. 

     

    Thank you for your words x

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