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I miss my dad so much.

AmyC89
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Hi everyone,

I don't really know where to start.. I'm 26 and my dad was 65 so no age and . I lost my best friend, my hero, my rock at the beginning of September the week my son started primary school.. we had the toughest summer.. dad was initially diagnosed in 2012 with advanced prostate cancer with it spread to the  bones and lymph nodes.. but was hormone receptive until beginning of last year so we did have a good run up until that point.. last year he came to live with me , my husband and our 2 kids as he stared chemo as things weren't working out with my mother.. anyway the chemo in itself was an emotional rollercoaster which we didn't really anticipate as we were thrown into the deep end so to speak. It was  heartbreaking to watch him struggle to then get through 10 cycles for it To not have done anything.. end of July  this year it had gone  to the liver, behind the abdomen wall, urea that and growing in the lymph nodes.  it was everywhere and we was told a few short months in August if he didn't start chemo.. well he went in for a routine op 4th August for kidney stents and he never came out of hospital. Meaning he never had the chemo.. . he developed pneumonia and again which he fought with incredible strength, had a stroke and has full left side paralysis.. and day by day travelling to the Royal Marsden in Chelsea watching him slowly waste away and deteriorate is something that has massively effected me especially as the stroke had effected him mentally so he wasn't always my usual dad :-( ... then he was transferred to his local hospital which is when he really took a turn for the worst and the palliative team got him into a hospice on the weds as we was unresponsive and he passed on the Friday.. my world fell apart.. I've dealt with it all majority on my own with my brother and I just am not coping with him not being here, not talking to him, my kids not seeing him or making anymore memories... it's obviously still so raw but it's just genuinely breaking my heart... the emotional waves I get are so overwhelming where I physically cannot stop the tears.. the hospice has been great and are putting us in touch with grief councillors but I guess I was just after some advice or experiences of anyone unfortunately having to go through this utter rubbish time.  

Sorry for the long post but I guess that's the first time I've really reflected on the last 8 or so weeks.

 

xx

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    Hi everyone, 

    I'm really struggling to get over the loss of my Dad; he was my whole world and i loved him more than anyone and anything in this world. He got diagnosed with kindey cancer over 5 years ago but as the cancer could be managed it was all relatively positive for a while with the hope of other treatments that may one day get rid of it for good however as he had one of his kindeys removed he only had one that was working at a low percentage and went into renal failure this November due to something called Amyloid. He came to live with me for a month but got worse over that duration and ended up getting sepsis too which meant it was all too much in the end. I feel completely numb and miss him so so much, he was only 59 and i feel like my right arm has been ripped off as i spoke to him every single day and saw him almost every other day. I am on antidepressants and currently having counselling but i feel so lost and numb, i would give anything in this world to have him back again. 

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    Amy I feel your loss - it’s like a chunk of you has been taken away - only to be filled with other feelings. You will never forget your Father. I lost my lovely Dad to cancer 16 April 2009. I still hear his final breath. I do think though that my Dad would never like to see me unhappy especially at losing even him. Think that the more you accept that he is no longer with you the more he will move on too. Love
  • Offline in reply to nila37
    I miss my dad so much we had lots of special times together just me and him he was so lovely and I was his favourite because I was the most loyal and he looked after so many times he was only 64 when he died and I was there with him he as taken far too soon and I will never ever get over losing him he was my world cancer is evil and has no boundaries I've had 2 different kinds myself @ 34 and survived I just wish so much that my dad did
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    Be strong this and next year will fly by in the thought process, acknowledging the loss, 

    I lost my dad in January, and the one man that gave me life, I had to carry on my shoulders to his final sleep. Me and my brother both have business's and the person that we needed to see our success left,  just wanted to make him proud, but he watches us , so I have to behave, 

    you loss is a tough pill to swallow, but your not alone, even though it's the darkest day you'll ever see, life rotates and give you angle to be strong, just look for it 

    m.s.s

     

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    Hi Amy my names bobbi i am 14 and lost my dad to cancer 5 and a half months ago. My best advice to you is to allow yourself to grieve and try to remember the best times you had with your dad, remember what he would want you to remember him for, after all, all we have left is our memories and we must treasure them. Perhaps you could make a little box up of little quotes he used to say to you, pictures you have together , memories and little gifts he gave you, you could visit this box whenever you miss your dad alot to remember the great times you had together xx

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    I am so sorry to hear about your sad loss. My Dad my best friend sole mate passed away in September this year I like you miss him so much Mummy my sister and I all did our best to get through Christmas Day but its really hit me today I find it so hard without him. But reading your story helps me cope I am so sorry what your poor father went through with you by his side was so hard for you. I am sending lots of hugs and love to you I feel so sad for you but we are all here for you and having someone to talk to helps. Take care Marian x 

  • Offline in reply to Cuddlybunny

    Hi I'm Ryan I'm 19 and  I lost my dad two years ago and we didn't really get on near the end and I didn't get to say good bye but I still love him , I miss him loads I personally don't show much emotion so sometimes I end up having quite big breakdowns because it's difficult knowing I cant  share anything I've achieved or done to him done also knowing the fact he's never goona come back is a thing I'm coming to realise after him being gone for two years it's really difficult sometimes, my dad was my hero and I just want him back which will never happen  but that's the cruel world I suppose.

    thankyou if you've read this it means a lot to get this of my chest 

     

  • Offline in reply to Spam2002

    Hi, 

    I am a girl, I lost my dad when he was 46, I was 17. Now I am 45 and it feels very weird, and I am thinking about therapy because I am attracted to men who remind me of him. I think I never got over it. It's very hard, because as a woman I can't live in a relationship with my "father" (figure), but he is the only one who understands me, and it's hard for me to develop feelings to my husband, especially now that we grow old together, and it's not just about fighting together against the world anymore, but settling down and spend time discovering the world. I feel like I'm sliding away from my marriage towards people who remind me of him. We were best friends, musicians, now it feels like I can't talk honestly to anyone, and couldn't really make myself understood in the past nearly 30 years. I wonder what to do... The worst thing is that doctors took away all my nice memories, I remember a sick, crippled, cut and sewn body fully pumped with the hardest possible painkillers, and if not, I remember him being lonely, grumpy, aggressive and desparate in being afraid of death. No matter that he offered his body for MEDICINE to discover the treatment for lymphobe cancer, all the doctors did was taking away my best memories and half of my personality is still missing. Thank God I don't have cancer and don't have to make a decision like that. To be a demonstrative corpse for science and ruin my loved ones' life...

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