Hello there .... I know how your feeling as my mum was my best bud ... my boys adored her ... she went everywhere with us ... she went suddenly with a heart attach... my heart ached but no tears ... I missed her with all my heart but no tears ... I went to her funeral , watched every one cry , still no tears ..then 2years later , went to my uncles funeral who I knew but not close ... I cryed like a baby, and realised it wasn’t for him , it was for my mum ... 

i think I felt o.k in the early stage as we were so close , she was holding me up, saying I’m not there , I’m standing right here by you ... maybe your mums there right beside you and holding you up too .. you loved each other so much ... she’s seeing you through this time , bless ya ... 

live felt her around us over the years and I’m sure she was looking over my two lads, when they had motor bike accidents a few years apart ... my oldest had a kiss mark on his forehead in the colour she used to wear ... nothing could have made that mark as it was under his padded helmet... she couldn’t stop him having an accident, but he got through it ... was it chance, or mum ... I’d like to think it’s the latter... so I carry on in the hope that I want her to be proud and look up and tell her what’s going on and think just maybe , she still hears me ...

so don’t feel guilty about how you feel ... there’s no wrong or right way ... we just miss them ... I sometimes have a few tears esp when “l just called to say l love you” comes on the radio, as she always sang that down the phone ... so hold on in there, go with your heart and trust in yourself... big hug Chrisie xx

Hi,

There's an old Lancashire saying along the lines of "them that grieves loudest grieves shortest". I didn't really understand it till my Mum died but then I noticed that people who hardly knew her were sobbing their hearts out at her funeral but her close family (including me) were outwardly less emotional with no melodramatic shows of public emotion. 

There is no right or wrong way to grieve - we all do this in our own way. It is unfair of anyone to impose the way they think we should behave onto others. I'm sure Priness Diana's family were far more affected than all the complete strangers crying their eyes out watching her funeral, but they held their grief to themselves and were dignified and controlled because it ran deep, was heartfelt and real grief often leaves us emotionally numb which is our mind's way of keeping us sane in times of great distress.

Give yourself time :-)

Best wishes
Dave

Hi there, 

Im so so sorry to hear about your mum and grandma. My mum passed away nearly a month ago now due to bowel cancer and im still in disbelief. You are completely normal. We all feel them feelings though, I certainly still have that. I wrote a blog post a few days ago as I find it easier to write things down than say out loud to someone. If youre up for it, id love for you to give it a read? I wrote it to help myself but also to help others going through the grieving process. 

lifeofgeeblog.wordpress.com/.../ 

If you ever need a chat im here to talk x 

Thank you so much for replying to me, I have came back onto the site tonight after having a tough week.  Reading your reply has really helped me, thank you!  I think you are so right they definitely must hold us up and I believe they are watching us! I suppose in some way they guide us even though they can’t tell us how to do it anymore. Xx

Dave I totally relate to that saying, it makes complete sense, I had never heard it before now. Thank you x

Georgina your blog is so good! It really makes sense seeing it written down, and for me it’s exactly how I would describe it all! I suppose I just felt everyone else seemed to cry so much but I didn’t, but I hate to show too much emotion anyway before my mum passed! It’s the little things I took for granted and my god I miss her. I have two little ones who are getting excited for Santa and I’m dreading my first ever Christmas without her here! It’s such a horrible feeling but I know there are many of us out there feeling this way.  X