I am so sorry for your loss.

My dad passed away a few weeks ago and I feel exactly how you are describing how you feel.

I have been told it will get easier but I really don't know how.

We will get through this, we have to for our families xx

Sean l am so sorry and there is nothing l can say that will help. I lost my mum also the best mum anyone could ask for on the 10th Aug. She waa 76 years old but when l say that you think old woman but she was the complete opposite. She did not look a day over 60 and worked right up to she was diagnosed. She started coughing but just a dry cough it never seemed to go away so she went to doctors who sent her for a ct scan. At this point l was not worried my mum had not smoked for nearly 60 years as she gave up when she fell pregnant with my older sister and then had my brother and l was last so l am youngest. But we had a great upbringing. Very happy. Anyway l was at ct scan and then the app she got in a day or 2 after. So she was panicing. I was a bit to but in my mind my mum was so healthy and it would be fine. Anyway they told us at the app that she had a 2cm and a bigger shadow in her left left lung. They tried 3 ways to do a biopsy but because of where it was it kept bleeding to much and they would never get enough tissue to test what kind of cancer it was. Or if it was defo cancer which they were sure it was. She was then sent to a hospital abt 70miles away from where we stayed. So again me and my husband drove her there for a PET scan which shows up hot spots if it is cancer. 

Results were back quick and it was hot spots but what they told us was that it was contained in the 1 lung. But they could not operate or remove the lung because the tumour was actually one big tumour but it was sitting at the most awkward position. It was right at the top heading onto her broncial branch and artery. But the good news was they could cure her with treatment. So she was booked into the cancer hospital for 4 weeks of chemotherapy and radiothearopy. Well 4 weeks passed she did everything they told her and  when she got home at weekends she would be tired and sleep quite a lot. After the 3rd week we new her immune system was low so we tried to stay away if any of us felt a bit ill. But she finished her treatment and the follow up scan and appointment we were told it was just scar tissue left. We were over the moon but we had a few issues after that. She was put on an anti sickness tablet that she had a side effect to. She ended of going off her head with restless leg syndrom but so much worse. She would not sleep she kept asking my dad to rub her legs and she could not sit at piece. She walked up and down constantly. It was so bad my dad waa getting no sleep and she asked all night for her legs to be rubbed. Again me and my husband took them down to A&E who tested her blood and vitals. They could see she was in a state but they sent her home. This went on and my mum started getting very anxious and was crying all the time. Eventually a doctor somewhere realised it was the tablet that was making her legs go funny. She stopped them and her leg problem went away. Anyway she was always tiired after that and my dad had to help her shower. And her appetite started going. She said there was lumps in her kneck and a sore shoulder. We all though she was imagining it as the doctors had told her she was fine. But my dad was having a hard time with her as she was very depressed and needy. She was alway crying  and kept wanting us to go in. I actual took a hard approach with her and told her she had to snap out it. Me my sister and brother all thought if we got on at her she would maybe snap out it as all she could think about was herself and what she had been through. She started forgetting a lot of things and that was just not my mum. I said to her one night you need to snap out it or dads gonna have a heart attack. She was angry and has words but then she would say l love you darling. I promise l will try harder. I was going through an operation myseld and my mum would have been with me all the way through and texting abt it but she forgot altogether. That was definatly not my mum. She could only think about being ill herself it was like she was in a bubble convinced she was ill. So again we took her to doctors who noticed a blood clot on her kneck. She was sent straight to hospital as they had to get an umbarella in asap incase the clot move up to her brain or down to her heart.

That is the day we realised she has cancer again. The GP mentioned her lymth nodes were all swollen on her kneck.. me and my husband just looked at each other as we new what it meant. As soon as we came out doctors and she was taken to hospital my husband phoned the GP and asked her what was going on. He said to the gp and said are you thinking what l am and that her cancer had went metastatic? She said yes l  am thinking that its in her lymth nodes and kneck and chest and back in her lung. We could not talk about it in front of mum as she would freak out. For some reason she did not want to think she had cancer. Right up to the end she would say what is it thats wrong with me. But she new inside. 

Anyway the day she got taken into hospital for blood clot she never came home. I asked for a meeting with a doctor in hospital and me my husband and sister went in. The doctor told us it had spread all over and she had fluid on both lungs. Then he said she has a few weeks left. I heard the words but could not beleive it. I came out and we all cried. She was in the hospital a few days and the way she was being treated was awful. For  starts my dad asked for painkillers and was told can't you see we are in a meeting. 2hrs later still no pain meds. So l made it my job to get mum moved to a hospice that was for people in there last days a pallative care place. I called and emailed and in 2 days my mum was moved to the hospice. What a diffrence they treated every patient so well and were even there for the family. She was i there abt 4 weeks when the doctor told us that her lung with the tumour had collapses and the other was filling up with fluid. They told us its not going to be long now. Her medication was being administered through a pump into a needle. She still asked why she was there. But 1 day l got a call to say she was getting worse if we wanted to all be there when it was time. We were first down and it was like she had a stroke. She was lying in the fearal position and was not talking and it waa like she never new we were there. Like she could not see right. She had oxogen going in through her nose. But you could hear her breathing was laboured and fluid sounded like it was there. 2 days passed we were all so tired so we would take turns in sitting. The night she passed we had all.just left but my dad would sit all.night with her...but at 10.45pm she started drowning my dad said he is glad we were not there as it was awful. They tried there best to get a tube down to clear some fluid but it was to late she was gone. 

I still am in disbeleif. I am constantly looking for something but don't know what. I miss her so much. She called me the baby even though l am 44 only because l was youngest. She adoured her family we were her life. She waa a great lady and you can tell.as she has 3 amazing kids that are so devasted. My poor dad is the worst. He is lost and lonely and feels he has nothing to go on for. We keep saying us we are here and need you. He is trying his best. My sister and l try our best to keep him occupied and give him company but its hard as it took me so long to go back into there house. My sister got rid of all her clothes as l could not. My brother went to his house in america 2 weeks after funeral and left us to it. I also suffer from ostioarthritis and had most of my joints replaced. I have 1 knee that is past needing done but l put it off to be there for mum. I wake up everyday in agony and can hardly move and think l will ring my mum then it hits me she is not here. My op is in Nov l hope my mum is watching over me. You see loads of people lose a parent but you don't realise it will happen to you. And you also don't realise how huge an impact it has on you. God l would do anything to speak to her again. She was the best and l won't get over it for a long time. So l totally understand how you feel. Now thats me going off in a rant. I just can't take it in so l bet you can't.

So sorry

Hi 

oh bless ya I lost my mum on the 11th September 4 weeks tomorrow, still feels very unreal at times. My mum was my best friend, and the sense of loss is well I can’t really describe in words it’s that intense, I cry all time when I am alone with my own thoughts.

I the same as you hope the feeling lessen over time and become bearable. My thought are with you and prays xx

Hello Sir, I feel your pain since not even a month has passed since my own mother died of this cancer.

on 13th of September, I lost my Mother( Best Friend/Guardian/My Happiness/My Supporter in Every Matter) to this relatively rare of form of cancer called ACC (Adenoid Cystic Carcinoma). A Tragedy that I never could anticipate nor was prepared for it. By the time we found out about cancer, it was already a Stage 4 breast cancer that had spread to her liver covered most of it. The oncologist said she'd last a maximum of 2.5-3 months since the stage is too advance for any diagnose to make any dent. Despite knowing the inevitable I tried any option I could come across Chemotherapy/Homeopathy/Strict Diet/ Hakeems and Even Dam Darood to somehow delay if not decline the inevitable but sadly all those methods went in vain and all I gained were 2 more months for her. Contrary to what the oncologist predicted, she lasted for 5 months instead of 3.

She was 55 when she passed away while im her only son aged 23 who lost his mom. Now I miss her everyday and im too young to face all those social problems and responsibilites and im very depressed, she was with me in literally every matter of life, I feel like I lost a part of me that i would never recover. Id live an incomplete life

Thanks Emmajane, it doesn’t appear to be getting any easier yet, not a day passes by when I don’t think of my mum. 

I have less tears some days but then I feel guilty that I haven’t cried enough?! 

Its probably silly but I have a couple of voicemails from my mum and a couple of clips of her that I keep listening to and watching. I get in a bit of a state but somehow it makes me feel better having a cry.  Not sure this is a good thing to be doing though. 

Hope you are well and coping x 

Hi skyrock,  

the feelings don’t appear to be any less at the moment, not a day passes by when I don’t think of my mum. I have a voicemails from my mum and clips of her that I keep listening to and watching. I get in a bit of a state but somehow it makes me feel better after having a cry.  Probably not a good thing to be doing though. 

Hope you are well and coping x 

Hi salman, 

i hope you are finding things easier to cope with now time is passing by. I’d completely understand if you aren’t as sometimes I feel the same. 

I feel I’ve lost a part of me as well, maybe even a little depressed so as we all seem to be experiencing the same feelings it’s clearly part of the process that we have been forced to go through. 

I hope time is a healer and all that, but for now, just know you aren’t alone in your thoughts.

sean 

Hi lors, 

i hope that you and your family are beginning to come to terms with your loss. It’s such an awful experience to be going through. One that sometimes feels is hard to see light at the end of the tunnel. I feel for you and your dad, the feelings of loneliness are awful at times! 

Try and talk to your dad as much as you can as I’ve found with my sister, talking and talking, even saying the same things over and over sometimes give comfort or feelings of relief, for a short time anyway.

wishing you all well. 

Sean

Hi Sean

Everyday is different as are my emotions to be honest, I went back to work last week which I feel it has help with just trying to get back to normal, but am not as she is still not here. Everything reminds me of her, things I do like Christmas is coming, we always went somewhere together shopping, I use to get frustrated with her for taking forever to choose presents lol god we use to laugh and talk I could go on and on but it breaks my heart knowing we not gonna do it this year or ever again, we are still all in the very early stages of our grief and will take long time if ever to cope and deal with it, hugs and love to you all.

How are things now 3 years later? Are you coping? Do you have views about an afterlife?