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My mum lost her battle at 49

Marie26
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Hi 

last Saturday my mum lost her battle after having metastatic breast cancer diagnosed 20 months before. In June 2016 it went into her liver and treatment failed to work following this. Mum went into a hospice last Thursday and we were told weeks to live. Mum fought on for two days after and after around 10 hours of being in pain last Friday the pain relief was finally managed and able to keep her comfortable. She passed away in her sleep five hours later i

My heart is broken and I wish I could turn back time. I keep picturing her in pain that day and it scares me that she knew it was almost her time to go. My mum is an amazing person so selfless and kind and it angers me that evil people live until they're very old, mum was 49 anger 50th is next week. 

Im struggling to accept she has gone, I keep thinking she's on holiday. I don't know how to cope and have a mixed bag of emotions I'm dealing with. I'm Angry because she went so soon, I'm sad because she knew she was dieing, I'm scared because I don't know how to move forward, I feel guilty for trying to think about enjoying myself, I feel hurt she had to be in pain. 

I really do do hate this disease and I intend to give something back one day to support those suffering. 

 

Xx 

Parents
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    Hi marie

    my heart ️ and thoughts go out to you tonight for losing your dear mum.

    your feelings are extremely raw and fresh at the moment and my advice to you is take one day at a time and override the sad thoughts you are experiencing with. A happy memory for now until your mind can register this sad time.

    i lost my dear dad in Sep , 4 months ago and you describe my feelings which are like a rollercoaster. One minute a little ok the next screaming to why they have taken our beloved dear loved ones. 

    At the time I registered on this site and read about time etc and yes, time does make it a little bit more bearable and you do manage to get through the days a little easier and your memories start to remind you of happier times but nothing brings them back which is what I wish for. Even now when I go to mums I feel like my dad has just popped up the betting shop or gone to see Fulham football, I don't think we ver totally accept or is this par of the grieving.

    for now, just take care of yourself, take one day and a time , cry , scream when you need to , just do what you can to get through the hardest part of the next few weeks. 

    Stay in touch

    x

  • Offline in reply to Duchie
    Thanks Duchie ....my feelings are still so raw almost two weeks on. I am so angry at cancer for taking my precious mum, she was my rock and an amazing role model. I'm still in our family home and it's so strange without her. It was her birthday Tuesday and I ran on auto pilot which resulted in me having a terrible day today and yesterday with non stop tears and I have felt so lost again. I am struggling to think of where she is now, part of me hopes she's watching over me but another part hopes that isn't true incase she's so frustrated and wants to come back. She said she was ready to go but didn't want to leave me, my brother and her baby grandchild behind. The thought of Having my wedding, my birthdays, holidays without telling her how they were, having children and even doing simple things without her there is unbearable :-(
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  • Offline in reply to Duchie
    Thanks Duchie ....my feelings are still so raw almost two weeks on. I am so angry at cancer for taking my precious mum, she was my rock and an amazing role model. I'm still in our family home and it's so strange without her. It was her birthday Tuesday and I ran on auto pilot which resulted in me having a terrible day today and yesterday with non stop tears and I have felt so lost again. I am struggling to think of where she is now, part of me hopes she's watching over me but another part hopes that isn't true incase she's so frustrated and wants to come back. She said she was ready to go but didn't want to leave me, my brother and her baby grandchild behind. The thought of Having my wedding, my birthdays, holidays without telling her how they were, having children and even doing simple things without her there is unbearable :-(
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