Hello jess.  So sorry you have lost your mum so young.  I hope writing your post helped you with your feelings - you have written so clearly about them I could almost feel your frustrations and worries.  I don't know where we go but I remember wondering the same things when my mum and then my dad died (I am considerably older than you).  I still wonder about life and death but it  may be best - in the long run - that we don't actually know although many people do of course have firm beliefs.  I think it is beyond our human imagining and probably better that way.  You lost your mum so early - I was a little bit older when my own mum died of cancer - that it doesn't seem fair.  Even though we know that it is likely that our parents are going to die before us this really seems too young but whether you go for religion (I know you don't) or perhaps faults in our evolution the fact remains that it is incredibly painful and leaves us feeling we should have said this, done this etc.  But your mum is still in your heart and you can imagine talking with her and what she might say.  Take time to talk with your family and my best wishes to you all.

It does help to write things down, I've always written things down in a diary. Funny, I know my mum used to read my entries, when most of my entries were about boys (if only my worries were as petty as that these days...). 

Thank you for your words. I still can't even comprehend all of this. Sometimes I just pretend she is in the other room. She isn't though, and it sucks. 

It does help to write things down, I've always written things down in a diary. Funny, I know my mum used to read my entries, when most of my entries were about boys (if only my worries were as petty as that these days...). 

Thank you for your words. I still can't even comprehend all of this. Sometimes I just pretend she is in the other room. She isn't though, and it sucks.