Dear Lucy,

I was so very sorry to read your post. I lost my Mum in September (tumour on her brainstem) so I can fully understand how you are feeling. I agree with the other replies you've received; your feelings are still going to be so raw and new. I still feeling I'm living day by day. The best bit of advice people have given me is to be kind to myself. Don't be too hard on yourself. Your pain and upset is a reflection on how much you love your mum (which is clearly very very much) Do you have family and close friends you can lean on? Please feel free to message me on here. 

I've recently contacted Cruse Bereavement, they're nationwide so perhaps look into what they can offer you. I've also phoned the Samaritans a couple of times, speaking to a stranger about your feelings can help. 

Sending you love xx

Hi Dawn, I'm so sorry to hear about your poor Mum, and thank you for your kind words. 

Chrisrmas used to be my favourite time of year, and my Mum loved it too, so it just doesn't feel right not having her around. Everything seems so bleak and sad without her.

i hope you are managing through the Christmas period having just lost your Mum. It just doesn't feel like Christmas and I find myself so jealous of all of my friends who still have their Mums.

Thanks for your advise regarding bereavement services, I think it would really help me out. 

Xx

Lovely to hear from you xx My Mum loved Christmas too so this time of year is going to be tough. We have a lot of firsts to get through. Mum's birthday would have been in November, and I'm dreading Mothers Day already. 

I too feel very envious of anyone who still has their Mum, even when food shopping I find myself looking at Mums and daughters and getting very upset. Grief is completely overwhelming xx 

One of my friends lost their Mum a few years ago and she says that whenever she sees a white feather its a sign her Mum is near. Could you maybe think of something like this? I've had a few signs that have given me a little comfort when I need it the most. 

Please feel free to message me on here.  This forum is great for getting the support you need xx

love Dawn xx

Hi I have just been reading all the posts I suppose because I needed to know that it is not unusual to feel the constant pain I feel daily since my mum passed away in May this year from cancer. It was a total kick in the stomach as after being diagnosed last April she endured a 8 hour operation to be told it had been successful and the cancer had all been removed because it had  been in the early stages The cancer then spread, but this was never told to us , we recieved no support and when she was eventually given only months to live in April this year the doctor had the nenve to say we' were confused and hadn't understood. Mum became really poorly just a few weeks later, on the day she died we were told she had 48 hours and they would get palative care , too late mum passed away less than 2 hours later. Every day I think about mum I miss her terribly she was my best friend. Christmas was her favourite time of the year so it is going to be incredibly difficult. I cry every night , I often sleep with her Cardigan just to try and feel close to her, will it get easier.?. I don't want to feel anger and I do not with mum but the hospital ,  I blame myself constantly ,  did I miss something ,  did I not ask the right questions?  I just want her back .....

Dear Helen,

I am so sorry to hear you lost your mum so suddenly. My thoughts are with you. Like I said to Lucy who started the discussion, please be kind to yourself. I too went through a phase of blaming myself, again that's completely natural. I felt so angry with the doctors who had initially said there was nothing wrong with Mum, but had to face the fact that being angry won't bring her back. 

A good friend told me that I'm grieving so much because of the love my mum and I shared. You clearly love your mum very much; thats why it hurts so much. I sometimes get completely knocked off my feet with grief (again completely normal) xx 

Have you looked into bereavement counselling? Cruse Bereavement are a national charity helpline. They offer various support services. Do speak to your doctor too about how you're feeling xx Do you have family / friends to talk to?Feel free to message me on here xx 

keep in touch,

Dawn xx

Hi Helen, it made me so sad reading your above post, but I feel exactly the same. There have been so many things that I blame the doctors and hospital for not noticing and also so many signs that I didn't notice, or didn't do enough about, but blaming is a normal part of grieving. Nothing will bring our Mums back, as much as I wish there was a way. That's what I'm struggling to deal with - the fact that there's literally nothing I can do to get her back. Cancer is such an awful disease. 

Thinking you and your family at this time xx

Hi Dawn, yes it's definitely going to be a year of the firsts. I too am dreading Mothers Day and don't think I will be able to cope with seeing the adverts for it and hear everyone talking about what they will be doing with their Mum. 

I also get very upset seeing Mums and daughters our together. It's so upsetting and really makes the pain of loosing Mum come back and hit me like a tonne of bricks!

I've looked out for signs of my Mum, but I've received nothing, which upsets me so much as we were exceptionally close. I just want to feel like she's around somewhere, but I don't think she is and it breaks my heart! 

I'm sure there'll be a sign from your Mum when you least expect it. Remember she made you the lovely, strong person you are today. You've been brave in opening up on this forum and I'm sure she's proud of you for seeking help. She is guiding you xx Was there anything in particular your Mum enjoyed doing, or visiting? Perhaps doing something she enjoyed will help a sign come xx 

I really hope she is around somewhere snd I'm just not sensing it. I miss her so much and I feel angry that this has happened to my poor Mum and me. My Mum loved shopping and I think of her every time I go shopping, but it also makes me so sad as it was something we enjoyed doing together. I find that almost anything and everything reminds me of my Mum, which makes the grieving process even more difficult. 

I picked up her ashes this week and I was hoping that by having them she might send me a sign that she's with me. Xx

Hi Dawn and Lucy, thank you for your kind words, yes I gave a close family albeit small but I often feel I have to be the brave one so will always try and put them first . My Dad is devastated as are we all and I have a 20 year old daughter who was incredibly close to my Mum so I try to be brave which is why I hate bedtime as i only remember my mums face when she died or I go over the funeral again and again lying in bed. My husband has told me to go to councelling but I keep thinking I will be okay. I have seen my doctor who suggested Cruise  so I might give it ago . Just put my Christmas tree up today and took my mum a miniture one at the cemetery so trying you get in the festive spirit because I know she would be shouting at me otherwise Lol!,  It's a bit of a comfort to know I am not abnormal and it will take time....thank you both....Helen xx  

Hi Dawn and Lucy, thank you for your kind words, yes I gave a close family albeit small but I often feel I have to be the brave one so will always try and put them first . My Dad is devastated as are we all and I have a 20 year old daughter who was incredibly close to my Mum so I try to be brave which is why I hate bedtime as i only remember my mums face when she died or I go over the funeral again and again lying in bed. My husband has told me to go to councelling but I keep thinking I will be okay. I have seen my doctor who suggested Cruise  so I might give it ago . Just put my Christmas tree up today and took my mum a miniture one at the cemetery so trying you get in the festive spirit because I know she would be shouting at me otherwise Lol!,  It's a bit of a comfort to know I am not abnormal and it will take time....thank you both....Helen xx  

Hi  you sound as though you're being so brave for your family's sake, but make sure you allow yourself to grieve. I too suffer the most at night once the madness of the day is over. Try and remember some lovely memories that you shared instead of the funeral, which is quite a traumatic memory. I like to think of my Mum dancing around the house and being silly as that makes me happy, although it makes me miss her so much!

Counselling sounds like it may be beneficial, as it's nice to vent and have some professional advice on how to get through this hard time!

That's lovely that you got your Mum a little tree :). Xx