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My mum lost her battle at 49

Marie26
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Hi 

last Saturday my mum lost her battle after having metastatic breast cancer diagnosed 20 months before. In June 2016 it went into her liver and treatment failed to work following this. Mum went into a hospice last Thursday and we were told weeks to live. Mum fought on for two days after and after around 10 hours of being in pain last Friday the pain relief was finally managed and able to keep her comfortable. She passed away in her sleep five hours later i

My heart is broken and I wish I could turn back time. I keep picturing her in pain that day and it scares me that she knew it was almost her time to go. My mum is an amazing person so selfless and kind and it angers me that evil people live until they're very old, mum was 49 anger 50th is next week. 

Im struggling to accept she has gone, I keep thinking she's on holiday. I don't know how to cope and have a mixed bag of emotions I'm dealing with. I'm Angry because she went so soon, I'm sad because she knew she was dieing, I'm scared because I don't know how to move forward, I feel guilty for trying to think about enjoying myself, I feel hurt she had to be in pain. 

I really do do hate this disease and I intend to give something back one day to support those suffering. 

 

Xx 

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    Hi Marie20 I'm so sorry 4 u loss of u mum it's so sad :( all morning I been reading so many people have loss they loved 1 to this horrible disease we need cure and fast. As I been reading u post it's really hit home 2 me because 1 day my mother wouldn't be here she terminal with bowel cancer it's hard 2 believe as I write this the tears are rolling down my face. Because it's so not fair no one should be going through this it so horrible. My heart goes out 2 everyone who have lost love 1 to this. It's so sad :(  take care x 

  • Dear Marie26,

    On behalf of the cancer chat team I just wanted to offer you our sincere condolences.

    Also, we have some information on coping with grief on our website which you might find useful. 

    Please do come and chat with us if you feel it helps. Our thoughts are with you and your family during this difficult time.

    Kind regards,

    Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator

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    Hi marie

    my heart ️ and thoughts go out to you tonight for losing your dear mum.

    your feelings are extremely raw and fresh at the moment and my advice to you is take one day at a time and override the sad thoughts you are experiencing with. A happy memory for now until your mind can register this sad time.

    i lost my dear dad in Sep , 4 months ago and you describe my feelings which are like a rollercoaster. One minute a little ok the next screaming to why they have taken our beloved dear loved ones. 

    At the time I registered on this site and read about time etc and yes, time does make it a little bit more bearable and you do manage to get through the days a little easier and your memories start to remind you of happier times but nothing brings them back which is what I wish for. Even now when I go to mums I feel like my dad has just popped up the betting shop or gone to see Fulham football, I don't think we ver totally accept or is this par of the grieving.

    for now, just take care of yourself, take one day and a time , cry , scream when you need to , just do what you can to get through the hardest part of the next few weeks. 

    Stay in touch

    x

  • Offline in reply to Duchie
    Thanks Duchie ....my feelings are still so raw almost two weeks on. I am so angry at cancer for taking my precious mum, she was my rock and an amazing role model. I'm still in our family home and it's so strange without her. It was her birthday Tuesday and I ran on auto pilot which resulted in me having a terrible day today and yesterday with non stop tears and I have felt so lost again. I am struggling to think of where she is now, part of me hopes she's watching over me but another part hopes that isn't true incase she's so frustrated and wants to come back. She said she was ready to go but didn't want to leave me, my brother and her baby grandchild behind. The thought of Having my wedding, my birthdays, holidays without telling her how they were, having children and even doing simple things without her there is unbearable :-(
  • Offline in reply to Marie26

    Dear Dear Marie

     

    I am so sorry for your loss. 

    I have answered your question on my thread.   I hope that information will help you. 

     

    Sending you healing thoughts and hugs,

     

    Sadcat

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    Can I first say how sorry I am to hear this. I know exactly how you feel, the same horrible disease also took my mum (aged 47) at the end of Novemeber 2016. They also said my mum had very little time to live (hours) but like your fighter of a mum mine also fought until the very end (lasting 5 days). It was so horrible seeing her like that and how the cancer was killing my beautiful mum. They say it gets easier but it really doesn't, I just think about my mum all the time. And lots of things remind me of my mum. Me and my dad found a list of everything my mum wanted to achieve before she died, bless her the sad thing was that she only managed to do 2/25 things on her list. It breaks my heart to hear that so many people have been affected and loss someone they love. I hope you find a way of coping.
  • Offline in reply to steff

    Oh Marie I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how you're feeling since I lost my mum in January to Ovarian cancer I'm struggling to accept it. It's so hard to accept that I'm never going to hear her voice again or just to ask her opinion on things. Cancer is evil!!!! 

    Sorry I dont know what to say to make you feel better because I don't know it myself but try and look after yourself xxx 

  • Offline in reply to steff
    Hi steff how were you when you lost your mum? I'm 26 and the thought of living another 26 years without her is unbearable. I am sleeping so much and when I wake up it hits me and my chest tightens. My minds going crazy about where she is now, id love to know!! It breaks me when I see my nephew because I know mum won't watch him grow up. I feel guilty for everything I do and I know she wouldn't want me too.
  • Offline in reply to Sheree86

    Hi Sheree ....

    we are both one month on! :.... it's not getting any easier for me, is it for you?

    i feel so so sad that the was upset to leave me and my brother. I feel guilty because she won't watch her grandson grow up. My mind wonders where she is ALL the time! 

  • Offline in reply to Marie26
    Hi Marie26, when my mum passed I was a little relieved at the time as seeing my mum slowly dying for 5 days was so hard. And me and my family just wanted her to go peacefully and not drag on for as long as it did. And yes it's horrible when it suddenly hits you mine is when I'm on my own or late at night when I'm in bed. I feel the same seeing both my niece (3) and nephew (2) is heartbreaking and even worse when my niece asks why grandma got ill and is now in heaven and not with her. I feel the same guilt I feel as though I shouldn't be able to be happy and that if I do. I'm forgetting her and what she went through. It's now that it hurts the most I'm 23 years old and got engaged a month before my mum died and I'm finding it so hard at the minute to plan things without her.

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