Sorry you are feeling low, I do know what you mean I have been calmer for a few weeks but can feel that cloud coming over again. I am a step closer to sorting Sam's ashes I know where to put them now just need to make the arrangements, but his brother wants me to wait until September, as that is when he is visiting (lives in Canada), which is ok but would like to have done it sooner. Things can be different each day and different things can 'set you off' at the moment for me it is Wimbledon - Sam loved it and it just is not the same watching it without him I miss his lovely smiling face so much.
Its perfectly natural that you will have these days though they do seem hard to cope with when they occur. Going to the memorial service at the crem would have completely reminded you of all that your husband you and the family have been through. When they invited me to a memorial service for those who had passed I decided, along with my children, that this was not something we needed to do. It was just a couple of weeks after I had been back to the crematorium for the funeral of one of my hubby's buddies and I had not coped well at all - just was totally overwhelmed and felt as though I was starting the grieving process anew. They are difficult times.
Be kind to yourself, crying gives us some release from all those held in emotions (we do insist on trying to put on a brave face but it catches up with us from time to time). Sending hugs. Jules xx
Sending you hugs too. Hubby did not share my love of Wimbledon (and yest I have been watching it when indoors) but understand where you are coming from as we always watched Formula 1 together and even the intro music has an affect on me still. Joint activities are the things you often miss the most and for us they were pretty special moments because he travelled on business quite a lot and enjoying quiet times in front of the tv is what he enjoyed when he was home. During my first year of widowhood I found my concentration (tv/books etc) was very hit and miss but in the last few months I have begun to get my mind back in focus and am playing catch up with my stack of novels. I tend to have music on more now too.
Hi Debbie, its me again still feel a bit down maybe its the time of year , every one going away and planning things together .me and hubby didnt watch sport on TV , we watched tipping point and the chase it was funny shouting at the TV when they did things wrong its not the same on your own . take care Syl x
Hi Jules, still feel a bit down maybe the time of year when everyone going away and you feel left behind plus the weather isnt that good at the moment. wont to mow my lawns but the grass is to wet .My friend who lost her husband 6yrs ago said she feels like i do many times, you just have to keep going and carry on like they would wont you to regards Syl x
Like you frustrated that we are not getting much of a summer so far and my lawn is resembling a mini meadow with clover, buttercups and daisies!! Needless to say looks lovely but needs mowing.grrr.
I like quiz programmes too (including tipping point,the chase or sometimes pointless/eggheads on the other channel) and often pick up info which can come in useful when I tackle crosswords!
I feel no surprise that you are having down times (hindsight coming into play I suppose)as I think bereavement brings so many emotions, some of which we may never have felt so strongly before. We have a big gap where hubby used to be in our lives and I personally feel it is a very slow process to both accept that loss and 'map out' a coping mechanism.
It is eighteen months tomorrow since my hubby passed away and of course I still feel the sadness of his loss and the life we shared. The only real difference now is that I find comfort in knowing his suffering (both physically but also his mental withdrawal from those around him) is at an end having lived with his terminal diagnosis for nearly 3 years. My inner strength now is there because of the life we shared and knowing that he would want our family to carry on in his memory. It is important to me (as it would have been to him) that our children and grandchildren enjoy the life we currently have. Feeling guilty that I can laugh and enjoy aspects of my life, despite my loss, takes some adjustment but time is helping. I cope by taking it one day at a time (sometimes still having to accept emotion is a part of the healing process - not easy for someone who got used to hiding it for my hubby's peace of mind) and not to expect too much of myself (my GP also explained that I had probably been grieving for the man I lost during his illness and I suppose she is correct). Widowhood is not easy but with understanding and support of friends and family the time comes when the coping becomes a more normal way forward. We carry those we have lost in our hearts and I like to think they would be proud of whatever we manage to do.
On a slightly humerous note my seven year old grandson still reckons I need to marry again, mainly to help with the washing up (like his Dad does with my daughter) but also to give me someone else to talk to. I have gently told him I am OK as I am but think there will be more comments to come!
Just off now to do the weekly shop as the sun is out and would prefer to do it in the dry and then another first - going to the local high street fun day alone. Be kind to yourself. Jules xx
HiJules, just read your e-mail it made me laugh at what your grandson said about you marrying again. cant seem to shake this feeling of sadness off went into town with my daughter she wanted a new pair of shoes as she is off out tonight.came home and cried all evening , it dosnt change any thing no matter how hard we wish things could be different ,its nice to know your enjoying life and getting on with things with family and friends.hope i havnt made you sad with my comments take care Syl x
I am not upset by your posts my dear as can understand them and your feelings. The forum is a good place to offload and have done so myself many a time I can assure you. Writing it down does not change anything but somehow sharing it makes you feel just a little less alone with your grief. I bet you were putting on the brave face whilst out shopping and sometimes that effort just boils over once back in the privacy of your own home.
I just went to the gym and then for a walk this morning as it was nice to get the sun on my face for a change. Came home and mowed the lawn before my daughter and family popped in for a short while. Have been watching the tennis in between pottering and managed to get the washing up to date. Maybe I will save the ironing for tomorrow evening when I have nothing much planned.
Maybe it is the time of year - I know exactly what you mean,I cannot imagine ever going on holiday without him ever and also agree watching Tv doesn't have the same pleasure either. It will be our Wedding Anniversary on Thursday it's so unfair
Hi Jules, have been feeling a bit better for a couple of days,i go to a swimming aerobics class twice a week but it finishes soon for summer have been going for a number of years now.iwill still go to bingo on a Wednesday with my friend some times i dont feel like going ,but im ok once i get there.am going to a summer fete on saturday hope it dosnt rain. regards Syl x
