Syliva, I am so very sorry for your loss, I know how it feels, my husband passed away in October and I miss him so much, I too wish they could let us know they are ok.  There are lots of people on here going through the same terrible time who will offer support.  Sending love to you Debbie xxxxxx

Hi debbie, how are you havnt heard off you in a while i feel ok at the moment health wise ,got to go the hospital next month  to see about my breathing me and the kids just having a quite xmas dinner we will go to the crem  to put flowers on my parents grave ,we will put some flowers in a vase for my hubby ,it is my hubbys birthday on the 27 dec  might go for a walk weather permiting  to a place called spike island my hubby used to like watching the mersey from there .  Take care  have a peaceful xmas  will be thinking of you  Syl x

Hi Syl

Hope you enjoy the meal with your children tomorrow.  It looks as though we have a respite from the very cold weather and now have wet and windy mild spell forecast. Busy today in and out with shops etc so will hope to complete my birdwatch hour tomorrow after gym visit.  Certainly during the cold snap the feeders were emptied pretty quickly but have already noticed a difference thismorning as there was no frost and the ground feeders are pulling worms from the garden.  First time I had seen a blackbird for a while.

No visiting or visitors planned for this week but then who knows what might occur as sometimes family will just drop by if in the area.

I have been to Jersey but it was 42 years ago; in fact the year before we became engaged and my biggest memory is of our B&B landlady telling my other half that we ought to make sure I did not get away!!  I am sure I will see plenty of changes to the very quiet place it was then but I thought a good base for a relaxing break with all amenities on hand and lots of walking routes to enjoy.

The countdown to the wedding is really on now and everyone is looking forward to the celebrations.  My only worry is for  the bride's parents as they are going ski-ing (it will be her Mum's first time) just before the event so hope there are no misfortunes there!!  My son has his stag do next weekend with half a dozen mates but he and baby Darcey are both dealing with colds at the moment so sleep deprivation is something of an issue.........the joys of parenthood.

Well time is moving on so will answer rest of my mail and then get on with the day.  I am hoping too that Debbie is managing okay but sometimes people find they need the forum less as time passes. I find it good to still chat with my forum buddies even though it is obviously now more general chat. I hope she is keeping well. 

Take care. Jules xx

Hi Jules, had my meal with the kids we went to a cavery near where we live it was  ok but not very hot. I did my bird watch  Sunday  and e -mailed my results, i see you did it as well, so did my daughter we  are all nature lovers.i have felt very tearful  these last couple of days (i dont even know why ) i only  have to look at his picture, or some thing comes in to my head and it starts me off,maybe its because its coming up to  12 month i dont really know why. Went to my friendship group yesterday  ,we had a auction of all our unwanted xmas presents, i ended up with a neckless which i will probable never were and a candle i will  never light, the charity shop will  benefit from them.   Lets hope your sons future in laws stay upright on the slopes  it would be awful if they were on crutches and in plaster for the big day ,you will have to keep your fingers crossed.i am going my swimming aerobics to night ,didnt go last  week as she was on holiday, hope the water is warm sometimes it can be quite cold which isnt very nice .had george out  its mild here at the moment but overcast and damp the weather dosnt  help when your feeling a bit down. Take care regards Syl x

Hi Debbie, sorry your feeling down i have  cried a lot this week, i dont  even know why . please try and go  out even if  its just  to your local town have a mooch round the shops  and have a coffee, i dont think Sam would  wont you to shut your  self away  he would wont you to be happy again.why dont you ring Bereavement Support they must be in the phone book or on line , they have a counseller in   a church near where i live once a week  on a Saturday i have been a few times   they just listen  you can cry and they understand because they have been threw it.and they have outings  and go out for lunch , i havnt felt the need to join in , but i could  if i needed to .it might do you good  just to ring  them even if its only  to chat on the phone  take care look after your self  Syl x

Bless you Debbie,   this is not you being boring but about the heavy weight that grief can bring,  There are no time restraints on how different people take to move forward little by little.  It's over two years since I lost hubby and I still have down days and manage on a day to day basis.  I accept that my life is totally different now but it cannot take away the memories or wishing it could all be so different.  I have built a routine of sorts which is probably a kind of coping mechanism.

  The forum became part of my routine during hubby's cancer journey and I still have it as my support network.  It may seem like a virtual world but I find it easier to talk things through here than with some of my friends though I appreciate their kindness and support. I am also playing a supporting role with my kids/grandkids who still miss their Dad, Grandad daily but we talk openly about the good times despite the emotional 'leakage'.  The tears probably say more than words ever can.

If nothing else we have mutual understanding of the sadness, bewilderment and grief that comes with loss and you always know where to chat if you feel the need.  In the meantime sending hugs that you may find some peace.  Take care. Jules xxx

Hi Syl

Quite honestly dont think we need a reason to feel tearful at times. It even still takes me by surprise when emotions catch up with me; silly really.  With the first anniversary of your husband's passing getting closer you are probably remembering and wondering where the time has gone and how you are managing now.  Sometimes it still feels like yesterday when my life changed, litterally overnight, even though I had known it would come.  Life's journey certainly brings its ups and downs and I suppose we just roll with the waves so to speak.

All good with the bride to be's parents so far but am sure there will be a sigh of relief all round once they are back. I had a message from my son and fiancee yesterday evening asking if it was okay with the family to have a fundraiser at the wedding (guess the length of the speeches) with the money going to the asbestos charity that helped us upon diagnosis. So proud and yes emotional all over again and also a good way to bring something positive into the celebrations. I know my son want's to keep his speech short and sweet so we can enjoy the meal so now I am wondering how best to gauge my 'guess'.

Hope the water is warm for you tonight and am sure the charity shops will appreciate any donations.Love the swapping idea at your friendship group though and perhaps some were luckier than others!  The only thing I have given away was some chcocolates I bought but which did not get opened..........the gym has an amnesty and then donates to local lunch clubs/homes. 

My treat to myself this week was a pedicure yesterday (a lot more relaxing than doing it myself) and then today I have visited my Mum and been to the gym - usual Tuesday routine.  Now to get through the two work days.

Take care and hope George appreciates his lovely friend taking him walkies.  Jules xx

Hi Jules, i am sat in my pyjamas watching the telly so thought i would send you a e-mail  its a lovely jesture you son  has made to donate money to the asbestos charity  at there wedding i am sure people will think it is a good idea.i dont feel to bad at the moment, its funny how feelings take over  and you feel  sad all over again then it  passes till the next  time. dont think i am doing much sat  might go to the garden centre for bird food , my sister might nip down  as well .your pedicure sounded nice its something i have never tried it looks very relaxing  when you see it done on the telly.my son is still working in London me and my daughter are going to his on Sunday for dinner, he does a nice Sunday lunch. also my daughter is taking 3 month off work to persue other things  she is going to to some  voluntary work  at an animal  charity near where she lives, also she is doing an MVQ for work  so she is  finishing that off. i am  helping her with her bills so she can do it.she is hopeing to fit a holiday in as well .have a nice weekend  regards Syl x

Hi Syl,

Good that you felt ok and comfy when you last posted. Emotions are strange as they seem to catch you unwares at times.  I had a few 'weary' days last week but am okay just now so maybe turned another corner!

Had a good day with my daughter and grandsons yesterday and was out to lunch which is always enjoyable. After an early breakfast and the gym this morning I walked to our local Farmers'Market and enjoyed a freshly brewed coffee in the old barn (free newspaper to read too).  Been there about 15mins when my daughter and the boys strolled in so we wandered the stalls together and they chose their favourite cheeses and locally produced jams/fudge to take home.  Little Zack also had his face painted before they settled down to play at the lego table for a bit whilst daughter and I sat and nattered before setting back towards home.  As it's over a mile and the boys had walked there, they caught the bus home as my daughter had also done some supermarket shopping.  I left them at the bus stop and walked back home.  Dry and cold but very pleasant way to spend the morning.

Hope you enoy the meal at your son's and how lovely that you are in a position to help with your daughter's three months break from work; I hope she achieves all she sets out to do in that time.

My daughter and family are still waiting to hear when their moving date is  so that they can start the job of 'packing up' but the solictors/estate agents are aiming at end of this month or beginning of March which at least makes it the other side of the wedding.  Exciting times ahead for them.

Take care and sending hugs.  Jules xx 

Hi Debbie, glad your not shutting your self away like i thought you was , its nice to do things with your  sister and nieces, i know how you feel ,i dont like going to places i went with hubby , some times if a  sea side comes on the telly i cry  becaues we loved going to them places .its strange really what goes  threw  your mind. take care of your self Syl x

Hi Debbie, glad your not shutting your self away like i thought you was , its nice to do things with your  sister and nieces, i know how you feel ,i dont like going to places i went with hubby , some times if a  sea side comes on the telly i cry  becaues we loved going to them places .its strange really what goes  threw  your mind. take care of your self Syl x