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My son passed away from cancer a month ago

Knightysmare
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My son struggled with cancer for 4 years and passed away last month. I am heartbroken and devastated.  I cannot believe this has happened .. I miss him so much.  The day before his funeral I was diagnosed with Advanced kidney cancer.  It was such a shock.  I had no symptoms just a pain in my left side which my GP thought was a pulled muscle.  Eventually I went for a scan and a tumour was found on my right kidney and the cancer had spread into my ribs on the left. I still cannot believe this is happening to me.  I am grieving so much that I can hardly think of myself.  How can I cope with both losing my beloved son and a diagnosis of Stage 4 cancer.  I started biological therapy yesterday  I am broken.  How can I now support my daughters to help them through their grief for their brother? 

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    Hi Knightysmare,

    Can I offer my sincere sympathy on the loss of your son? This is every parent’s worst nightmare and I am not at all surprised that you are still reeling from his passing. To then get the diagnosis that you received the day before his funeral must have been just the last straw.

    I lost my brother when he was just 24. It was a sporting accident that took him. Up to that moment he had always been perfectly healthy. I remember how totally devastated my mother was and she never really got over this to her dying day.

    I am glad to hear that you have started treatment. What ages are your daughters and do you have any grandchildren? I am sure that your daughters are probably more concerned with you at the moment than they are for their poor departed brother. That is not to make little of the loss of their  brother in any way, but you are their precious mother and they won’t want to lose you either.

    It is early days for you all yet. Grief takes a long time to overcome and affects people in different ways. I hope that you make good progress with your treatment and I shall say a prayer for all of you in the meantime.

    Do let us know how you get on. We are always here to support you if you need help.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

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    Hello my name is geraldine and I totally understand how you feel as I to lost my son 2 years ago on the 6 th of may at 10.15 and I have and will never get over it , I manage my pain better and with freinds family supporting you it helps uplift you sometimes as greif drains everything and you must go through the 5 stages so please cry scream and let it out as the pain is unbearable sore and you will feel at times so lonely even with people near you , I felt like I was in a fog and I was trying to clear it , my heart goes out to you and I can only say he's with you in your heart and I no like me you won't him next to you and to speak and hug him he will always be in your thoughts hugs to you xx

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    Hi there. I'm so sorry for your loss and diagnosis. We lost my eldest brother last year to this terrible disease. My mum and brother shared the same birthday and the were 60 years and 90 years old in 2016. 24 days afterwards he passed away. I do understand your grief, Mum was devestated and the images of those last few weeks are and remain harrowing. Your son would want you to focus on your own health now . To survive and enjoy the life that he was denied. My brother was constantly reminding my mother of the fortune of her good health and the need to make the most of what we have . With your own treatment do not be afraid to challenge your oncologist if you are not happy . Ask questions pin them down on monitoring how the drugs are working and insist on regular scans . Kidney cancer is a silent one as we have two kidneys and one can do the job . There are several drugs available to treat, so ask why they have chosen that particular drug for you , understand your treatment options. Please talk to your daughters and tell them everything. They can and will support you. Focusing on getting you better will help your girls manage their own grief , give them a focus. It's not about forgetting your son it's about getting you Better which is what he would want. Together you are stronger . You can do this, I know this is hard. Focusing on my mums health after my brothers death, seeing her through to where she is now has helped me cope but I have not forgotten about my brothers loss not for one minute. But I am doing what I know he would want me to do and that gives me comfort. Keep posting with your progress. We will be thinking of you

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