Hi Naomi

Really sorry that you find yourself here.

It's sadly not that unusual for someone to only last a short time after a diagnosis of serious lung cancer - Rob is on one of the other threads here: www.cancerresearchuk.org/.../coming-home-to-die who lost his father about a month after dignosis of stage 4 lung cancer I know he feels very similar to the way you do.

You certainly need to find people to talk to because it really does help. When my wife died I went and visited all of her friends and sat down with them and told them the story and it really helped.

If you have trouble doing that or finding people to listen there's always us here - we've gone through very similar experiences and are in different stages of grieving - some people are still very raw as you are and others like me are just starting to come out the other side.

There is an "other side" it may not feel like it now but trust me there is.

it can help telling people on line too. You can type and type and really it doesn't even matter if nobody is listening (although almost always someone will reply and tell you it'll all be OK).

I'm guessing that the funeral was a week or two ago and you're in that really bad patch that comes after the funeral where everybody goes back to their normal lives and you feel this big aching chasm in yours that feels very not normal indeed - I found that apart from the immediate day or two after that was the hardest time.

I often tell people that at this time no matter how sensible and rational you are your mind tries to beat you up a lot. You find yourself dwelling and obsessing on the most painful memories, when you last saw her, her passing if you were with her or regrets things you wish you'd done - it's like a tongue coming back to a sore tooth. If like me you find yourself doing that you have to break the cycle - you're not strong enough to do that yet. You have to develop strategies, things to do when you find yourself thing like that, mulling over it. Do a job, phone a friend, walk the job go to the gym whatever it may be for you

Talking about it with friends- good, sitting stewing about it -bad!

In time you'll be able to remember these things but not now - right now your mind is not your friend and you need to show it who's boss!

I hope that makes sense in some crazy sort of way it's very much helped me in my recovery hopefully it may help you too.

Hi Naomi

Really sorry that you find yourself here.

It's sadly not that unusual for someone to only last a short time after a diagnosis of serious lung cancer - Rob is on one of the other threads here: www.cancerresearchuk.org/.../coming-home-to-die who lost his father about a month after dignosis of stage 4 lung cancer I know he feels very similar to the way you do.

You certainly need to find people to talk to because it really does help. When my wife died I went and visited all of her friends and sat down with them and told them the story and it really helped.

If you have trouble doing that or finding people to listen there's always us here - we've gone through very similar experiences and are in different stages of grieving - some people are still very raw as you are and others like me are just starting to come out the other side.

There is an "other side" it may not feel like it now but trust me there is.

it can help telling people on line too. You can type and type and really it doesn't even matter if nobody is listening (although almost always someone will reply and tell you it'll all be OK).

I'm guessing that the funeral was a week or two ago and you're in that really bad patch that comes after the funeral where everybody goes back to their normal lives and you feel this big aching chasm in yours that feels very not normal indeed - I found that apart from the immediate day or two after that was the hardest time.

I often tell people that at this time no matter how sensible and rational you are your mind tries to beat you up a lot. You find yourself dwelling and obsessing on the most painful memories, when you last saw her, her passing if you were with her or regrets things you wish you'd done - it's like a tongue coming back to a sore tooth. If like me you find yourself doing that you have to break the cycle - you're not strong enough to do that yet. You have to develop strategies, things to do when you find yourself thing like that, mulling over it. Do a job, phone a friend, walk the job go to the gym whatever it may be for you

Talking about it with friends- good, sitting stewing about it -bad!

In time you'll be able to remember these things but not now - right now your mind is not your friend and you need to show it who's boss!

I hope that makes sense in some crazy sort of way it's very much helped me in my recovery hopefully it may help you too.