I am also Sussex...Quite upsetting not being able to do anything! :/ Do you think the moderators would know what to do?...............Jes has been on daily and said she would keep in touch then nothing after that desperate post last night! :(

Sorry to have worried you all ... just in so much pain I really can't handle it 

Hi Jessxx

You and your Tony look a nice couple. Pleased you made him so loved.

About brother, there no patching up with him. Just sorting the will out. My Mum and Dad where the best. But me and my dad would get attacked by him. It not been good for my parents. Then dad gets cancer 9 years ago. Then mum had cancer too and died few months ago. So lonely times.

Some people have no feeling, your right. I wished my brother was a good bother. I can feel your pain and Tony was no age at all.

I know funeral cost are very high in some areas. Maybe these can help... www.turn2us.org.uk/.../What-is-a-Funeral-Payment

I think local hopice have groups to meet with people who have been bereaved.

Sorry to hear you can't sort things with your brother ... So many people out there family friends all so heartless .. I haven't and will never speak to my sister we fell out years and years ago ... Can't waste time on heartless people ... Just like my tonys family I've cut them completely but they already cut me out and I didn't even know it ... Feel like A fool to be honest  as done so much to please then for my Tony funeral they messed me about so much and I got threatened ...... Absolute waste of my air that I breathe ..

At least your mum and dad had your love xxx and you had them and always will in your Heart xx 

I applied for the funeral help costs they awarded me 1400 so I need another 3200 pounds .... I have written to two charities for help as I have nothing and I feel awful for that but I will do and try all I can to get it I will not let Tony down ..

I'm always here too talk ... Don't get too lonely xx

I found a really good bereavement group on line on Facebook or they have a chat room on web site so many lovely people on there and they are on all the time. So always got someone to talk to maybe you want to give it a try xx  

Hi Jess,

Some people are very heartless. There is no time for them, as they get their pleasure out of people's pain.

You're not a fool trying to please them, you are just trying to honour your Tony, by trying to keep the peace.

I had keep phoning my brother for the appointment to arrange the funeral. He still turned up late.

Sorry to hear about threats, not what you need when hearts on the floor and you're minds spinning.

I'm sorry your award was so low. My friend's dad was only award about this. But did get some help as dad had been in the navy. I hope you do hear off the charities.

Thanks for your kind words for my mum and dad, that helped. Tony always be in your heart and that will keep us all going.

Not really in the facebook thing, but good to talk to you and other folks on here. The one I go each week is to chat face to face. These help too. But didn't go there to after 2 months, as my mind was in such a daze.

Hi same boat yep these people out there are truly heartless no heart no soul no feeling for anyone ... 

I know the Facebook thing not many people like but to just go on there to the group I'm on ... See for yourself always someone there .. and support is nice just Like on here but more people to relate to same ages same times etc..... 

Sending love to you always xxx 

Hi Jess,

Could you paste the link to the Facebook page?  xx

Hi deben m.facebook.com/.../

Let me know if I done it right!

Thanks jess yes it was right see you there.   Debbie xxxx

It's a great place for all of us to be in with there's a chat room a forum and can post daily and the people on there are lovely ... all in the same boat lots of support and made loads of new friends .. people that understand  us and are going through the same .. see you on there debbie

Seem to be getting to a much better place in my head still hurting like crazy but no so suicidal  ..still having crappie days ... but what can we do ....  thank you to all on here ... hope your all well xx 

Hi Jes!

You have braved the first storm! Bl***y well done to you! You will always have bad days but the good days are so worth while and everywhere you go and everything you do you will dedicate to your lost loved one. Thank you for posting.

Wishing you peace.

C.xxx

Hi Jes!

You have braved the first storm! Bl***y well done to you! You will always have bad days but the good days are so worth while and everywhere you go and everything you do you will dedicate to your lost loved one. Thank you for posting.

Wishing you peace.

C.xxx

Spoke to soon back down again ..... hardly any sleep last two days ... sick feeling never goes .... ffs  .. so exhausted  of trying ....

You got through the first storm and now hit with the second almost as quickly as the first one left.....Please re-read 'Response to a grieving stranger'.....if you can find it somewhere in the first posts here.....as it will remind you of the constant, but everso slowly decreasing, battles ahead through grief. Hope you manage to get some rest soon. C.xx

7th comment page 3 on this thread.xx

Thankyou so much.....l've just read it. Sending all my love to you all. X

Still so so crappie. ... only having few hours sleep last week or so I got the psychiatrist appointment(finally after waiting 9 weeks )   it's in 2 weeks time ..... my doctor has offered depression pills again or sleeping pills but I really can't take them ... the herbal pills I had quest life make my anxiety worse so gonna try that St John's wart as few people have said it now .... just struggling so bad .... crying doesn't stop .... but I am trying xx 

Hi Jes.....Well it's worth trying but unfortunately you are just gonna have to ride it out I think. These early days are just about trying to look after yourself as best you can and trying to manage your grief to an acceptable level so as to get through each day. St Johns wort can maybe help you relax a little but is more beneficial for people coping with general depression.....Grief is more than a chemical imbalance. Have you looked into doing some voluntary/charity help somewhere? Sometimes taking your mind off your own problems and helping others with theirs can help. I am a volunteer for The Cinnamon trust and am signed up to help people who are elderly, housebound or terminally ill look after their pets. So far I have only walked 2 standard poodles for an elderly lady near me and it mostly entails dog walking ---gets you out in the fresh air with a purpose ----but sometimes it could be mucking out various animals/birds. Look them up if you are interested....you basically tell them what you are able to do then they call if they need you....you can decide to do as much or as little as you can cope with. (you have to fill a form and have referees/references) Anyway just one idea as I know there are many charities and good causes crying out for volunteers. Hope you get through today a bit better than yesterday. C.xx 

Hi Jesxx,

Feel crap too  , Mothers day tomorrow, Noone's asked me to go around anywhere. Taking some flowers , then put some on  for my gran, for mum. Then good cry.Miss her talking,

Trouble the first months the pains so intense. You dont feel like doing much, you just keep looking to find way back the life you had...  Then sreaming inside.... holding on is the key.... what would they say if you didn't?..... is what i'm thinking.... plus this trip in life is so sh..!!

Yeah i have looked into doing something  even voluntary  work but found it a struggle to even get there and speak with the woman who owns the shop. .. ended up breaking down for hours. .. hard to wake up and be OK. . And sleep isnot happening much but I'm trying still ...

It's is so s**t had an awful weekend my daughter who is 13 decided to go with her dad from Friday till today and nearly called police as she refused to come home and her dad refused to cooperate. .. she see me for few hiurs yesterday' and left that broke me again ... and tomorrow gonna be hard I'm meeting with my tonys consultant  to speak about my tony passing as need answers my counsellor  suggested it as we still are not clear what the hell happened ... dreading it ...

So sorry you having bad time too xx sending love 

I'm afraid your daughter will not understand your grief and will not want to be around you when you are like this. It may seem cruel but it is very difficult to understand such strong grief if you have not experienced it yourself....Our kids are scared by seeing us lose control because they rely on us to gide them through a difficult world! Your ex most likely doesn't understand how you are grieving so hard for Tony when he had only been back in your life for such a short time....Again I can understand how people will have that opinion. I maybe only understand to some extent due to my own experiencs grieving for my mum. She left me at a police station about 4yrs old.....I saw her twice between the ages of 7 and 14 then she was killed suddenly 4 days before my 15th Birthday! I struggled to understand the loss of a mother who was barely in my life....she gave me nothing but life and a name then neglected and abandoned me....and yet my heart broke! I had spent most of my childhood grieving for being without a mum and now there was no chance I ever could have one. It took me many years to understand that I was grieving for what I had missed which is as powerful as any loss! So all I can say is be patient with your daughter and remember she has now lost her 'happy mum' and is scared she may never get you back. At 13 she may seem grown up but believe me she is still a little girl inside who needs her Mum to be strong. You gotta do that or risk losing her. Harsh words but reality I'm afraid. :( I wish I could send you some strength in the post but it has to come from inside you.....You have a choice - however hard it may be it is your choice to get up and brave the day ir bury yourself in your grief. Wishing you every ounce of luck for the ride ahead. <3 xx