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My mum lost her battle at 49

Marie26
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Hi 

last Saturday my mum lost her battle after having metastatic breast cancer diagnosed 20 months before. In June 2016 it went into her liver and treatment failed to work following this. Mum went into a hospice last Thursday and we were told weeks to live. Mum fought on for two days after and after around 10 hours of being in pain last Friday the pain relief was finally managed and able to keep her comfortable. She passed away in her sleep five hours later i

My heart is broken and I wish I could turn back time. I keep picturing her in pain that day and it scares me that she knew it was almost her time to go. My mum is an amazing person so selfless and kind and it angers me that evil people live until they're very old, mum was 49 anger 50th is next week. 

Im struggling to accept she has gone, I keep thinking she's on holiday. I don't know how to cope and have a mixed bag of emotions I'm dealing with. I'm Angry because she went so soon, I'm sad because she knew she was dieing, I'm scared because I don't know how to move forward, I feel guilty for trying to think about enjoying myself, I feel hurt she had to be in pain. 

I really do do hate this disease and I intend to give something back one day to support those suffering. 

 

Xx 

Parents
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    Can I first say how sorry I am to hear this. I know exactly how you feel, the same horrible disease also took my mum (aged 47) at the end of Novemeber 2016. They also said my mum had very little time to live (hours) but like your fighter of a mum mine also fought until the very end (lasting 5 days). It was so horrible seeing her like that and how the cancer was killing my beautiful mum. They say it gets easier but it really doesn't, I just think about my mum all the time. And lots of things remind me of my mum. Me and my dad found a list of everything my mum wanted to achieve before she died, bless her the sad thing was that she only managed to do 2/25 things on her list. It breaks my heart to hear that so many people have been affected and loss someone they love. I hope you find a way of coping.
  • Offline in reply to steff
    Hi steff how were you when you lost your mum? I'm 26 and the thought of living another 26 years without her is unbearable. I am sleeping so much and when I wake up it hits me and my chest tightens. My minds going crazy about where she is now, id love to know!! It breaks me when I see my nephew because I know mum won't watch him grow up. I feel guilty for everything I do and I know she wouldn't want me too.
  • Offline in reply to Marie26
    Hi Marie26, when my mum passed I was a little relieved at the time as seeing my mum slowly dying for 5 days was so hard. And me and my family just wanted her to go peacefully and not drag on for as long as it did. And yes it's horrible when it suddenly hits you mine is when I'm on my own or late at night when I'm in bed. I feel the same seeing both my niece (3) and nephew (2) is heartbreaking and even worse when my niece asks why grandma got ill and is now in heaven and not with her. I feel the same guilt I feel as though I shouldn't be able to be happy and that if I do. I'm forgetting her and what she went through. It's now that it hurts the most I'm 23 years old and got engaged a month before my mum died and I'm finding it so hard at the minute to plan things without her.
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  • Offline in reply to Marie26
    Hi Marie26, when my mum passed I was a little relieved at the time as seeing my mum slowly dying for 5 days was so hard. And me and my family just wanted her to go peacefully and not drag on for as long as it did. And yes it's horrible when it suddenly hits you mine is when I'm on my own or late at night when I'm in bed. I feel the same seeing both my niece (3) and nephew (2) is heartbreaking and even worse when my niece asks why grandma got ill and is now in heaven and not with her. I feel the same guilt I feel as though I shouldn't be able to be happy and that if I do. I'm forgetting her and what she went through. It's now that it hurts the most I'm 23 years old and got engaged a month before my mum died and I'm finding it so hard at the minute to plan things without her.
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