Welcome to the forum, jess44637.

I'm so very sorry to hear about your mum. On behalf of everyone here at Cancer Chat, I offer you our sincere condolences.

There isn't much I can say that will ease the pain you are feeling but I just wanted to you know that we are here for you whenever you need someone to listen.

Thinking of you and your family at this difficult time.

Warm wishes,

Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hello jess.  So sorry you have lost your mum so young.  I hope writing your post helped you with your feelings - you have written so clearly about them I could almost feel your frustrations and worries.  I don't know where we go but I remember wondering the same things when my mum and then my dad died (I am considerably older than you).  I still wonder about life and death but it  may be best - in the long run - that we don't actually know although many people do of course have firm beliefs.  I think it is beyond our human imagining and probably better that way.  You lost your mum so early - I was a little bit older when my own mum died of cancer - that it doesn't seem fair.  Even though we know that it is likely that our parents are going to die before us this really seems too young but whether you go for religion (I know you don't) or perhaps faults in our evolution the fact remains that it is incredibly painful and leaves us feeling we should have said this, done this etc.  But your mum is still in your heart and you can imagine talking with her and what she might say.  Take time to talk with your family and my best wishes to you all.

So sorry for your loss Jess. I am asking many of the same questions and having many of the same thoughts following the loss of my Dad. I wish we could have the answers and understand. This is so painful. Sending best wishes xxxx

I am so sad to have read this, I know exactly how you feel. My mum was taken just a few weeks ago and it is the worst thing especially so young- I don't know how I will go through life without my mum and those phone calls and all her advice. 

I have so so many questions too like can she hear me / see me and is she ok. We have to hope our mums can still watch over us. I talk to mine everyday but I miss her replies so so much. 

We are taking things hour by hour and day by day and spending time together. Christmas is so so hard- you don't need to do it this year. Whatever feels right for you guys. We are doing an alternative thing because it's too painful otherwise. 

My heart goes out to you- trust that she is there with you. I've had a few moments of feeling someone next to me and I feel like it's her which might seem weird but perhaps you might have the same. 

Sending love and strength your way- remember take things hour by hour xxx

Hi Jess, your post brought a tear to my eye as everything you said rings true for me too. I lost my beautiful mum to Secondary Breast Cancer in Feb this year only 3 weeks after diagnosis (prior to that we were doing Step & Body Pump Classes, shopping and eating out) Like you my heart is utterly broken, I have thought many times what’s the point but know my mum would be so disappointed in me if I did anything silly, I just try to get through each day and continue to make her proud. I am so sorry you have had to go through this to, I just think our mums were to amazing for this world and have been taken somewhere better and they will be there when it’s our turn. I’m 26 so a little older than you and my mum was/is (I like to use the present tense) 56 so still very young. There are no amazing word of wisdom I can give you as it’s a terrible situation, there’s no taking away from that. Remember the good times and how lucky you was to have an amazing mum for 18 years (some people are not close to their mums like we are and will never have had that amazing relationship we did/do. Try to take each day at a time and make your mum proud, she’s watching xx

Hi Jess,

I'm so sorry about your mum. I know how you feel - I hate cancer too. Before my mum's diagnosis I'm ashamed to say I hadn't given much thought to cancer. It was something that happened to someone else and although it was a terrible disease, it had never affected me. Then my mum was diagnosed with leukaemia. She lived for three weeks after that diagnosis and like you said all of a sudden we were looking at her body but she wasn't there anymore. I like to think she knows what's happening in my life now and is with me and sometimes when I speak to her in my head I can almost hear a reply. 

I know a lot of people with mums who they aren't close to or mums who don't make much effort and I feel lucky that I had such an amazing mum who was interested in my life and did everything to support me. If she wasn't such an amazing mum I wouldn't miss her so much. 

It sounds like you had an amazing mum too. 

I hope you're doing ok. 

There are so many people missing their mums - it is 33 years since my mum died and I still miss her.  She was always loving towards me even when I had done something stupid (nothing major, just the silly things we do sometimes).  After she died I had a little ceremony which made me feel closer to her.  Beside a plant which was dedicated to her (nothing too difficult to look after) on her birth date and at other significant times I would light a candle beside it and send a message - sometimes in speech, other times in writing and I would set fire to the paper so the flames could carry it up to her, sometimes just in thought.  I no longer do this but at the time it was a good thing to do.   I don't know if anybody else would be helped by some sort of small ceremony but just thought I would mention it.

It does help to write things down, I've always written things down in a diary. Funny, I know my mum used to read my entries, when most of my entries were about boys (if only my worries were as petty as that these days...). 

Thank you for your words. I still can't even comprehend all of this. Sometimes I just pretend she is in the other room. She isn't though, and it sucks. 

Thank you x Just wish cancer didn't exist.

I don't know how I will go on without my mum either. I can't help thinking how things should be. And my poor dad as well, it's just so unfair. I feel like we are all so lonely now. I know the pain will ease and we will learn to live without her, but that isn't the way it should be. Even writing this down, I can't believe she isn't here.

So sorry about you losing your mum also, I just hope we will see them again one day x