Hi Jess, like you I lost my husband suddenly last July. He had pancreatic cancer which had spread to his liver and lymph nodes. It was only 4 weeks from diagnosis to his passing.  It completely destroyed me as we had been married 50 yr.  Like you I did not want to be here without him and did something silly ( which I now regret ) but was saved by my family and friends who cared enough about me to check up to see why I had not been in touch. I now realise that I was not being fair to my son's and my grandchildren who  were also grieving. I still miss my hubby so, so much and do'nt know how to move forward but people tell me that it will get easier, so I have to believe them. I find it a comfort to lay his photo beside me in bed, strange I know, but it gets me through the night, ready to face another day. I also talk to him as I go about my daily routines as if he is still there and yes I scream at him for leaving me - we all deal with grief in a different way and I am sure you will find your own way. Sending healing hugs to you xx

Hi thelma,

Just wanted to say that I understand everything you are saying. I'm 60 and my husband Kevin was 61 when he passed away in August of bile duct/liver cancer. I have his jumper in bed with me and his photos on the bedside table and talk to him constantly. I always feel surprised when I wake up each morning, as the pain in my chest each evening when i go to bed is awful. I told my sis that I wished I was 80 rather than 60, so I'd not have so many long years to live without my precious Kev and she was really sad for me. She said that I needed to be here, vibrant and fit to go on outings with her and her family and my beautiful girly friends. She also reminded me that I have two young men who are grieving for their dad and to take a long hard look at what I have...Nobody, apart from people like us on this forum, will truly understand what it's like to feel lonely and to sort of live our lives " in our heads" so to speak. I like you go about my daily routines as if he's just out at work and dread the long weekends, though as the weather picks up, my friends and family are planning trips out. I keep intouch with my gorgeous boys....both live away. My eldest lives with his girlfriend in Bristol and youngest lives in Newcastle, but visit when they can. I then fuss about them like a mother hen and cook favourite meals, that since Kev died I've neglected to do. Like you say, we all deal with grief in different ways and this is not what I envisaged for my retirement. My precious hubby would want me to try and enjoy my life and be there for my boys and that gives me a reason to throw back the curtains each morning and face the world....sending you the warmest hugs.XXXX 

Hi thelma,

Just wanted to say that I understand everything you are saying. I'm 60 and my husband Kevin was 61 when he passed away in August of bile duct/liver cancer. I have his jumper in bed with me and his photos on the bedside table and talk to him constantly. I always feel surprised when I wake up each morning, as the pain in my chest each evening when i go to bed is awful. I told my sis that I wished I was 80 rather than 60, so I'd not have so many long years to live without my precious Kev and she was really sad for me. She said that I needed to be here, vibrant and fit to go on outings with her and her family and my beautiful girly friends. She also reminded me that I have two young men who are grieving for their dad and to take a long hard look at what I have...Nobody, apart from people like us on this forum, will truly understand what it's like to feel lonely and to sort of live our lives " in our heads" so to speak. I like you go about my daily routines as if he's just out at work and dread the long weekends, though as the weather picks up, my friends and family are planning trips out. I keep intouch with my gorgeous boys....both live away. My eldest lives with his girlfriend in Bristol and youngest lives in Newcastle, but visit when they can. I then fuss about them like a mother hen and cook favourite meals, that since Kev died I've neglected to do. Like you say, we all deal with grief in different ways and this is not what I envisaged for my retirement. My precious hubby would want me to try and enjoy my life and be there for my boys and that gives me a reason to throw back the curtains each morning and face the world....sending you the warmest hugs.XXXX 

Hi, it is nice to know that I am not the only one to feel this way. Loneliness is a big factor, One can cope with being busy in the day but when you shut that door at night is when it hits home the most. My family and friends are really good and try to see that I am not on my own too much but even with all the attention I still feel a great sense of loneliness. I am hoping that it will ease soon so that I can then move forward with all my lovely memories until it is my turn to go home to my lovely man