just lost husband to stage 4 cancer

hello, everyone, I am from New York and came across this website that looks so helpful, on August 18th the love of my life passed away from stage 4 lung cancer that had spread to his liver, bones, and brain. This is the most painful thing I have ever gone through in my life, I feel so half empty without him. The crazy thing about it is we found out about cancer on August 1st by the 18th he passed away. Everything was such a shock and still is, it's killing me inside not having him here with me especially at night. I look at our four children and the thought that he won't be around for their growing up is unbearable. You know the symptoms did not start to show until July when he started complaining of his back, right shoulder, and arm, he went into the hospital on July 31st and on Aug 1st we found out about cancer, I thought he had months to a year, not two weeks can anyone else who has gone through this with a loved one please tell me how they deal and cope with this because I feel like I am going into depression I cry every day, I miss and love him so much we were together 16 years, I will never have another man like him  

  • Hi there sorry to hear about your husband I have just lost my husband too age 54 (9thSeptember) He was fit and healthy until he had a cough at the beginning of May which the doctors just treat for infection with antibiotics and x-ray which they didn’t think was a sign of cancer had to wait 6weeks for another x-ray in which it showed more cover over the left lung then they decided to take it more serious. It was such a long procedure with CT scan showing it had spread to lymph notes .Then had to wait for bronchoscope to see what cancer it was and then for a pet scan which showed it had spread to his spine and hips this took so long until he could finally have treatment! Anyone else had to wait about 6 months ? He finally had 2 lots of chemo and immunotherapy and sadly passed away 5days after chemo . We had been together for 26 amazing years and have got two lovely children age 18 and 16 years this is really hard to come to terms with as we are such a close family just trying to take day by day . 

  • I know this is an old post and I do hope the people who have commented and suffered are now rebuilding their lives. I had a similar experience with my own husband of 48 years of marriage. We were joined at the hip (as they say). We did so much together. I did get comfort from the knowledge that he did not have a long protracted battle and thoroughly enjoyed the months before at Folk festivals, with family and friends. Now, after trying to make sense of my own life, I have just been diagnosed with Stage 4 Ovarian cancer. My life has been completely turned upside down in the space of 12 months. So, it is important that we treasure every day. Find at least one thing positive, as sadly, life is unpredictable and really we know nothing.
  • Hi there I lost the love of my life on Christmas Day from oesophagas liver and lung cancer only ill for 5 weeks from diagnosis it's all been such a shock I have no idea how to carry on everyday is a nightmare xxxxx

  • My dad got diagnosed on the 4th Decmeber with lung cancer and died on the 31st Decemeber.  It's been the most horrendous thing I've ever gone through in my life.  Theres no right or wrong way to deal with it. Every body is different.  I work on a ship and went back to work 2 weeks after. Ended up coming back early as I was having anxiety attacks.    Since coming back I've joined the gym and been talking to a counsellor both of which I find have been a great help.   I was put on beta blockers for the anxiety but have pretty much managed to get off them after joining the gym.  People say exercise is the best medicine and I'm starting to believe it. I feel much better in myself. That doesn't mean I dont miss my dad every day.  Of course I do.  I love him too pieces and theres a huge hole in my life but he wouldn't want to see me the way I have been recently.    I guess I'm saying that exercise is a great help.   Take care of yourself is the most important thing.  I've felt guilty smiling since my dad passed away. Like I shouldn't be happy.  He wouldn't want that.  

  • Hi Molly

    My husband died on Wednesday morning, 11 March 2020 aged 45 of pancreatic cancer which had spread to liver.

    He was diagnosed on 5 February so like your husband, died five weeks to the day - unbelievably quick.

    Like you I'm in utter turmoil and just can't see any future at all.

    I just pray that time does help to heal and this torture does ease eventually .

     

  • Hello Paulajay40

    I just wanted to post on behalf of the whole Cancer Chat team to offer you our condolences at this difficult time. 

    Our thoughts are with you. 

    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator

  • Hi Paula 11 weeks 2 days for me and it's all just awful Iv been to the doctors today to get help as I feel I'm spiralling out of control hope you feeling a bit better such an awful time xxxxxxx

  • Hi PaulaJay40,

    Im really sorry about your husband. That's very quick to pass after diagnosis. Did he receive any chemotherapy?

  • Hi -  never made it sadly - diagnosed on 5 Feb which was a Wednesday and came down with pneumonia which then lead to blood clot on lung on the Saturday  so was never well enough x

    So sudden and so harrowing.

  • Hi Paula, 

    Really sorry, sending you love and strength. xx