Syliva, I am so very sorry for your loss, I know how it feels, my husband passed away in October and I miss him so much, I too wish they could let us know they are ok.  There are lots of people on here going through the same terrible time who will offer support.  Sending love to you Debbie xxxxxx

Hi debbie, how are you havnt heard off you in a while i feel ok at the moment health wise ,got to go the hospital next month  to see about my breathing me and the kids just having a quite xmas dinner we will go to the crem  to put flowers on my parents grave ,we will put some flowers in a vase for my hubby ,it is my hubbys birthday on the 27 dec  might go for a walk weather permiting  to a place called spike island my hubby used to like watching the mersey from there .  Take care  have a peaceful xmas  will be thinking of you  Syl x

Hi Syl

Understand that weird feeling you speak off.  No matter how much length of time has passed I too have times when it feels like only yesterday since I lost hubby and then other days when I realise how far I have come as a widow.  Life can never be the same but on the good days I manage okay.  I have sort of accepted the difficult times as normal given the circumstances surrounding deep loss (not sure that will ever feel different to be honest).

Certainly has been a chilly few days though love the bright sunshine that goes with it so have managed a walk every day. I have to admit to not liking being indoors all day long so work the walks into my forward planning whenever I can.  Today have done usual 2 miles to visit my Mum though I caught the bus back before going to the gym.

My holiday destination is Jersey and my last visit there was over 42 years ago and before we were married so expect to see some changes.  Having chosen a hotel in the capital with good amenities hope this will help.  Just will be fingers crossed for summer weather!!

Glad you enjoyed catching up with your  son.  I usually see mine around once or twice a month and once my daughter and family move will not see her quite as often as I do now but will still chat regularly(or text which they prefer these days).  Of course our big get together will be next month for my son's wedding and we are spending two days at the hotel so quality time over the celebrations. Nerves and emotions both pretty high for us all at the moment as you will understand.

Do take care and stay cosy.  Jules xx

Hi JULES just a  thought i would send you a e-mail before the week end  have just come back in after seeing one of my  friends for a coffee, its cold here again, but still took george out for a walk.your sons wedding will be something to look forward to  even though  it will be bitter sweet im sure hubby will be  with you in spirit. ,and it will be nice to spend a few days  in a hotel  being waited on.im sure you will enjoy your holiday in Jersey its surposed to be very nice  i think my brother in law and his wife have been a few times, i will have to ask them. not doing much at the week end , will do the  big garden bird watch tomorrow hopefully and  post my results on line. i am going out with the kids Sunday for dinner  as we havnt been out   for a while . hope  Debbie ok not heard off her since xmas .  Have  a nice wk end  regards Syl x

Hi Syl

Hope you enjoy the meal with your children tomorrow.  It looks as though we have a respite from the very cold weather and now have wet and windy mild spell forecast. Busy today in and out with shops etc so will hope to complete my birdwatch hour tomorrow after gym visit.  Certainly during the cold snap the feeders were emptied pretty quickly but have already noticed a difference thismorning as there was no frost and the ground feeders are pulling worms from the garden.  First time I had seen a blackbird for a while.

No visiting or visitors planned for this week but then who knows what might occur as sometimes family will just drop by if in the area.

I have been to Jersey but it was 42 years ago; in fact the year before we became engaged and my biggest memory is of our B&B landlady telling my other half that we ought to make sure I did not get away!!  I am sure I will see plenty of changes to the very quiet place it was then but I thought a good base for a relaxing break with all amenities on hand and lots of walking routes to enjoy.

The countdown to the wedding is really on now and everyone is looking forward to the celebrations.  My only worry is for  the bride's parents as they are going ski-ing (it will be her Mum's first time) just before the event so hope there are no misfortunes there!!  My son has his stag do next weekend with half a dozen mates but he and baby Darcey are both dealing with colds at the moment so sleep deprivation is something of an issue.........the joys of parenthood.

Well time is moving on so will answer rest of my mail and then get on with the day.  I am hoping too that Debbie is managing okay but sometimes people find they need the forum less as time passes. I find it good to still chat with my forum buddies even though it is obviously now more general chat. I hope she is keeping well. 

Take care. Jules xx

Hi Jules, had my meal with the kids we went to a cavery near where we live it was  ok but not very hot. I did my bird watch  Sunday  and e -mailed my results, i see you did it as well, so did my daughter we  are all nature lovers.i have felt very tearful  these last couple of days (i dont even know why ) i only  have to look at his picture, or some thing comes in to my head and it starts me off,maybe its because its coming up to  12 month i dont really know why. Went to my friendship group yesterday  ,we had a auction of all our unwanted xmas presents, i ended up with a neckless which i will probable never were and a candle i will  never light, the charity shop will  benefit from them.   Lets hope your sons future in laws stay upright on the slopes  it would be awful if they were on crutches and in plaster for the big day ,you will have to keep your fingers crossed.i am going my swimming aerobics to night ,didnt go last  week as she was on holiday, hope the water is warm sometimes it can be quite cold which isnt very nice .had george out  its mild here at the moment but overcast and damp the weather dosnt  help when your feeling a bit down. Take care regards Syl x

Hi Debbie, sorry your feeling down i have  cried a lot this week, i dont  even know why . please try and go  out even if  its just  to your local town have a mooch round the shops  and have a coffee, i dont think Sam would  wont you to shut your  self away  he would wont you to be happy again.why dont you ring Bereavement Support they must be in the phone book or on line , they have a counseller in   a church near where i live once a week  on a Saturday i have been a few times   they just listen  you can cry and they understand because they have been threw it.and they have outings  and go out for lunch , i havnt felt the need to join in , but i could  if i needed to .it might do you good  just to ring  them even if its only  to chat on the phone  take care look after your self  Syl x

Bless you Debbie,   this is not you being boring but about the heavy weight that grief can bring,  There are no time restraints on how different people take to move forward little by little.  It's over two years since I lost hubby and I still have down days and manage on a day to day basis.  I accept that my life is totally different now but it cannot take away the memories or wishing it could all be so different.  I have built a routine of sorts which is probably a kind of coping mechanism.

  The forum became part of my routine during hubby's cancer journey and I still have it as my support network.  It may seem like a virtual world but I find it easier to talk things through here than with some of my friends though I appreciate their kindness and support. I am also playing a supporting role with my kids/grandkids who still miss their Dad, Grandad daily but we talk openly about the good times despite the emotional 'leakage'.  The tears probably say more than words ever can.

If nothing else we have mutual understanding of the sadness, bewilderment and grief that comes with loss and you always know where to chat if you feel the need.  In the meantime sending hugs that you may find some peace.  Take care. Jules xxx

Hi Syl

Quite honestly dont think we need a reason to feel tearful at times. It even still takes me by surprise when emotions catch up with me; silly really.  With the first anniversary of your husband's passing getting closer you are probably remembering and wondering where the time has gone and how you are managing now.  Sometimes it still feels like yesterday when my life changed, litterally overnight, even though I had known it would come.  Life's journey certainly brings its ups and downs and I suppose we just roll with the waves so to speak.

All good with the bride to be's parents so far but am sure there will be a sigh of relief all round once they are back. I had a message from my son and fiancee yesterday evening asking if it was okay with the family to have a fundraiser at the wedding (guess the length of the speeches) with the money going to the asbestos charity that helped us upon diagnosis. So proud and yes emotional all over again and also a good way to bring something positive into the celebrations. I know my son want's to keep his speech short and sweet so we can enjoy the meal so now I am wondering how best to gauge my 'guess'.

Hope the water is warm for you tonight and am sure the charity shops will appreciate any donations.Love the swapping idea at your friendship group though and perhaps some were luckier than others!  The only thing I have given away was some chcocolates I bought but which did not get opened..........the gym has an amnesty and then donates to local lunch clubs/homes. 

My treat to myself this week was a pedicure yesterday (a lot more relaxing than doing it myself) and then today I have visited my Mum and been to the gym - usual Tuesday routine.  Now to get through the two work days.

Take care and hope George appreciates his lovely friend taking him walkies.  Jules xx

Hi Jules, i am sat in my pyjamas watching the telly so thought i would send you a e-mail  its a lovely jesture you son  has made to donate money to the asbestos charity  at there wedding i am sure people will think it is a good idea.i dont feel to bad at the moment, its funny how feelings take over  and you feel  sad all over again then it  passes till the next  time. dont think i am doing much sat  might go to the garden centre for bird food , my sister might nip down  as well .your pedicure sounded nice its something i have never tried it looks very relaxing  when you see it done on the telly.my son is still working in London me and my daughter are going to his on Sunday for dinner, he does a nice Sunday lunch. also my daughter is taking 3 month off work to persue other things  she is going to to some  voluntary work  at an animal  charity near where she lives, also she is doing an MVQ for work  so she is  finishing that off. i am  helping her with her bills so she can do it.she is hopeing to fit a holiday in as well .have a nice weekend  regards Syl x

Hi Syl,

Good that you felt ok and comfy when you last posted. Emotions are strange as they seem to catch you unwares at times.  I had a few 'weary' days last week but am okay just now so maybe turned another corner!

Had a good day with my daughter and grandsons yesterday and was out to lunch which is always enjoyable. After an early breakfast and the gym this morning I walked to our local Farmers'Market and enjoyed a freshly brewed coffee in the old barn (free newspaper to read too).  Been there about 15mins when my daughter and the boys strolled in so we wandered the stalls together and they chose their favourite cheeses and locally produced jams/fudge to take home.  Little Zack also had his face painted before they settled down to play at the lego table for a bit whilst daughter and I sat and nattered before setting back towards home.  As it's over a mile and the boys had walked there, they caught the bus home as my daughter had also done some supermarket shopping.  I left them at the bus stop and walked back home.  Dry and cold but very pleasant way to spend the morning.

Hope you enoy the meal at your son's and how lovely that you are in a position to help with your daughter's three months break from work; I hope she achieves all she sets out to do in that time.

My daughter and family are still waiting to hear when their moving date is  so that they can start the job of 'packing up' but the solictors/estate agents are aiming at end of this month or beginning of March which at least makes it the other side of the wedding.  Exciting times ahead for them.

Take care and sending hugs.  Jules xx 

Hi Syl,

Good that you felt ok and comfy when you last posted. Emotions are strange as they seem to catch you unwares at times.  I had a few 'weary' days last week but am okay just now so maybe turned another corner!

Had a good day with my daughter and grandsons yesterday and was out to lunch which is always enjoyable. After an early breakfast and the gym this morning I walked to our local Farmers'Market and enjoyed a freshly brewed coffee in the old barn (free newspaper to read too).  Been there about 15mins when my daughter and the boys strolled in so we wandered the stalls together and they chose their favourite cheeses and locally produced jams/fudge to take home.  Little Zack also had his face painted before they settled down to play at the lego table for a bit whilst daughter and I sat and nattered before setting back towards home.  As it's over a mile and the boys had walked there, they caught the bus home as my daughter had also done some supermarket shopping.  I left them at the bus stop and walked back home.  Dry and cold but very pleasant way to spend the morning.

Hope you enoy the meal at your son's and how lovely that you are in a position to help with your daughter's three months break from work; I hope she achieves all she sets out to do in that time.

My daughter and family are still waiting to hear when their moving date is  so that they can start the job of 'packing up' but the solictors/estate agents are aiming at end of this month or beginning of March which at least makes it the other side of the wedding.  Exciting times ahead for them.

Take care and sending hugs.  Jules xx 

Hi Jules ,glad you had a lovely time at the farmers market with your family , i like going to those markets you can get some lovely cheeses and meats from them .had dinner at my sons it was very nice .today Monday  the weather is lovely took george out  for his walk , just watching telly at the moment ,going to my aerobics class later on .have also booked a holiday in July with my friend  on a coach trip to  Bournmouth its with shearings, but i dont know wether i have done the right thing,i feel a bit apprehensive  but the kids and my sister have said  i should go i have booked separate rooms ,at least i can go to my room and have  a cry if ifeel sad  and it wont  embarrass any one  enjoy your week  regards Syl x

Hi Syl

I too came back from the Farmers' Market with cheese (a big weakness of mine!!). I go to the same stall usually twice a month and am now on their 'good deals' list as he often rounds the prices down.

Glad you had a nice lunch with your son and made the most of the nice weather by taking George for his walk.  What breed is he?

Hope the aerobics class went well; it is nice to be able to socialise when you feel up to it.  I sometimes think I exercise my mouth more than my body when I go to the gym but then I am not the only one.

I certainly felt aprehensive when I started taking even day trips but going with a friend gives you someone to talk to so is a shared experience and as you say if you feel like your own company you can pop to your room.  Bournemouth has plenty to offer (have spent a good few weekends there over the years) and my son has just returned from having his stag weekend down there (I doubt we would be interest in quad biking and shooting though haha).  I love sitting in the Winter Gardens and watching the world go by.  I have now had three holidays with the children which were lovely but my next hurdle will be my solo trip to Jersey in June (still aprehensive but also loooking forward to it, if that makes sense).  I like to think that if my mother at aged 83 could go on a coaching holiday by herself then I should manage too.

I have now finished work for 2 weeks and have this weekend free at the moment so no sure what I will do though suspect it will depend on the weather which is supposed to be pretty cold.

Take care and hope you are having a peaceful week.  Jules xx

Hi Jules, just come back from my daughters after having Sunday lunch  with her ,went to a lovely garden centre yesterday with her , its masive they sell clothes, toys, kitchen things  as well as a pet centre  and other things, we were there for about  3 hrs we had  a coffee in the cafe as well,managed to buy my self a couple of jumpers  and my daughter some gloves and bits and  pieces as she has booked a holiday called Trek America where  you  go round the  parks camping and doing other things, i didnt wont her to go  as she meets up with the others in L A, so she is on her own till   then im a born worrier  so dont feel happy about  her going . hope you enjoy your time off work its nice to have time to your self with out   looking at the clock  all the time.  im glad you have a chat  at the gym sometimes its  good to have a natter  while you exersice sometimes i  spend to much time on my own,at least i have my Friendship group  tomorrow, we are going to a local  pub  in the morning for tea and  toast  they also do a good breakfast as well which they serve till 2 0 clock  the weather here at the moment is really cold it is surpposed to be warming up this week  we live in hope. so hopefullygeorge will have a few good walks this week he his a jet black spaniel  you can picture him  now i have told you what he looks like.enjoy you week off regards Syl x

Hi Syl

Your garden centre trip sounds very similar to where I went yesterday so maybe a similar chain! I was there with my future daughter in law's Mum and we enjoyed a coffee followed by a wander around all the different retail outlets (I bought a new pair of trainers) which we then loaded in her car.  By this time is was lunch time so we returned to the on site restaurant and had lunch together too. With the wedding on Friday there was plenty to chat about.  We then popped to see her daughter and our grand daughter for about an hour and Imarvel at how cool, calm and collected she is but then she is a great list maker and organiser.  Hoping for a dry day for us all of course.

Hope you had a good time at the Friendship Club and with the improved weather no doubt George is getting his walks too.  He sounds lovely.  I have never owned a dog but hubby's family always had one and his brother still has two, a German Shepherd and a Husky. 

It is lovely to spend time with your children and you will miss your daughter when she goes travelling but I bet she will be in contact regularly with exciting news of her journey. When does she go?  I do think as Mothers we would always worry when things are outside our control.  I remember when my daughter had her first holiday without us at only 17 but o course she was fine and had a fab time meeting people of similar ages and all part of life experiences. I have never been to America though my hubby travelled there on business many times.

Visited my Mum today and then was at the gym, a pretty routine day but was perked up by seeing my crocuses in full bloom when I came back; surprising how quickly they react to a day of sun like yesterday. Is my daughter's birthday today and so tomorrow we are both going to get our nails done for the wedding so will hear all about her gifts and the meal out she had with my son in law and the boys for lunch. Seems hard to believe she is 35 and my son will be 32 next week. I do wonder where the time goes sometimes and then at other times it feels just like yesterday.

Well, best stop rambling and answer some more mail.  Take care. Jules x

Hi jules,  hope your feeling calm  about the wedding it is surpposed to be a  nice few days so you might have a nice sunny day ,it is a nice day here took george out for a nice walk  just sat having a coffee now. my garden is looking a bit of a mess at the moment im not very good at growing things, hubby used to chop away at things but they always  seemed to grow  back again. my daughter goes away the begining of April till the end of April not sure of the exact dates yet. i also wonder where the time goes my son is  44 in August  and my daughter is 39 in march . Dont know what  im doing at week end  not got anything planned for Saturday, Sunday going out  for Sunday dinner  with my sister as its her birthdayhope she likes her present. I am going to sit  and  relax now and read my local paper for half an hour have a lovely  time at your sons wedding hope all goes well  spk to you soon regards Syl x

Hi Syl

Absolutely, the weather was amazing for the wedding so lots of nice pictures outside the venue as well as inside.  Am very pleased to say that my deep breathing techniques (been practicing for weeks)came in handy and we all had a wonderful celebration.  It was a relatively small and intimate gathering and getting there the day before really helped settle the nerves.  There were the usual 'damp eyes' from quite a few guests during the speeches and even watching the bride enter with her Dad (he had their daughter Darcey on his other arm as they walked in).  So many beautiful memories made and will be re-lived through the pictures thats for sure.  Hubby would have been so proud to have seen them 'cement' their relationship in marriage but am glad he saw it grow (they have been together 8 years).

Hope you had a nice time with your sister on her birthday and I am sure she loved the gift y ou had chosen.

So your daughter has a little while before she heads off on her travels and hopefully by then our weather may be a little more settled.  As to gardening it's pot luck in mine too as do not consider myself green fingered.  I prefer the sit down and read in it scenario ha ha.  I have mainly lawn and the beds have lots of shrubs that are donkeys years old (could really do with replacing a few!!) but virtually look after themselves.  Still too wet to do any mowing but at least I could get the washing dry outside today as it was lovely.

Went to see my daughter's proposed new home on Sunday so now have that to get emotionally excited about.  Next weekend away is about 3 weeks away with friends but back down to earth on Wednesday when I return to work after my break.

Hope you are keeping well and bet George is loving the warm weather walkies. Take care, Jules xx

Hi jules, glad all went well with the wedding, and you had  good weather as well must be a good omen. its nice when  things go to plan. Im sure hubby would have been  proud  and happy  that it all went  well. I bet it was hard to go back to work  i know when i had time off i never felt like going back ,but i bet every one thinks that ,at least you can look forward to your holiday now. I have just come back after taking george out, not had him out for a few days as the weather as been  bad  but not as bad as some parts of the country  enjoyed my meal with my sister and she liked her birthday presents. think i am going my sons for dinner Sunday not sure what im  doing Saturday dont think the weather  is good.have a nice wk end  regards Syl x

Hi Syl

Glad your sister enjoyed her birthday and not at all surprised she was pleased with your thoughtful gifts.

You are right was not at all keen on getting back into work mode but it was only for two days and the cash comes in handy!!  Busy time of the month too as promotions were changing so no time to stand about ~(probably a good thing).

Hope you enjoy dinner with your son tomorrow.  I have no plans this weekend but my daughter and family popped in for an hour this afternoon to collect a few bits stored here.  As they do not want to take them when they move they are going to sell them/donate them so needed them at home.  If things go according to plan they are now looking at moving mid March (just need the solicitors to do their bit!!). 

Son and daughter in law back from their 3 days honeymoon (bumpy landing in London due to Storm Doris) and will be back to work next week.  Am looking forward to seeing the official photos when they go 'live' but they need to make their own choices yet.  I have a few of my own and have used an on line company to make them into a postcard album which I can give to my Mum as a keepsake (she was not well enough to be at the wedding itself) and the staff can use it in conversations with her. 

The weather is all over the place.  Lovely yesterday, dull and drizzly this afternoon and outlook tomorrow not great either.  Will have to keep myself amused somehow as long walk unlikely.  Maybe I will take bus/tube into town after my gym visit.  Take care  Jules xx

Hi  Jules, glad your nice and busy at work the time passes when your on the go its always good to keep  active .hope your son enjoyed his honeymoon, where did they go?its nice to get away even if its only for a few days me and hubby never had a honeymoon , we moved straight into a flat above a Butchers shop where my hubby worked, when he moved jobs 3yrs later we bought our first house. the weather is awful here as well not took george out this week we have had rain mixed with snow, enjoyed dinner with my son and daughter Sunday , i am going to the crem wednesday  with my sister as it is my mums birthday so will put flowers in her  plot in the grass, hope the weather improves we are going to get  wet  if this rain  carries on. enjoy your week regards Syl x

Hi Syl

My son and daughter in law enjoyed their 'mini moon'.  They had three days in the Cairngorms at a place called Ballater and spent much of the time walking in the wonderful scenery.  It snowed on their last day and they flew back in the midst of Storm Doris (delayed a few hours) but from the pictures on facebook they had a lovely time.  Not yet spoken to them but they are both back at work now as life returns to usual routine.

Weather certainly curtailing some of my walks but met a friend out for coffee on Monday and visited Mum and the gym yesterday before having another friend round for the afternoon.  I am into work for the next couple of days and really wish it was nice enough to get among the spring flowers in the garden but still far to wet to do much other than tidy and fill the bird feeders again.  It is supposed to be the first day of the meteorological Spring but looks pretty dull and damp outside.  Poor George will be missing his walkies with you just as much as you do I expect.  At least I am away for a three day break in a week's time so looking forward to that.

Right, need to wash up before setting up so will send you (and Debbie)  good wishes for a pleasant day. Take cate. Jules xx