Hello

i am so sorry to read your post.   Your husband sounds like he was a good man.  We all say and do things in the heat of the moment .. We wouldn't be human if we didn't    I don't doubt for a moment that your hubby knew how much you loved him, it's the little things we do that stay in our hearts not the cross words.  Some of us have a little longer to try to get our heads around what's happening,  you had five weeks.  Everything has happened so fast for you it's bound to feel surreal.  Though you feel it at this moment, your life isn't over, yes it's significantly different to what you have known, it's true, the old cliche, it does get easier with time.  I hope you have some friends and family to support  you through this awful time.  If not there is always a friendly ear on here where you can say whatever you need to without any judgement or perhaps grief counselling your GP could advise you. Just do what ever feels right for you.

take care of yourself 

Kate x

Oh Sue, my heart goes out to you so much. You are at a similar stage to me so I know your agony. I have just been looking at a photograph and reached the realisation that my Terry is becoming a memory. I desperately don't want him to be a memory, I want him here with me now, protecting me from this pain. I have such terrible withdrawal symptoms now he is not around. I keep getting told by my family I will accept things in time. I cannot see a time I will ever get used to being without him, he was too funny, too noisy, too present and too energetic. He leaves such a massive hole in my life and heart. Isn't it terrible Sue, the price we pay for a happy marriage is just too high.

love and a big hug to you Sue x