I miss my dad so much.

Hi everyone,

I don't really know where to start.. I'm 26 and my dad was 65 so no age and . I lost my best friend, my hero, my rock at the beginning of September the week my son started primary school.. we had the toughest summer.. dad was initially diagnosed in 2012 with advanced prostate cancer with it spread to the  bones and lymph nodes.. but was hormone receptive until beginning of last year so we did have a good run up until that point.. last year he came to live with me , my husband and our 2 kids as he stared chemo as things weren't working out with my mother.. anyway the chemo in itself was an emotional rollercoaster which we didn't really anticipate as we were thrown into the deep end so to speak. It was  heartbreaking to watch him struggle to then get through 10 cycles for it To not have done anything.. end of July  this year it had gone  to the liver, behind the abdomen wall, urea that and growing in the lymph nodes.  it was everywhere and we was told a few short months in August if he didn't start chemo.. well he went in for a routine op 4th August for kidney stents and he never came out of hospital. Meaning he never had the chemo.. . he developed pneumonia and again which he fought with incredible strength, had a stroke and has full left side paralysis.. and day by day travelling to the Royal Marsden in Chelsea watching him slowly waste away and deteriorate is something that has massively effected me especially as the stroke had effected him mentally so he wasn't always my usual dad :-( ... then he was transferred to his local hospital which is when he really took a turn for the worst and the palliative team got him into a hospice on the weds as we was unresponsive and he passed on the Friday.. my world fell apart.. I've dealt with it all majority on my own with my brother and I just am not coping with him not being here, not talking to him, my kids not seeing him or making anymore memories... it's obviously still so raw but it's just genuinely breaking my heart... the emotional waves I get are so overwhelming where I physically cannot stop the tears.. the hospice has been great and are putting us in touch with grief councillors but I guess I was just after some advice or experiences of anyone unfortunately having to go through this utter rubbish time.  

Sorry for the long post but I guess that's the first time I've really reflected on the last 8 or so weeks.

 

xx

Parents
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    Hi Amy,

    I'm so sorry for your loss and I just wanted to send you a hug. I just joined this site so I could write to you. My situation is a little different to your but I wanted to share a couple of things. A friend told me on Sunday, It's OK to feel overwhelmed, because you ARE overwhelmed. I'm not sure why, but that sort of helped to have that acknowledged and for me to allow myself to be a bit of a mess. It's OK and normal to cry, you've just the most significant person in your life. I'm glad you have the hospice sorting out counselling and I hope people on this site will help you to feel less isolated.

    When you start to get 'window' where you can operate, maybe try and do something to help you and to support your body help with this enormity of emotions you're experiencing right now. I've been to see a qualified herbalist and hope to try some acupuncture when I can afford it. I understand writing your feelings down or drawing them out can help. But everyone is different, do whatever you are drawn to that you intuitively feel might help you feel support. Take care Amy, I know other people will send you messages so you don't feel so alone at this difficult time.

    A big hug to you Amy XX

  • Thank you for your lovely reply.. it's awful that we have to go through this and I feel so alone and vulnerable even though I have my husband and two kiddies.. he was my best friend and the one person who truly got me in this world.. I do think I need to utilise the moments I am feeling ok but the waves hit me so strong and I have these uncontrollable tears that just don't stop. It also doesn't help I don't have a relationship with my mum because of the way she treated my dad in the last year of his life. I am sorry you've had a tough time too. Life can be so cruel. 

    Xxx

Reply
  • Thank you for your lovely reply.. it's awful that we have to go through this and I feel so alone and vulnerable even though I have my husband and two kiddies.. he was my best friend and the one person who truly got me in this world.. I do think I need to utilise the moments I am feeling ok but the waves hit me so strong and I have these uncontrollable tears that just don't stop. It also doesn't help I don't have a relationship with my mum because of the way she treated my dad in the last year of his life. I am sorry you've had a tough time too. Life can be so cruel. 

    Xxx

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