Syliva, I am so very sorry for your loss, I know how it feels, my husband passed away in October and I miss him so much, I too wish they could let us know they are ok.  There are lots of people on here going through the same terrible time who will offer support.  Sending love to you Debbie xxxxxx

Hi Debbie not heard off you in a while  hope your ok ,been out with my son and daughter on different ocasions  over the week end, it was lovely to get out and about for a while im well aware im alwaye coming home to a empty house. regards syl

Hi Jules ,  on my own today had a cry this morning ,its good to keep busy it stops you thinking about  things that could have been.people tell me not to think like that but i cant help it ,its hard to think a bout  the future with out him as well so you cant win ,might take my self off to a garden centre later to get out for a bit   take care x Sylvia

Hi Syl,

Glad to hear there is another garden centre lover posting.  I have one about 2miles away which I walk to most free weekends and though I do not buy every time, I do find some peace in wandering amongst the flowers and during the first year of hubby's passing found it quite good therapy to be in the garden (sitting still for too long led to too much in depth thinking!!).  It has the added bonus of a good little cafe for a pick me up cup of tea/coffee and good supplies of wild bird food (I have a few feeding stations and love to watch the birds or take a few photos).

Always good to let the emotion out I think, as bottling it up just makes things worse.  Had a good few tears when Darcey was born both with the happiness she brings and the sadness that her paternal grandad will not have the pleasure of meeting her.  He had better be watching over them all.

This morning I had a manicure and then did my half hour gym circuit before heading off to town to food shop.  Have been back a little while now and been sitting for too long so am off for a late afternoon walk which should help my practise for upcoming 5K charity event.

Take care, Jules x

Hi jules , i enjoyed the garden centre bought a  few plants and had a coffee ,been a bit down for a few days , get fed up with my own company sometimes .  Life isnt  as happy has it used to be  and its  quite lonely now .keep up the good work with your running you must be fit .i coudnt run for toffee regards Syl .

Hi Syl

Glad you found some plants at the garden centre and you will benefit from seeing them in your own garden. I spent a lot of time in the garden during the first  six/nine months after I lost hubby as found it good therapy to be concentrating on something I enjoyed (and was always more my space as my husband travelled away for his job). Being an only child, and having few relatives on my side of the family (hubby's siblings moved to the Isle of Man three weeks before he died so do not see them much) I suppose I was used to spending time on my own but did and still do miss hubby (and probably always will).  Am lucky that at the moment the children are fairly close and with the arrival of baby Darcey we are in touch regularly via technology!! but I want them to enjoy their own lives, as we did ours during the years we were together.  Time, and life, is so precious and I have learnt the hard way that I need to make the most of my time, however the future turns out.  I still take one day at a time and no longer expect too much of myself so if I have an emotional day or days sobeit. 

I hope you will, in time, find things a little easier and I know our men would be proud of us, though to be honest think mine would  be laughing at the fact that I chose to have a new kitchen 'at my age' and when I am not a particularly good cook!!!  Still the house was a bit dated and in need of some TLC so another project which gave me focus.

Take care and be kind to yourself.  Jules x

Hi jules,glad your ok its nice to hear your doing well and getting on with things, think i have got a way to go yet  i seem ok for a few days  then  feel sad  and cry .i am also not a good cook, i was lucky my hubby would eat anything he wasnt a fussy eater good job really .lol  take care Syl  x

Hi Syl

My family do not think there is much wrong with my cooking it is just that I do not enjoy it much and never have (take after my Mum!!).  Far happier laying out a buffet and taking the lazy route.  Still the for charity coffee morning I did rustle up a couple of cakes which passed muster and I make rock cakes for my son aat the weekend which he liked.  Perhaps the electric cooker is going to be my new friend!

My emotions can still catch me out and I think we just have to accept that this is a natural part of mourning the loss of our loved ones.  Still hard though when you think about things for too long.  I have got into the habit of keeping a few jobs back so that when a 'moment' hits me I allow the tears to come and go and then focus on the job in hand. Needless to say  have a pile of ironing awaiting the next melt down.  My housework always comes out better if I have an emotional outburst - not doubt a bit of anger thrown in as I clean.

  I have no doubt that next weekend will be hard for my children as Father's Day arrives again even though they will be helping their own families celebrate. It is over 8 years since my own Dad passed away with prostate/lung cancer but that does not stop me feeling sad about it.

Right had best start thinking about dinner and get the bits and bobs I need out of the fridge ready for the oven - stuffed mushrooms tonight.

Be kind to yoruself and take care.  Jules x

HI JULES ,glad you ok i havnt been to bad this week  me and the kids are going to the river seven on Sunday , my husband wanted his ashes  thrown in  there it was one of the rivers he loved to fish. im sure there will be a few tears as well as laughter  as we remanice.his favourite tipple was whiskey  we will  have a tot and remember the good times we had over the years.take care Syl x

Hi Syl

I know there will be mixed emotions when you and the family carry out your husband's wishes at the River Severn this Sunday but think it is a beautiful choice he made.  A couple of coincidences in what you write as my hubby loved to fish (sea and river/lake) and was also a lover of Whiskey.  I have never been a fan of either but do keep a bottle of his favourite tipple in my new kitchen (small comfort to me) and share it with his best buddy when he and his wife visit. Good memories of times spent together.  Hope the sun shines for you too. Take care  Jules x

Hi jules, went to the seven  as planned everything went well even the weather was lovely, we all had a tot of whiskey, we even went  for a walk along the pathway under the famous  iron bridge , after our walk  we went in one of the pubs for sunday lunch. Hope  my hubby  was happy with what we did ,it was one of his last wishes  to have his ashes scattered on the seven. my hubby also liked canal / lake fishing, he wasnt keen on sea fishing , im sure he will be fishing  and having a tot  of whiskey  where ever he his i hope so  regards Syl x

Hi Syl

So pleased all went well on Sunday and I think your husband would be very proud that you and the family were able to carry out his wishes. Good that the weather played ball too. The occasion sounded so peaceful and despite the emotions that it no doubt brought with it I am pleased you could celebrate his memory this way. Take care Jules xx

Hi Syl

So pleased all went well on Sunday and I think your husband would be very proud that you and the family were able to carry out his wishes. Good that the weather played ball too. The occasion sounded so peaceful and despite the emotions that it no doubt brought with it I am pleased you could celebrate his memory this way. Take care Jules xx

Hi Jules , yes the day went well it was nice to full fill  his wish , dont feel to bad at the moment i talk to him all the time  i have a lovely big photo of him in the bedroom  which i kiss every time i go into the room, like Debbie there are some pictures of him  i cant bring my self to look at yet  they are the last ones we took of him i know i would cry  if i saw them . take care Syl x

Hi Jules, just a quick e mail, hope your ok not been to good for a few days  seem to  cry  for no  reason, went to a memorial  service  at the crem  where we had my husbands service it was very moving and sad  hope i  feel better  soon  regards Syl x

Hi Syl,

Its perfectly natural that you will have these days though they do seem hard to cope with when they occur. Going to the memorial service at the crem would have completely reminded you of all that your husband you and the family have been through.  When they invited me to a memorial service for those who had passed I decided, along with my children, that this was not something we needed to do.  It was just a couple of weeks after I had been  back to the crematorium for the funeral of one of my hubby's buddies and I had not coped well at all - just was totally overwhelmed and felt as though I was starting the grieving process anew.  They are difficult times. 

Be kind to yourself, crying gives us some release from all those held in emotions (we do insist on trying to put on a brave face but it catches up with us from time to time).  Sending hugs.  Jules xx

Hi Jules, still feel a bit down maybe the time of year when everyone going away and you feel left behind plus the weather isnt that good at the moment. wont to mow my lawns but the grass is to wet .My friend who lost her husband 6yrs ago said she feels like  i do  many times, you just have to keep going and carry on like they would wont you to  regards Syl x

Hi Syl

Like you frustrated that we are not getting much of a summer so far and my lawn is resembling a mini meadow with clover, buttercups and daisies!!  Needless to say looks lovely but needs mowing.grrr.

I like quiz programmes too (including tipping point,the chase or sometimes pointless/eggheads on the other channel) and often pick up info which can come in useful when I tackle crosswords!

I feel no surprise that you are having down times (hindsight coming into play I suppose)as I think bereavement brings so many emotions, some of which we may never have felt so strongly before. We have a big gap where hubby used to be in our lives and I personally feel it is a very slow process to both accept that loss and 'map out' a coping mechanism.

It is eighteen months tomorrow since my hubby passed away and of course I still feel the sadness of his loss and the life we shared.  The only real difference now is that I find comfort in knowing his suffering (both physically but also his mental withdrawal from those around him) is at an end having lived with his terminal diagnosis for nearly 3 years.  My inner strength now is there because of the life we shared and knowing that he would want our family to carry on in his memory. It is important to me (as it would  have been to him) that our children and grandchildren enjoy the life we currently have. Feeling guilty that I can laugh and enjoy aspects of my life, despite my loss, takes some adjustment but time is helping. I cope by taking it one day at a time (sometimes still having to accept emotion is a part of the healing process - not easy for someone who got used to hiding it for my hubby's peace of mind)  and not to expect too much of myself (my GP also explained that I had probably been grieving for the man I lost during his illness and I suppose she is correct). Widowhood is not easy but with understanding and support of friends and family  the time comes when the coping becomes a more normal way forward. We carry those we have lost in our hearts and I like to think they would be proud of whatever we manage to do.

On a slightly humerous note my seven year old grandson still reckons I need to marry again, mainly to help with the washing up (like his Dad does with my daughter) but also to give me someone else to talk to.  I have gently told him I am OK as I am but think there will be more comments to come!

Just off now to do the weekly shop as the sun is out and would prefer to do it in the dry and then another first - going to the local high street fun day alone. Be kind to yourself. Jules xx

HiJules, just read your e-mail it made me laugh at what your grandson  said  about you marrying again. cant seem to shake this  feeling of  sadness off  went into town with my daughter she wanted a new pair of shoes as she is off out tonight.came home and cried  all evening , it dosnt change any thing no matter how hard we wish things could  be different ,its nice to know your enjoying life and getting on with  things  with family and friends.hope i havnt made you sad with my comments take care Syl x

Hi Syl

I am not upset by your posts my dear as can understand them and your feelings. The forum is a good place to offload and have done so myself many a time I can assure you. Writing it down does not change anything but somehow sharing it makes you feel just a little less alone with your grief.  I bet you were putting on the brave face whilst out shopping and sometimes that effort just boils over once back in the privacy of your own home.

I just went to the gym and then for a walk this morning as it was nice to get the sun on my face for a change. Came home and mowed the lawn before my daughter and family popped in for a short while. Have been watching the tennis in between pottering and managed to get the washing up to date. Maybe I will save the ironing for tomorrow evening when I have nothing much planned.

Take care, Jules x

Hi Jules, have been feeling a bit better for a couple of days,i go to a swimming aerobics class twice a week but it finishes soon for summer have been going  for a number of years now.iwill still go to bingo on a Wednesday with my friend some times i dont  feel like going ,but im  ok once i get there.am going to a summer fete on saturday hope it dosnt rain. regards Syl x