Hi Naomi

Really sorry that you find yourself here.

It's sadly not that unusual for someone to only last a short time after a diagnosis of serious lung cancer - Rob is on one of the other threads here: www.cancerresearchuk.org/.../coming-home-to-die who lost his father about a month after dignosis of stage 4 lung cancer I know he feels very similar to the way you do.

You certainly need to find people to talk to because it really does help. When my wife died I went and visited all of her friends and sat down with them and told them the story and it really helped.

If you have trouble doing that or finding people to listen there's always us here - we've gone through very similar experiences and are in different stages of grieving - some people are still very raw as you are and others like me are just starting to come out the other side.

There is an "other side" it may not feel like it now but trust me there is.

it can help telling people on line too. You can type and type and really it doesn't even matter if nobody is listening (although almost always someone will reply and tell you it'll all be OK).

I'm guessing that the funeral was a week or two ago and you're in that really bad patch that comes after the funeral where everybody goes back to their normal lives and you feel this big aching chasm in yours that feels very not normal indeed - I found that apart from the immediate day or two after that was the hardest time.

I often tell people that at this time no matter how sensible and rational you are your mind tries to beat you up a lot. You find yourself dwelling and obsessing on the most painful memories, when you last saw her, her passing if you were with her or regrets things you wish you'd done - it's like a tongue coming back to a sore tooth. If like me you find yourself doing that you have to break the cycle - you're not strong enough to do that yet. You have to develop strategies, things to do when you find yourself thing like that, mulling over it. Do a job, phone a friend, walk the job go to the gym whatever it may be for you

Talking about it with friends- good, sitting stewing about it -bad!

In time you'll be able to remember these things but not now - right now your mind is not your friend and you need to show it who's boss!

I hope that makes sense in some crazy sort of way it's very much helped me in my recovery hopefully it may help you too.

Hi NaomiM

Welcome to Cancer Chat and sorry about your mum.

As you can see, there are some great people here who will be willing to support you at this difficult time.

Please come and share your feelings whenever you feel it might help.

Best wishes

Jane

NaomiM I am so sorry for your loss.  My mother passed away Feb 15th from pancreatic cancer, she too was my best friend.  There is no right or wrong way to feel, grief comes in waves but the waves do not cause you to sink - you still float.  Just keep floating and stay strong xx

Hi , 

As Graham has pointed out the very same thing has happened to me , I list my Dad on Tuesday, it's still sinking in, been to register his death today which has now made it all very real , he was my dad, friend and hero. I list a great man, 1 of the last things he said to me was I must live on in his memory . All you can do is take 1 day at a time , I'm sure it gets easier, the memories you have can never be taken from you .

Take care and god speed 

Rob 

Wow 1 month. My dad died 10 months after diagnosis and I thought that was quick. I can't imagine how your feeling, how your live could be turned upside down so quickly. There isn't anything any one can say to ease your pain. Just know that I am so so sorry for your loss. 

Hi Naomi, I'm so sorry that you've lost your beloved  mum. I went through similar back in November and I am still struggling to get my head around it. It's hard to believe when it's so fast isn't it? The most accurate analogy for grief I've heard so far is a comparison with the sea - some days your grief will be rough and stormy and it will consume you but you will keep afloat and there will be days of calm acceptance where the Sun shines and you can smile at things. It's so up and down, I've also not spoken to my partner or friends much, but I've found myself here tonight so I think I want to talk to others who have been through it. My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and died 4 days later, which was 10 days after I'd arrived in Spain to see him. Just know Naomi that there are no set timescales for grief, and don't ever feel like you should be 'over it' by a certain point in time, I think when you lose someone so precious that you never get over it but you just learn to live alongside it. Massive hugs to you and everyone else who is missing their beloved family members xxxxx

hi everyone

Sorry to hear about your loss my husband passed away April of last year not to cancer but he was my rock as I had cancer operation December 2013 and he helped me get threw it as I had a bad 6 months it got to the point I could not even keep water down and I was just skin and bone but he was there for me I go for check ups every three months and so far OK. I am starting to feel a little better about my life now begining to go out and meeting people it will come to you all in time. Best wishes to you all

Hi flychick

I lost my son to pancreatic cancer, liver cancer and bone cancer on the 2nd January 2016.  He was only 39 and left behind two children of 13 and 11. 

He had Chronic Pancreatis for about 20 months but then three days before he died they said he had Cancer everywhere.  At the moment I gathering all his medical notes together.

I am devasted as my grandkids wont speak to me anymore either and their mum was my sons ex partner.

I cant stop crying and there is controvescy over the Ashes now.  I really dont know which way to turn and I think my friends and family are getting fed up with me grieving.

Sally xxx

Sorry to hear that gingernut. Life is so cruel at times. I never knew how hard it would be to loose a parent prematurely. I feel like someone cut my heart out and left a hollow.