Hi I lost my 36yrs old daughter my only child this September 2018 to pancreatic cancer .She had been back and forth to her GPS for 2 years with burning feeling in stomach and yeast infections and cystitis like feelings ..had antibiotics ..blood tests ..liver function tests ..ultrasounds ..bladder tests ..then had a cyst on ovaries ..also had IBS or that's what she was told it was ..but she kept getting thrush like symptoms as well .the pain got worse and she got back pain as well GPS said it was gastritis gave her tablets etc we then took her to a&e she had blood in urine and pale stools and pain and itching ..they said jaundice and transferred here to another hospital she had a stent put in they thought gallstones she had mri..CT scan etc They found a mass on her pancreas and spots on her liver stage 4 they said could not operate but could have chemo ..to cut a long story short it took far too long to wait for biopsy 2 she had one failed ..she came home for two weeks and seemed brighter but pain etc Then she got acites in stomach and had to go back in for a drain etc again on morphine etc pain I wanted her to have chemo to try .she wanted to go into jospice for pain management which I did not want her to but they promised she could still go for chemo so reluctantly I agreed .at first it seemed to help pain on methodone but she would not come home ..she was losing lots of weight and not eating that we etc ..but alert .in till they used a sedation drug as well as morphine .which I did not want ..she was not the same after that ..we never got to chemo .didn't even see a oncologist and it was horrible to watch your daughter die like that not being able to talk but trying to ..from diagnosed in June 30th to Sept that's how quick she went ..I blame the GPS for not sending her for a CT earlier and I also think the hospitals are far too slow at treatment and that hospices also trick you into a false sense of hope and are too quick to use sedation drugs dissgissed as something to make you feel comfortable ..we are devastated ..lost without her my best friend and again that thing of too young to get it ..so mot true x

Re loss of adult child

hi. - I lost my only child in May last year.   She had neuroendocrine cancer which was very rare.  She had been backwards and forwards to gp loads of times - was even worried about cancer and told dr she was.   Dr said she was too young and would not look like she did with cancer.   Eventually she found out in a and e it was such a dreadful shock!   She had chemo - lost all her hair - a chemo tablet - her skin went yelow and hair went white - nuclear medicine for a year in a specialist hospital in London - nothing worked - she then lost all her hair again with another type of chemo - so I’ll all the time.    Then she did an American drug trial in London - we live 150 miles away from there and had to go every week for the trial - staying in hotels for one or two nights in central London.  The drug had never been tried on humans before just animals but she had no choice - they ran out of options - she was the first person in uk to go on it but  after 9 months they took her off it as things had progressed.   Her stomach swelled then her legs although her upper body got thin.   They said she should go for a week to a hospice to see if they could get rid of fluid - she got worse and worse and was there for six weeks and then couldn’t wake up and that was the end.   It was so dreadful.  3 years of dreadful suffering.   She lived at home - can’t bear to move anything - still have her  oats in the hall and shoes everywhere.  Same with her bedroom - so so difficult.  She loved her long dark hair but it never grew back properly - came back curly which she hated.  We have no one now!  She was all we had.  What can you do to get over it?

Saddened me to read you post and awful the way your daughter suffered. My heart goes out to you. I’m on hear due to having lung cancer but I’m one of the lucky ones. At this moment in time Cancer free. In the last 12 months I’ve lost my sister in law and my dearest friend to Lung Cancer.

I lost a son (my only child) many years ago ( not to Cancer) He was hit by a car on a country Road, just 15 at the time. I often wonder what he would have been up to if he was still here with us today. I try and stay positive and remember how blessed we were to have him in our lives and the good years we had. 

They say time is a great healer and up to a point it is, we never get over the loss of a child but learn to live on without them. My heart was broken and now has a crack that will never mend. 

Be Strong and try and find something good in each day, 

I lost my daughter aged 32 to acute myloid leukaemia on Christmas 2017.i have just returned from GP who seemed to think it strange that I feel this way after 28 months.i feel as bad as the day it happened if not worse .It doesn't go away , I was told it would cope better with time, nobody seems to understand.I feel all the joy has gone from my life so yes, i understand exactly how you feel and I'm so sorry for anybody else that feels the way i do. Xxx

Hi Paul.i have only just seen this sfter all this time, only today I have been worrying about the guilt .I've made myself I'll with the worry, signed off work, just cant cope with life.If you should see this post please know how grateful I have been today for your kind words.Thank you x

Thats ok i i ho its getting a bit easier you know sometime people just need to get it out and reply bit like a diary realy . Yes its that guilt that comes with the trouble is we need someone to blame or be angry at but in this case theres th one to blame so we blame ourselve seems to be part of the haealing process but dosnt it hurt and when you think back we knock ourselves out for no reason no matter how much we cared or looked after we will find some silly thing to blame ourselve for but its not real the shrinks call it false guilt thanks for teplying dont worry how long it took its a long lonely road but the pain does dwindle revards paul

We lost our daughter suddenly 3 years ago it was the most horrendous shock we never got to see her because she died suddenly abroad they said she was evidence when she was repatriated she had deteriorated so much we were advised not to see her. My brother died just before my daughter..... Then 18 months later our youngest daughter was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor it was devasting news she has two children then a few months ago my sister who had come to support my daughter was diagnosed with the same brain tumor only more advanced she had no idea and died 5 weeks later. My youngest daughter is in a hospice on end of life care and we have been told she will die soon. My husband has leukaemia but in remission we have been through hell the last 3 years we don't know how we will ever cope with the loss of both our children. Our grandchildren are amazing but will be devastated when their mummy dies we need to be strong but I don't know how we are going to get through this we both feel so guilty are children have died before us it's the most painful experience to endure. 

Hi there ...and welcome ...

Bless ya ... life can be beond crule ... I've had lots of family go through so much in the last 3 years ... to where I was wondering what I'd done to deserve so much heartache ... but now listening to you, I'm not alone ... looks like we've both had a raw deal .. 

Lost one to lung cancer... one young lass to cystic fibrosis... with a young daughter .. a sister from dementure .....4 of us with breast cancer... and now my young granddaughter has been going through acute myeloid leukaemia... just getting through her stem cell transplant... after complications ... 

So I hope now you know your not alone ... how do we cope... : ((  we just do ... we go on for those still here who need us ... 

Your grandkids will so need you now .. and through them, you'll never loose your daughter ... they are half of her ... she will live through them ... and I found trying every day to find one thing that makes me smile , gets me through ... we can't let it beat us ... but I've had days where I look at the whole picture and it overwhelmes me and I give in to the flood of tears ... and I cuss and I give myself permission to be angry for a little bit ... then I get my boxing gloves on and face the next day ...

I'm here quite a lot .. it does us good to know there's so many going through so much too .. and to know wer not alone ... we just have to reach out ... so if you want a buddy through this time, I'm here .. I've got strong shoulders ... just let me know and I'll send you a friend request ... only if that will help ..

Sending you a vertual hug... Chrissie x 

Thanks Chrisse glad we are not alone your sentiments helped so much my brother in laws cancer has spread to his brain just heard from my sister just now he's not very good so really feel for her too. You have gone through so much but your right about our grandchildren they are a source of inspiration it's so difficult seeing our daughters life ebb away though 

My heart goes out to you ... remember your not super human ... just human ... I'm here if you need me ... hold on in there ...  Chrissie x