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I miss my dad so much.

AmyC89
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Hi everyone,

I don't really know where to start.. I'm 26 and my dad was 65 so no age and . I lost my best friend, my hero, my rock at the beginning of September the week my son started primary school.. we had the toughest summer.. dad was initially diagnosed in 2012 with advanced prostate cancer with it spread to the  bones and lymph nodes.. but was hormone receptive until beginning of last year so we did have a good run up until that point.. last year he came to live with me , my husband and our 2 kids as he stared chemo as things weren't working out with my mother.. anyway the chemo in itself was an emotional rollercoaster which we didn't really anticipate as we were thrown into the deep end so to speak. It was  heartbreaking to watch him struggle to then get through 10 cycles for it To not have done anything.. end of July  this year it had gone  to the liver, behind the abdomen wall, urea that and growing in the lymph nodes.  it was everywhere and we was told a few short months in August if he didn't start chemo.. well he went in for a routine op 4th August for kidney stents and he never came out of hospital. Meaning he never had the chemo.. . he developed pneumonia and again which he fought with incredible strength, had a stroke and has full left side paralysis.. and day by day travelling to the Royal Marsden in Chelsea watching him slowly waste away and deteriorate is something that has massively effected me especially as the stroke had effected him mentally so he wasn't always my usual dad :-( ... then he was transferred to his local hospital which is when he really took a turn for the worst and the palliative team got him into a hospice on the weds as we was unresponsive and he passed on the Friday.. my world fell apart.. I've dealt with it all majority on my own with my brother and I just am not coping with him not being here, not talking to him, my kids not seeing him or making anymore memories... it's obviously still so raw but it's just genuinely breaking my heart... the emotional waves I get are so overwhelming where I physically cannot stop the tears.. the hospice has been great and are putting us in touch with grief councillors but I guess I was just after some advice or experiences of anyone unfortunately having to go through this utter rubbish time.  

Sorry for the long post but I guess that's the first time I've really reflected on the last 8 or so weeks.

 

xx

Parents
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    Hi Amy. I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. Like you, I'm 26 and I lost my dad to cancer on the 25th June this year. He was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer at the end of last year, was put on hormone & radiotherapy for 4 weeks. He was given the all clear and we were told his Prostate cancer had gone. Weeks later he became ill again and we then found out his Prostate cancer had spread to his abdomen and stomach, by this time it was too late for treatment and he rapidly went downhill. Seeing my dad die slowly day by day was the hardest thing I have ever done in my whole life. My dad was my hero and I never ever thought he wouldn't be here anymore. 15 weeks have gone by since he passed and I've still not got over the fact he isn't here anymore, you just learn to deal with it and learn how to live a new life without dad in it, as heartbreaking as it is. I'm not married yet and don't have any children, it breaks my heart knowing he won't be here to see either of them. I just want you to know you are not alone on how you are feeling, I can go days without crying and then all of a sudden it hits me and I have endless tears. You have to carry on living life and making your dad proud of who you are and what you are doing. I understand exactly how you are feeling Amy, and I hope this message makes you feel a little better if at all possible. I'm here to chat anytime. Take Care. Jess xx 

    ps remember, there is no "normal" way that you should be feeling, no-one can tell you how to feel, take it day by day and go from there. Xx

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    Hi Amy. I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. Like you, I'm 26 and I lost my dad to cancer on the 25th June this year. He was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer at the end of last year, was put on hormone & radiotherapy for 4 weeks. He was given the all clear and we were told his Prostate cancer had gone. Weeks later he became ill again and we then found out his Prostate cancer had spread to his abdomen and stomach, by this time it was too late for treatment and he rapidly went downhill. Seeing my dad die slowly day by day was the hardest thing I have ever done in my whole life. My dad was my hero and I never ever thought he wouldn't be here anymore. 15 weeks have gone by since he passed and I've still not got over the fact he isn't here anymore, you just learn to deal with it and learn how to live a new life without dad in it, as heartbreaking as it is. I'm not married yet and don't have any children, it breaks my heart knowing he won't be here to see either of them. I just want you to know you are not alone on how you are feeling, I can go days without crying and then all of a sudden it hits me and I have endless tears. You have to carry on living life and making your dad proud of who you are and what you are doing. I understand exactly how you are feeling Amy, and I hope this message makes you feel a little better if at all possible. I'm here to chat anytime. Take Care. Jess xx 

    ps remember, there is no "normal" way that you should be feeling, no-one can tell you how to feel, take it day by day and go from there. Xx

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